I spend so much mental and emotional energy just trying to..

Post Reply New Topic

What? Trying to stay calm when around people, that is. The fact that I now know I am quite different than the rest helps in that I know I won't ever be able to easily fit in with them. All the bad memories are still whirling around my mind, however, so I am usually tense and anxious around people. I am a lot better than back I when I was a young adult, and as long as I stick to people I know and am comfortable with, I can get by.
It sure would be great to just walk in to a room, be totally relaxed, and know that I will be able to keep up with all the mental and emotional demands of social interaction. If one can't do that, then what's next? Just get out of there real quick, get into an argument when they try to make you be like them, or just shut down, and then leave as soon as is appropriate. Do any of you find the effort to keep relaxed, calm, and "together" when in the company of others is a real strain, and inhibits the free expression of your natural self and abilities? I for you love to be alone, although do need the occasional positive contact with others to make me feel I am still connected with others out in the world.

Around most people, I feel "Red Alert! Red Alert! Red Alert!" pretty much constantly. Around people I know and like, this feeling is only there some of the time, when I really want to be alone.

I take my yoyo with me everywhere and ignore everyone. If, for some reason, I forget to bring it, there isn't much to do other than chew my nails and shift from foot to foot whilst looking around anxiously.
I've tried reading but need to be in almost complete silence to be able to concentrate.

I never go to social functions, so I can't help with that, but I find having my hands occupied with something that doesn't draw even more attention to me, helps to calm me down even a tiny bit.

One time I forgot my yoyo, but for some reason had a pack of knuckle bones in my bag, so I just played with those (in hands, not actually playing with them while on the side of the street).

Even around the few close friends I have I feel really drained after just a few hours.Like if you leave a flashlight on.Just running errands and the ordinary things most people do leaves me thrashed.If I have to be around people for an extended time it takes days to rest and recover.Even my own family.I'm glad to see them but also glad to see them go.

I rarely socialize, and rarely run errands. I always feel both mentally and physically drained, and worn out for days afterwards, like I had engaged in some sort of major physical effort, such as a marathon. Unfortunately, I have a social event coming up that I can't get out of--it's for me, and you can't duck your own event, at least not without upsetting relatives. I also have some errands I have been putting off, that I will have to try to get done soon.

I barely get out so it probably isn't anywhere near the same experience, but it seems I do still feel drained at times for days at a time after having had talked with friends over xbox live or skype or whatever else. Staying out of the spotlight of my group of friends certainly helps, but eventually I do have to just get away and be by myself to get to relax and not have to think or worry about anyone else.

For me, I solve this problem temporarily with coffee. It depends on the people, older people, like 30ish, I don't spend like any mental energy trying to "keep up" with them, but then people my age, it requires a lot.

I think eventually, you have to come to a point where you just don't care at all about what others say/think, that's what I'm learning. Not everyone's gonna like you, and that's OK. I'm wondering if the mindset needed is similar to this:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/fuck-e ... des,11056/

That article is ironic and hilarious, as it predicted Gillette coming out with a 5 blade razor before they did.

Errands run me down particularly hard.

Today I was at costco - I RARELY go to places like this. I wanted to restock my alcohol collection (which takes me a LONG time to go through) and I like to look at all the types of alcohol they have and all that. It wasn't as bad as it could be - it was not particularly crowded. However, there were many annoyances - all the people for example (even though it wasn't crowded - they still made me anxious). The lights were too bright - and even more annoying about the lights was the buzzing sound they made. Not all of them buzzed. The one humming near the checkout area was doing so in the pitch of E, and it was very distracting. I could not talk in there at all. Now I'm burnt out.

My sense, admittedly gained after having been here for a little over two months, is that many people here are introverts, something which seems to be rarely mentioned. People of this personality type tend to get overwhelmed with too much social contact or hectic activity in general, and function best when left alone. The book, The Introvert Advantage, even says that introverts are wired differently in the brain. They process information slower, although deeper than do extroverts. I would suggest that you read about this subject. I wish I had known all about this when I was younger.

I have found is that when I get anxious around people, not necessarily because of anything likely to happen now. but based on many bad experiences from the past, I can calm down by just telling myself not to care. Shut down, don't try to be intelligent, or make a good impression or care what they think, etc. In the long run, that may not be the best approach to take for "normal people. Then again, if one is different, a misfit type ( in many positive ways, of course) often the best thing to do is mentally and emotionally withdraw from dealing with the large majority of folks out in the world.