Nature vs. Nurture and AS

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So, some recent discussions about the severity of AS, etc have gotten me thinking.

How much do you think the way you were raised has to do with the severity of your AS?

My younger cousin has what some would consider "moderate to severe" AS. She can converse just fine with me, has friends, has a boyfriend (she's 16). Her mother is a classic case of Munchausen's by proxy and since my cousin received her diagnosis at a rather young age, it's been "oh woe is me, I have a special needs child." Literally-- she tells everyone she meets that she has an autistic daughter or a special needs child. I remember before I was diagnosed, my cousin said to me, "my mother talks to me like I'm ret*d.... I'm not." She's not allowed to do anything, including go to parties or drive, because "other kids will just make fun of her." She's not allowed to go to college when she graduates next year.

I was not diagnosed until I was 27 years old. I was raised in a very loving family.... they'd get frustrated with me at times (with the meltdowns, auditory stuff, etc), but were still VERY loving, very supportive (any of my really intense interests? My parents would do whatever they could to nurture that, be genuinely interested, etc). I was sort of forced to "sink or swim" socially; if you knew me in middle school or high school you would instantly know something was "off"... I've sort of gotten good at pretending so that I could thrive in a professional environment. I also think it's largely due to being more comfortable... as I've aged, gone through grad school, etc... I was able to be more selective about being around other "weirdos" and frankly, people weren't so vicious if something was a little weird. When I'm more comfortable in the situation, the eye contact improves, the stims stop, etc. I'm much more "normal".


What do you all think-- how much does your environment have to do with the severity of your symptoms?

i think environment has a lot to do with symptoms. I would regard the biggest antidote or whatever you want to call it to come in the form of being around the right neurotypical people

At the moment I am researching the effects of early life trauma.
It is amazing how it impacts the default mode network of the brain and alters connectivity between certain areas of the brain in early childhood and impact eg executive function and Theory of Mind. It can mimick many autistic traits, but still a person with early childhood trauma can turn out later to have a borderline personality disorder or others, which have traits very "non-autistic".
I had early childhood trauma and it needed a very professional expert to distinguish in diagnosis and assess which symptoms are due to autism and which are due to life-long PTSD.
If I had not had PTSD due to childhood trauma certain symptoms would maybe be less severe or I would have less syptoms to deal with in addition to autism.
I think I could cope better in general.
Trauma in early childhood can get "hard-wired" into the brain as well depending on the severity and age of occurance.
It needs a professional to distinguish traits.

Wow
I can't imagine holding back my child from going to college.
My personal opinion is that No you can't do anything you want to do. Not everyone has the talent to be a great artist or the intelligence to be a brain surgeon. If my son tried to do either of those things I would discourage him, gently.
Every person has a particular talent, so choose something that plays to your talent and go for it with all you've got. If anything I'm guilty of pushing my DS16. When he is interested in something I do my best to help him learn wheat he wants to know. But he's pretty good at telling me when to back off.

I hope your cousin can get out on her own and be able to go to college and have a career.

Oh and I think environment can have a huge impact behavior. I have an in-law who treated her NT son like he was a little baby all of his life. He was never given any responsibilities. In fact just a few months ago she got mad at me for letting him walk to the store with my DS16 with no adult supervision. Now, suddenly he is nearly 18, and he is expected to go to work and support himself. He is not doing well.

I do not know for certain.

However, when my autistic daughter was very young, I spent a lot of time with a group of adults on the spectrum and they seemed to believe that one reason my daughter "progressed" so well was because she did not have a lot of stress. I kind of went with the flow and tried to meet her where she was. They seemed to think that the stress that some kids are put under by their parents' drive to "fix" or "help" them is actually counterproductive because it causes stress and interferes with their ability to learn. I respect this group of people and they are, in general, well educated and insightful, so I have always believed what they said to be at least partly true.

What I believe is that every human being, ASD or NT, has boundaries above and below which they cannot go. And things like environment determine where on the "sliding scale" the person ends up. There are parents of kids on the spectrum who have done more to help their kids than I have, and it is quite possible their kids have put forth as much effort as mine have, yet they are not functioning at the same level as mine. I think it is due to inherent constraints. Another way to see it is that perhaps my kids are on the upper limit of their capacity and if they would have been born to someone else, they would not be doing as well as they are now because their environment may not have supported it.

In sum, yes, I do think environment can influence the severity of AS. However, I think it would be dangerous to assume that because someone's AS is more severe that it is automatically indicative of an adverse environment or poor parenting. It may be that they are on the top half of their "sliding scale" and that they were just constrained more by their neurology than the person sitting next to them with less severe AS.

Autism spectrum disorders are neurologically based and present at birth. There is no cure or "fix" for it. However, the environment that we are brought up in can--and does--have an effect on how well or how poorly we do. Therapies, treatments and coping methods can help. Yes, as others have mentioned, stress is a big issue for us. Because the neurological condition effects our ability to process input and output, the additional strain of also dealing with stress has an extremely negative effect on us.

