The Stigma Of The A Word

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yes, I cant stand when people think when someone is autistic they think of the worst cases.

What's exactly wrong with being ret*d? From where I'm sitting, I find the majority of people who have a normal IQ to be as stupid as anyone else.

Wow, you can spell a whole heap of meaningless words and talk about a whole heap of meaningless stuff (which a normal IQ allows). That doesn't make you smart, that just means you can talk about meaningless stuff and spell the words you're speaking. It might make you more academically smart compared to the intellectually ret*d bear, but that's just school.

Forest Gump is a perfect example of this.

This is wise. It's easy to disregard these ideas but Dillogic really has a very good point.

Alright I just don't get what I misunderstood.

This is sad. I come back to find so many pages of replies, and I start freaking out, paranoid that this is yet another forum where everyone disagrees with me, and I have to defend myself until I finally give up and stop visiting. Now that the internet has become so mainstream, often times, people will read comments about serious topics, skimming through, completely missing the point, and yet replying their opinion anyway, many of which include insults and vulgarities. ...In other words, its a lot like trying to socialize in the real world. Some are so bad that I just stop visiting the sites altogether.

I am impressed however that this topic did not go down that dark path. Clearly I have found a new home. =)

I feel as though these unintentional bullying causes these victims to becomes even more non vocal, until it does really blow up as some form of tantrum. Its hard to express your feelings and ideas when you are currently in such a mood. And of course, by not being able to communicate something thats so clear in your head, you just get more frustrated. Parents are the childs last resort. If the kid doesnt feel comfortable talking to them about a problem, they never will. Having the parent become the bad guy (even if the parent believes they are doing the right thing) is the worst possible thing.



I once knew of a kid who, to me, seemed like a typical 10yo. I was 28 at the time. He was a bit hyper, but he kind of reminded me of myself, only his story was more severe. First day I met him, his mother informed me that he had ADHD and was autistic. I do not know this kids medical history, but to me it felt like his mother was using it as an excuse for his behavior. Maybe it was because I was comparing him to myself when I was 10, but really, hes 10. Hes going to be hyper, and outgoing. The world hasnt crushed his soul yet. He had a broken arm, and his mother blamed it on his condition. Kid was hyper, running and climbing on things he shouldnt (how many kids do this?) and fell.

Because he was so outgoing, he was a bit of an embarrassment, mostly because he saw everyone as his peer group, therefore constantly tried to socialize among his mothers friends who were 30+ yo. As you can imagine, its hard to communicate when you have a 10yo vocabulary. She once announced to everyone how he had not taken his pill that day and to please excuse him. This made me mad, but I said nothing. Whether the kid was aware or not, she was basically embarrassing him.

One time I was eating dinner with his family. He mentioned what he was going to be for Halloween, even though the conversation topic had absolutely nothing to do with costumes. I could feel a sense of embarrassment among the family, and I believe they even questioned his motives. I however continued his conversation topic because I knew... ...we had previously discussed Halloween several minutes earlier, but because there were no pauses in the conversation, the topic quickly changed before he go a word in. This type of situation had always bothered me, as I too dont know what the time limit for such responses is when topics change. How is one ever suppose to socialize if they can never get a word in?

That same day "he did not take his pill" I tried to keep him occupied so that he wouldnt bother his mother. Despite being 10, he did not know how to tie his own shoes. Granted that its probably a little harder to do with a broken arm, his mother thought it was a waste of time, even though I offered to teach him without consulting her first. Like he would never learn because he simply wasnt mentally capable of learning. I do not know of his IQ, or even if he had been tested, but this bothered me because it felt to me like she just assumed he wasnt capable. Im sure at age 10, if he hadnt learned by now, theres probably some type of learning disability involved, but he still seemed normal to me. I ended up just showing him how to make various origami pieces. He was very interested and pleased that I had given him the outcome, but since I didnt try hard to enforce the learning by having him do each step as I did, he never learned. ...but he was calm and sat down the entire time.

Sadly, his mother passed away later that year, and the woman who lives with his father doesnt want him around. I have no idea what had become of that child, but Im sure it cant be good.



Despite not being ever diagnosed with anything officially, I do have some experiences with psychologists and behavior therapy. Despite being nightmarish, I actually enjoyed the visits, mostly because I was out of school. It was always better to be there than at school. ...but who knows what lesson plan I had missed that day. I also got pretty good grades despite having all the other students claiming I was ret*d. The source of psychologist visits were due to the time when my own teacher wanted my parents to enroll me in special ed. I already knew kids who were in there. They truly were mentally ret*d, as in slow. Many were even disabled to the point that they would never learn anything academically. Like regular school, everything is catered to the lowest common denominator. I doubt that I would be given a lesson plan suitable to my needs. As an adult, I sometimes wonder what it would have been like if I had been put in that class. They arent going to be taught the same things as regular children. It may even be another kindergarten for all I know. Due to my teachers actions, I was tested, and ended up with a high IQ. Even though mensa accepts such a score, the number doesnt mean anything to me, as why should it? I almost ended up in special ed!! ! I am so thankful my parents refused. ...although I do sometimes wonder why they allowed me to stay in her class.



What is he interested in?

