The worst thing a bully has done to you

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B19
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14 Jan 2013, 6:46 pm

I was adopted from an orphanage to replace a dead child. There was a natural child five and a half years older than me who was the apple of his mother's eye. He soon learned he could do whatever he wanted to me. Examples: forcing my mouth open and spitting down my throat. Tying me to a tree and using my eyes as a target for stones from his slingshot. Burning me with a soldering iron. Very hard punches to my solar plexus. Chinese burns. Twisting my arms up my back. Firing at my body with an air rifle (and hitting me). Pushing me off a cliff. Whenever I told his mother what had happened there was only one response: You're a liar.

I am 65 now and have brought up his bullying of me in recent years. He said "I'm not responsible for anything I did as a child." (He certainly never did take responsibility for any of his cruelty, nor did his abuser mother). At school I had my hair pulled, name calling, social exclusion. At work, one very nasty manager who made my daily life so awful that I became suicidal. In the end I did take her to court, did win damages, and the lawyer was so sad to hear what had happened that he waived his fee.

So at least I can end this awful history on a positive note. Not quite. I have no self esteem and never have had any, despite exceptional success academically. Most days I am suicidal.



jk1
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14 Jan 2013, 8:39 pm

Thanks for sharing your stories, everyone, and I'm so sorry that you had to go through such torment.

They are horrifying. There is no excuse for what the bullies did. Even just reading your stories makes me angry. I wish we could return the same to them. Bullying often have long-term effects and could make one's life hell.

What's really unfair is that often people with AS wouldn't know how to defend themselves, and some actually blame you for not being able to defend yourself, as if it's your own fault that you get bullied, hence justifying bullying or not taking it seriously.

Mine was mostly verbal abuse and ostracism. My worst was probably being ostracized by the whole grade. So it's no worse than what others here experienced. Still, I suffered a lot and thinking about my school days hurts, though it's not that much better now at work.

Nowadays I somehow found inner peace and often don't care much about those lower kinds of people even though my eccentricity (from the others' points of view) still attracts unkindness, rudeness and hostility. As long as I know I'm not doing anything wrong, I can happily show my disrespect for them in return.



MissMoneypenny
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15 Jan 2013, 9:02 am

The worst thing? There are a couple actually.

1. Quite in addition to physical and verbal abuse and social exclusion, there was all manner of sexual harassment that, had it been from adults, would have put them in prison. But because it was kids doing it, it was regarded as a game or just kids being kids. I tried telling my parents and it didn't seem to register with them that I was being abused and assaulted. Mum said: "My school friends used to laugh at my old bike and I just used to laugh with them, I didn't get upset like you do." Dad said: "If you be nice to the others they'll be nice to you." What does it take to get believed? Oh, and we didn't have Childline back in those days. These kids robbed my childhood innocence, and like some others have noted, it wasn't any individual or group specifically, it was just everyone in general. Even kids I didn't know and hadn't seen before.

2. I left school as early as possible, without qualifications, to get away from the abuse and bullying. This meant I was not able to benefit from the free state education to which I as a citizen of the UK was entitled. Yes, there was night school, but why should I have had to pay when a basic education is supposed to be free at school? With no qualifications I had to take crap jobs that didn't pay enough to afford classes anyway.



MissMoneypenny
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15 Jan 2013, 9:08 am

Oh, and they say that WE have poor social skills... :roll:



tonmeister
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15 Jan 2013, 11:13 am

MissMoneypenny wrote:
Oh, and they say that WE have poor social skills... :roll:


Exactly. How, for example, does hitting someone, taking and destroying their property, calling them horrible names all day long, making up rumors about them, and sending them to the emergency room show empathy? How does dousing the person you're supposed to be doing a group math project with in the face with hair spray display an ability to work as a team member? How does showing violent outrage at someone just because they don't like the same music and movies as you, and have odd habits and an unconventional speaking style show a well-developed executive function?

In eighth grade phys ed, I had my swimming trunks stolen, thrown in the toilet, and urinated upon. And I'm the one who supposedly lacks empathy?

I refused to show appropriate fealty to the big and tough kids, and tried to stand up for myself (generally verbally, since I was always short, scrawny, and clumsy) as best I could. And I'm the one lacking in self-esteem?

