Proud or Ashamed?

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I've always hated the word "Aspie", you may as well call me a "ret*d" because they both have a similar effect on me (though I in no way imply the two are synonymous). I've always hated my diagnosis, possibly because I was diagnosed when I was a teenager and "Aspergers" summed up for me everything I hated about myself. Until now I always expected everyone else to feel the same way about it, but it seems from the forums a lot of people don't. So my question is, does being diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum, or having an autistic relative make you feel ashamed or proud? And if you want to elaborate, why?

As I do not particularly believe in the concept of "neurotypicals" or any sort of neurological normalcy, I find no reason to dislike or be ashamed of any variation from this non-existent norm.
I am an optimist by nurture--I was raised to always find the positive in a given situation. This allows me to see the positive attributes of my "condition." What my condition means is that whatever the "norm" is, I apparently deviate from it. Some may call this deviation a "hindrance" or a "deficit," but I see it more as a different vantage point. I am not meant to be what the "norm" is. I try to find neither excessive pride nor excessive pessimism in such.
I suppose that I am a bit "proud" to be able to be one of the relatively "few" to be able to be the "difference" in a society where variation is much needed, but I do not consider myself to be superior to those who do not have the same difference that I do.

Neither. I am how I am, through no fault or effort of my own. Mostly I'm angry or depressed at the lack of tolerance instead.

Much like race, there's nothing I did to be this way. Therefore, there is no reason to be proud or ashamed of it.

In some ways I'm proud to be the way I am. I'm really good with text. I learned to read before I learned to speak and I'm a better natural essay/letter/resume editor than anyone else I've ever met. It's a useful talent and I see no reason to be ashamed of it.

On the other hand, I suck at socialization. I can make friends, but I have to pretend to be something I'm not in order to make it work. Every smile is fake and I have to make a project out of learning people's names. If I end up in a situation that's unusual for me, I feel really awkward and say the wrong thing. If I try to talk to people when I'm even the slightest bit nervous, upset or excited, everything comes out garbled; I stammer, I say the opposite of what I mean, and sometimes I go mute. Those things are really frustrating and embarrassing for me. Worst of all, I'm incredibly disorganized. I have long-term goals that are important to me that I can't accomplish because I spend all my time on my obsession(s). I'm definitely ashamed of that. I'm ashamed of having missed out on all the opportunities that my autistic traits have made it impossible for me to take full advantage of. The world has repeatedly been handed to me on a silver platter and, as if I'm missing a limb, I've fumbled it or failed to reach out and take it. Oh my god, the opportunities I've thrown! They'd blow your mind!!

I'm ashamed that there's something wrong with me. Yes, I am. And there is definitely something wrong with me. And I know what it is, but knowing what it is doesn't help, and that makes me feel ashamed of it.

But I'm also proud to have coped so incredibly well. When I started out in life I was REALLY autistic. I didn't speak, communicate, or have facial expressions. I used to sit for hours, making a weird noise over and over again, and playing with a toy truck or poking at a bump on the wall. HOURS. Playing with other kids and making friends weren't just hard for me; they were totally alien concepts. But I WORKED at it. I worked really, REALLY f*****g hard, and I learned to act like a "normal" person. These days I blend in so well that most people can't even tell that I'm different on the inside. I think I'd have trouble convincing people of it! I see other people around me who are clearly aspies. I can think of at least two ex-co-workers whose every move just screams "ASPIE! I'M AN ASPIE!" and I think to myself, "Damn, did I ever do a better job than that guy." So yeah, I'm proud. I'm proud that I handle it so well. It took intelligence, and it took blood, sweat and tears for me to get to where I am today. You bet your ass I'm proud!

I'm also proud to have the capacity to see the world in a literal, pragmatic way. I think I see the world much more clearly than the average NT, and the value in that can't be overstated. And I'm proud that I have the capacity to hyperfocus on things and gain a deeper understanding of them than most people ever have the chance to acquire.