I may have a story that might help you and your child emotionally. At some point cartoons become childish, right? So many adults think cartoons are for children. They wouldnt dream of watching TV14+ cartoons despite their adult humor and stories. They will even refuse to watch family friendly cartoons like those from pixar simply because they are "for children." You wanna know what I used to do for a living? I got paid to color and watch cartoons. I am totally serious about this. When I was 8, I wanted to be a cartoonist/animator when I grew up. In college, when asked, I started feeling very awkward about telling people this. But you know what? I ended up doing it. Some of the stuff I have worked on has aired on cartoon network, adult swim, nicktoons, and the CW, as well as shown on various theatre screenings.

Not sure what your kid is interested in, but who knows what it could lead to. I know they say "It gets better" but it does. ...just stinks that so many have to wait so long.



Lemme guess... ...if he tries to defend himself, HE is the one that gets in trouble.



Its hard to assume such a majority would make such accommodations for so little few. ...then again, they somehow managed to ban peanuts in various schools, so why not?



To me "Its THEM" is a good defence. And by placing the blame on them, it helps lift the weight of not fitting in off you. You stop trying to be someone you're not, and can finally be yourself. It may even sound a bit stuck up, but by pretending your better than everyone else BECAUSE you're not "them" your self esteem and confidence is risen. The problem is believing in that though. I will tell myself this, even though many times I will still feel "Its ME."



Well, its hard to keep telling yourself "its them" when the few others who might actually be like you disagree.

Well at some point you realize on your own that you will never be normal, so you just stop trying. I believe this is when most of us start becoming what many consider "antisocial."



quoting simply due to amusement. =)



ignorance is bliss?

I know that its already been mentioned here, but in a way, being an NT may actually be better simply because ignorance IS bliss. What many of you dislike of NTs, wouldnt matter so much if you really were one. Not saying at all that if there were a cure, it should be considered. Just saying that life might be a tad bit easier. Sometimes I wonder if these so called AS "super powers" are worth anything. Im sure there probably are, but is it worth the burden?



I think what happened was that it appeared as though you were saying "Screw NTs! Who needs em! Why would you want to socialize with the likes of them when they could care less about you?" rather than understand that we all still need some, even if little, social interaction. Either that, or Im just as lost as you =)



Yeah, but theyre just going to continue thinking that unless you start wearing a shirt everyday that read "Please excuse my behavior, I have AS" How many of these people ever ask "Why?" Unless you're asked "why?" you cant exactly tell them why you're not all those things you mentioned.

Hmm well that is not really what I was saying at all, more that I myself am ok with not fitting in with what one would refer to as normal people and neurotypicals...and see no reason to really dwell on it since I don't really want to fit in with them anyways. I don't see where I indicated one could get by with no interaction whatsoever.

Then he really shouldn't say "fault", which has such definitions as "a wrongful act" and "a misdeed or transgression" as well. But since he says you're right I'll leave it at that.

Wow - you make it sound really selfish and unreasonable, when for the most part in the case of AS it's people who simply want not to be harassed and bullied for harmless differences in their behavior. But then, it does seem to be the attitude of the majority that simply resisting the urge to be cruel to that "weird person" is an intolerable burden for the majority, while a life of abuse is only what the weird person deserves.

Well, it is the normal attitude, isn't it? Aspies are treated that way, and so are ugly people, fat people, just plain stupid (but not ret*d) people... all of these are apparently too offensive to simply be left in peace, but need to be ridiculed and shamed until they know not to show themselves in public any more. I swear some NTs consider this some kind of duty. And yes, adults do it, just with a bit more subtlety than kids. Simply "forgiving" people what they might not even have any control over is apparently very, very difficult for people. I don't see what's so terrible about it, but I'm a non-person.

While your definition of the word is included, so is mine. If a kid ends up eating lunch at school alone, silently and not harming anyone, an observer will accuse that child of being "antisocial." That child may even be sent to the counselors office even though he/she did nothing wrong. The kid may not want to socialize with anyone and simply likes being alone. Maybe none of the other children want to sit with him/her. Maybe after so many failed attempts at social interaction he/she just gave up trying. Either way, that child ends up being labeled "antisocial."

As for being hostile... ..."It's always the quiet ones."

Is folk wisdom.
Folk wisdom also includes throwing spilled salt over your left shoulder to avoid the bad luck incurred by spilling it.

The way people view Autism is a pain in the ass. To your average NT, Autism= Pathetic ret*d. So while I'm proud to be an Aspie, I'm afraid to tell people because then they'll look at me and treat me like the kids who still need to be potty-trained. Hell, even if they know me, and I explain that Asperger's is just a more mild form of high-functioning Autism (I hate that term.) I'm afraid they'll still have that thought in the back of their mind "Oh, poor William, his parents must be so worried whenever his ret*d ass leaves the padded room." I know that it's an extreme example, but I know that they'll still have that point-of-view that I need special consideration.

Yeah I have had those accusations directed at me.....because I ended up eating lunch alone and didn't have friends and was alone a lot. Not by choice, more because people either wanted to exclude or bully me so I didn't have much choice. And yeah either anti-social or worse a 'psychopath'.

And though this would not be totally accurate I think a good response to that would be 'yeah if you constantly torment the quiet ones.'

I resonate with this post a lot, sadly