I had an entire imaginary universe mapped out in my head. And the kids whose only obsessions were sex and football were somehow less literalistic?



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15 Jan 2013, 12:16 pm

This past summer as part of my job training I spent a month and a half staying at a hotel in Dallas Texas with several other employee's from around the country (going to classes during the day.) It had been described to me beforehand as basically a second college for most career driven adults. This was also the first type of excursion like this since I had discovered that I had AS so I decided to use this as an opportunity to try be a more social person. Bad Idea.......It was less like a 2nd college and more like a second highschool. :(

I found out about all the ridicule behind my back and the nickname "Creepy Mike" from the alpha bros. The other group I had been hanging out with played a pretty mean prank on me (this girl basically telling me she wanted to hook up with me and inviting me to her room only to send me to another person's room while they laughed in the room next door.) Of course everyone in this circle said it was just harmless fun and I was still (at 26) to nieve to realize I was being bullied. Naturally, everyone (all 96 people in my class) were made aware of the prank afterwards due to gossip. :oops:

Ironically enough, near the end of that month and a half I started hanging out with the most antisocial guy there and we ended up getting along very well (wish I had realized it sooner.) I learned some important lessons at the very least. I am not a social person and forcing myself to be so was detrimental to my self esteem.



Luska
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15 Jan 2013, 12:51 pm

I have a hard time reading this thread but I am glad many of you have the courage to write and share your experiences.



Kalika
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15 Jan 2013, 12:55 pm

Not nearly as bad as some of the other things posted in this thread, but for me, I'd go with something which my sister (I'll call her "Judith" did back when we were both in high school.......... We had to share a bathroom, and whenever the toilet got the least bit dirty, she insisted it was because I'd pooped all over it and not cleaned up after myself. One day, "Judith" made a big sign about how I'd pooped on the toilet for the second time that month, and put it up on the living room wall above the TV. I don't recall exactly what was said, only that our mom backed Judith up and claimed that this was "the only way we can get through to you".



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15 Jan 2013, 1:07 pm

The worst thing a "bully" could do to me was appearing in front of my face. Because I extremely dislike stupidity, and just seeing stupid people causes me to have homicidal thoughts. But, all the "bullying" I received was teasing and rejection/isolation, and I don't consider that to be real bullying, because in my opinion only physical aggression can be considered bullying. I just remember that once in 8th grade three kids threw some papers balls at me, but it just ended up causing a meltdown after a few minutes, and they got so scared that they did not dare doing it again for all the rest of the time I had to pass with them. It wasn't bad for me, exept the fact that I felt extremely tired and unfocused after the meltdown.
I just met one of those "bullies" today while coming back home. I just ignored him until the last two minutes, in which I talked to him showing him all his stupidity, and contradicting everything he was saying to the friend he was with.



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15 Jan 2013, 2:16 pm

...

I don't even.

Guess there's always going to be someone who's had it worse.

While it's stopped for now (HS Senior) the single bullying instance that sticks out to me was when someone threw a milk carton at me and scored a critical hit on my right ear. Middle school was difficult ><


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incorrigible
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15 Jan 2013, 2:23 pm

Oh ya...I remember in high school there was a group of seniors that thought it was hilarious to throw full, open milk containers at freshman. A couple times they brought jugs from home and poured them all over the freshman, but usually they'd just use the ones that came with the school lunches. They would take them from the sophomores. I guess losing your milk was an improvement over wearing it. Ah, NT social skills. Gotta love em.


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chlov
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15 Jan 2013, 2:23 pm

Zodai wrote:
Middle school was difficult ><

Tell me about it. Middle school was the worst for me.



Luska
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19 Jan 2013, 3:51 pm

incorrigible wrote:

I brought an apple for a teacher once, and once class had begun she went on a yelling screaming tirade about it. Her premise was that I had been given an apple in my lunch that I didn't want, and had given it to her to get rid of it. The way she went on, you'd think I had stolen her lunch and forced her to eat a rotting apple in it's place or something! That was 6th grade.