I chose "both" on this survey. I am both deeply ashamed and very, very proud.

Esperanza, Wow, I can really relate to your post, which really is very unusual for me. xD I've really struggled, being so ashamed of myself and my differences, I hadn't really thought about what I've achieved, not in a positive way at least, so thanks for that!

I'm ashamed of everything because all the things on this list overweighs the good points, and there aren't many good points with me because I'm not that clever for an Aspie and I find I am ''too nice'' which makes me get crapped upon in the end anyway.


I'm ashamed of having obsessions that put me to shame and seperate me from the norm and make other people fed up with me (even if I have never, ever mentioned one word to a person then one day, after about 3 years of knowing them, I just about bring up just one teeny little fact about my obsession, without hinting that it's an obsession, just a teeny fact about it that is somehow relavent to the conversation anyway, but they still pick up on it being an obsession, from the way they change the subject quick. I feel like saying ''OK, want my gold watch so you can tell me more about me what you don't know about, you psychic?'')

I'm ashamed of having peeves that are unpredictable to the norm (and very strange compared to the norm too).

I'm ashamed of having too much self-awareness and being too sensitive to ridicule that I get obliged to do all my best to conform and still get shallow closed-minded shitfaces in public pointing me out like I'm some sort of freak that deserves to be belittled.

I'm ashamed of being picked on and punished in public just for looking shy but not actually making any signifficantly obvious body language to make me look more noticeably shy (biting nails, walking with head down, walking with humped back, etc cetera. I don't do any of that).

I'm ashamed of being unable to handle aggressiveness like a normal adult, instead I handle them like a 13-year-old (sulking, slamming doors and running to bedroom) or a 2-year-old (screaming and shouting and demanding my mum to listen to me), or some sort of nutter on drugs (hitting myself in the head, going hysterical). I know I could go on meds but I'm still waiting to get in at the doctors (can't get in when I want because there are too many PEOPLE around here now!)

I'm ashamed of not being able to enjoy holidays because of knowing that every person I go with always end up making friends or getting chatted up by some cocktail waitress or some cute guy, and there's me feeling left out and rejected, no matter how much I smile and make eye contact and want to talk to people too. I just wish people stop and knew that it's my holiday too and that we all came here to explore, not to just sit around the bar all night talking to people we will never see again and then drinking so much and so late that we end up wasting all morning laying in bed.

I'm ashamed of being awkward without meaning to, like talking at the wrong time (when people are trying to watch the TV and I find I am sitting there talking about crap in their ear without realising it until they go ''ssshhhh'' which then angers me because I hate being shushed, makes me feel patronised or embarrassed.)

I'm ashamed of being a target for criticism just because the things I like to do aren't always compatible to the norm. I hate being criticised.

I'm ashamed of being too socially phobic and anxious to be able to enjoy the things around me, and am unable to enjoy social interaction but wanting to at the same time

I'm ashamed of being the only one who doesn't go clubbing, and finding out that other introverted/studious people even go out clubbing and put pictures of themselves on Facebook of them cuddling girls or guys and surrounded by a huge crowd of mates.

I'm ashamed of being a severe introvert but hate drinking alcohol at the same time so when I go out I just stand there not talking to anyone, then people mistake me for being too serious or too boring and so they only do the ''serious talk'' with me, and never quite feeling that included in on jokes or other shenanigans in the group, even though I do understand body language so I do know what is going on, but being treated like I wouldn't know, just because I'm the shyest of the group.

I'm ashamed of being a know-nothing.

I'm ashamed and fed up of going for interview after interview and still not being given a chance for a part-time job, considering I have been on job-seekers for over 4 years now and I have done other things in that time to gain experience and confidence, like courses, work experiences and voluntary work.

I'm ashamed of living in a world where employers seem to think that all NTs make brilliant workers and all non-NTs make sh** workers that aren't worth a penny. There are a lot of non-NTs who can do jobs as effectively as an NT can (ie, me), and there are a lot of NTs out there who can be very useless at their job (not saying all, not saying most, just saying there are some out there who really don't want to work properly).