Unfortunately, when I was growing up the Autism spectrum was not known as such. We were diagnosed with emotional/behavior problems and/or discipline problems. My parents kept taking me to one ignorant psych doc or therapist after another, in attempts to get me "fixed." Since there is no cure, I am still not fixed now in my 50s. And my father still tries to "fix" me. You'd think he'd realize by now that after over 50 years, if I ain't fixed yet, it ain't gonna happen. Fortunately, I live alone, and half the year he and my step mom are in Florida to duck the northern cold. Unfortunately, it's not that half the year right now, so they are at their summer home about half an hour away from me. They are not evil people, but being NTs, they can't stand people who aren't normal, so they keep trying to make me normal. I know they mean well, but it ain't gonna happen, and it drives me nuts to boot.

Ah, well. At least most of the time they aren't here, so I can have the solitude and peace I need--except for the new neighbor and his motor cycle. The neighbor who comes out, turns on the cycle, and then goes back inside for 10 or 15 minutes (almost everytime), before finally coming out and leaving. It's gotten to the point where, after a few minutes of cycle "music", I yell "You are now cleared for take off!" My windows are open due to the summer heat, so he might be able to hear me if the cycle doesn't completely drown me out. Hey, I'm one of the non conformists, remember? I don't have to care what others think, and in this case I don't. I just won't do anything nasty, though because I have to live next to him, and don't want him doing anything nasty back.

Just remember, if you are a parent of a spectrum kid, do what you can to keep the stress levels down. From my own personal experience I know how bad it effects us. In the case of being bullied, it doesn't matter how minor or silly the type of bullying may seem to you. To us it is always a major deal. We can't help that. Bullying generates stress, and stress interferes with our already compromised mental processing abilities. That leads to overloads, and the manifestations of that are tantrums, meltdowns, rants, violent acting out, emotional outbursts, shutdowns, anti social behaviors, and in some cases, some of us turn to self injury, substance abuse, or even more blatent attempts at suicide.

I hope I've been able to clarify some spectrum stuff for you.

Edit:

I would like to add, that your cousin is it? does not need her mother's permission to go to college. Once she is legally an adult she can go to college on her own. There are various grant programs available that she can apply for. If she legally declares her financial emancipation from her mother, she will be able to qualify for even more programs. She can also go to the local welfare office at that time to apply for money to live on while attending school. She just needs to tell them that her mother either refuses to help, or can't afford to. It will help if she has an official diagnosis. The welfare office can provide food stamps, temporary cash assistance, housing assistance, breaks on the cost of utilities, and Medicaid, but she will have to apply for them herself once she is 18. Some states don't allow for cash assistance for students, but she may be able to qualify for the other programs, so she should look into it. She should also look into getting a part time job at the college she enrolls in. They often give a tuition price break to students who work for the school. It will also help if the school is in her home state, as they charge home state students at a lower rate.

Hope this helps your cousin.

I think that nurture has a lot to do with the way an autistic child develops. When I was little, my parents let me be to develop according to my own trajectory. I don't know how I would have ended up if I had been raised in a different environment of people trying to make me NT.

Interesting question.

I expect that nurture can effect how you are able to manage AS symptoms a lot.

I am also sure that early childhood trauma had a massive impact on people, in my case this is why I'm seeking a professional diagnosis at 40 as I cannot be sure if my AS like symptoms are due to the neurological aspects of AS or mild life-long PTSD like symptoms or both.

I think it's vitally important that parents of children with AS take bullying very seriously and take all steps possible to ensure children are protected from it. If neccessary sending their child to a different school with a strong anti-bullying ethos. I wish my parents had done this when I was young.

Things my parents got very right though was to encourage my interests even when they were unusual for my gender, never tire of answering my questions, make no assumptions about what I could or could not do and actively encouraged me to do my best, and from a young age train me how to navigate the real world. So I was taught how to cook, clean, wash, use public transport, shop and pay bills by being included in these processes from a young age and then later being encouraged to do them myself.

By 18 social interactions were still very complex, but I'd learnt the skills and basic rules of day to day living just the same as I learnt maths and english.

Having a slightly above average IQ probably helped.

I think with the right training and support many with autism can go to college and live independently.

However if people don't get this, and especially if they are labelled as 'unable to cope on their own' independence will be much more difficult.

Also, when I was a child if you were socially inept but had no conduct problems, you were not labelled as having a disorder or disability, I'm still trying to decide if this is a good thing or not.

Nurture plays a HUGE role in the development of all children, not just aspies. For a emotionally sensitive child with a form of autism though, I can imagine it is far more important than for a neurotypical child. This is because the negatives become self-fulfilling prophesies with someone on the spectrum as the awkwardness never goes away and leads to a lack of self-confidence. The only thing that can "fix" the problem then is if they can get away from negative social interactions and be around only positive ones for long enough that they are no longer shut down to learning how to properly interact.

How much do you think the way you were raised has to do with the severity of your AS?
I am fortunate to be raised by parental figures who believe in the concept of "balance." They have always understood that I am "sensitive" and always attempt to provide the necessary comfort and support in any way that they know how. However, they never expected any less out of me due to these "sensitivities." I was always expected to engage in society as much as every other child, to be as "polite" and "respectful" as any other child, and to make every attempt to better myself as any other child, if not even more so. Because of this, my symptoms appear rather "mild" for one with Asperger's...at least when I am in the public eye.
Balance is vital for raising any child. While parents should be aware of their children's capabilities and deficits, parents should also encourage their children to achieve as much as they can possibly achieve.