In 3rd grade, I raised my hand and asked permission to go to the bathroom shortly before the first recess. I always had to go to the bathroom at the same time every day, and would end up sitting back in my seat maybe 3 minutes before recess. The teacher always acted annoyed, but she was always annoyed at everything I said or did, so I have no way of knowing if she gave me any sign that there was something special about this issue. Anyway, she told me no. Then, she wouldn't let me go out to recess as punishment for distracting the class with my request to use the restroom. For the whole rest of the day!! ! I wasn't allowed out of my seat for anything, even at lunch time. Of course, I wet my pants A LOT right in the middle of class. Suddenly, she was all understanding and walked me to the bathroom to change (luckily I had a change of clothes in my bag for playing in at daycare after school) and when we were in private she told me I should have let her know I had to go...and in the future just raise my hand and ask to go to the bathroom, or go at recess, instead of letting it get so out of control. I can only imagine there was someone listening that I wasn't aware of, but she did that kind of mind game attitude change on me a lot. This is the same teacher that would bring me in front of the class and berate me not having a father and tell me both that his living so far away was why I was such a "horrible little creature" and that my mother was disgusting (usually accompanied by a twisted retelling of something said or done by my mom in her presence) for having chosen me over my father.

In reality, my father was most certainly undiagnosed ASD. The reasons my mom gave for leaving him could be summed up as "because he was autistic", really. She HATED him and even more so HATED me for being like him. She was incredibly abusive because she was so full of anger toward me for thinking/feeling/acting in ways she disliked. My dad adored me and as far as I can tell his #1 concern in life was to do right by me and give me any advantage. The fact that he loved me so much and I adored him so much was why she chose to harass me on that specific topic.

I've always read and written very well but very slowly. In first grade, my teacher was certain I was really just stalling and refusing to do my work all the time. So, she put a desk in the coat closet. When I didn't have something done in time, I had to stay in there and work on it until recess. I could still hear the class and would still participate after my work was done. (I couldn't figure out what I was supposed to do while in the closet, once the purpose for putting me there was over. I still have no idea what behavior was actually expected of me) Anyway, she got frustrated and started putting the desk outside in the snow, instead. Eventually the principal stopped by after I'd finished my work one day, and I explained my punishment - very pleasantly, because I assumed I deserved it for not writing fast enough. The principal told her that she couldn't leave me unsupervised like that because I could just wander off and the school would be liable. So, she arranged to place a desk in the coat closet of another classroom so the other teacher would be responsible for me. Since I was so quiet and well behaved, it was no problem for the other teacher. And, since it wasn't my class I didn't try to participate, so my teacher was finally able to achieve whatever her goal was. I'd finish my work, then sleep until I could return to my class at recess.

In Jr. High, a teacher physically attacked me for not getting my homework out of my backpack fast enough. She was pretty cruel and awful to begin with. The other students got in the way, and got me out of the classroom, and one of them told me to go to the office and tell my councilor what happened. I got there and he sent me to the nurse. Apparently I looked GOD AWFUL because, unknown to me, I had a fever of 103.7

In grade school, a group of kids decided I was a Nazi (they were studying them in class, I guess) and jumped me. They beat the holy crap out of me. Once I was on the ground just moaning because I couldn't stand or think of anything but the pain, they carved a swastica into my arm with a pocket knife. I still have the scar, but luckily it just looks like a kind of deformed square now and is so tiny that you can barely notice it unless I point it out. Of that incident, you know that part that was the worst for me though? That I'm not German! If I was, I probably wouldn't even remember it now. It was always the not understanding why they did these things that got me about bullies. If my ancestry was German (it's almost all Irish) I could see them just not understanding that not all Germans are/were Nazi's. And, I could feel bad they hurt me, but kind of identify with the desire to hurt Nazis so I'd get over it so long as it didn't happen again. As an adult, not so much...but as a kid I was under the impression it was totally reasonable for people to hurt you when you did things they didn't like.


How many years ago was this? Teachers and students like this should be sued.



minliu
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23 Jan 2013, 4:25 am

I've had numerous rumours spread about me and people have been whispering awful stuff to each other as I walked past in a hallway/etc. I don't think physical bullying is as common here as it is in other countries actually so I don't think anything like that has happened as far as I remember..



SouffleGirl
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23 Jan 2013, 4:33 am

I'm reading through this and I stop fairly quickly because it is so painful to read, and nothing I have been through can compare. So I will simply not share.
But I do want to apologise. I don't know whom on behalf of. But yeah.


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aja675
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10 Feb 2016, 8:56 am

In my case, I am so much of a pushover that even childish insults hurt me.