I'm ashamed of being the black sheep of the family.

I'm ashamed of being easily startled or annoyed by certain noises and not being able to relax.

I'M ASHAMED of being so anxious, paranoid, self-conscious, socially phobic, depressive, miserable, obsessive, pessimistic, angry, fearful, and everything else on that list.

I'm ashamed of feeling like I want to go into meltdown mode through irritation when I can hear people talking near my room and the voices are so distracting.

I'm ashamed of having a lot of childhood memories of being a friendless outcast at school and was never on other children's wavelength.

I'm unhappy about being in a minority group, that also gets accused of ''lacking empathy'', when NTs can get away with lacking empathy for Autistics, and people still believing that NTs have universal empathy. It's not fair! Why is it this way?


I just want a normal life. I know I have friends, but I still feel that everyone else have much more than me, not talking about wealth, just talking about social life. Nearly every day I think of this curse I am destined with and think of this label I have and always think, ''why me?'' It makes it worse knowing I'm the only Aspie in the family. It's actually quite phenomenal really, in a negative way.

I HATE being abnormal. And all of the above is abnormal compared to the general population, even if NTs have one or two or three of those things, it's still better than having ALL.

Neither:It's just part of who I am, like having green eyes.
I've accepted it.
I just wish my immediate family would accept it, too.
It hurts when you're optimistic about your own shortcomings, and your family views it as a curse to be fixed and to be sad about.
I'm not the one with a problem with it, but other people in my life are.

One thing I refuse to do is be sad and act like a powerless victim.
The only thing I can do is play up my strengths, work on my weaknesses, and enjoy my life however I can.
And not allow anyone to tell me what is normal or how I should be living my life.
Only I can determine that.

I'm not sure how to answer your poll yet. I grew up undiagnosed, so my childhood was rather painful. I always wondered why I was so much different than everybody, and why it was so hard for me to socialize despite my best efforts. When I learned about Asperger's as an adult, I finally had a name for all those traits in myself that made my life hell, and never understood how anybody could be proud to be on the spectrum.

I have learned to accept myself, though. Also, the more I learn about AS, the more I start to realize that some of my BEST traits are also due to it! So I suppose I'm in a transition, and am really not sure how I feel about having this condition.

But don't you want to be like ret*d Master?

I guess that I would say that I'm proud. I celebrate my AS and the wonderful quirks and differences that comes along with it.

It's just part of who I am. I don't see a reason to be ashamed of it. It's part of my identity, and I guess that means you could say I am "proud" of it. Not in the sense that I feel it makes me superior; more in the sense that LGBT or minority race people might talk about "pride"--an unapologetic affirmation of your identity as one kind of human being or another, a declaration that this sort of human being belongs in the world and deserves equality with everyone else.

People who haven't thought about it often think that being autistic is something to be hidden, something to be ashamed of; but why should that be? It's just how you are.

I find feeling "proud" or "ashamed" of something like your innate wiring to be an odd concept. I am not "proud" I have blue eyes, nor that I have a decent IQ (both of which are generally seen as "positive" attributes). Nor am I "ashamed" that I have big feet or a big nose (both of which are generally seen as "negative" attributes).

I think people ought to feel proud or ashamed of their choices in life. The things they have control over.

I am ashamed of how much of my youth I chose to waste on frivolous things. It was a string of bad choices and I could have/should have done better. And I am proud that I graduated near the top of my class in graduate school. I worked hard for that. Those things I feel deserve my feelings of pride and shame.

But my wiring? I don't know....it just feels....wrong...to feel pride or shame over something you have no control over. Like if you are proud you are vain, and if you are ashamed you are full of self-pity.

I sometimes worry that my statements about "pride" could be misinterpreted. I certainly don't get any feelings of superiority out of it.

Neither. I am what I am. For the most part I like what I am.