Are you hypersensitive to slights or rejection?

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tjr1243
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16 Aug 2012, 9:25 pm

Do you feel just rotten if you think you've been slighted or even the most miniscule sign of it? i do, and it has taken over my life. i just spiral into this deep depression until the slight is either reversed or the passage of time. I really don't know how to deal with this and wonder if any of you have had the same problem and use any coping skills.



Last edited by tjr1243 on 16 Aug 2012, 9:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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16 Aug 2012, 9:32 pm

I do tend to feel very depressed when I feel I have been rejected by somebody...during my teen years, I almost always felt sort of rejected by my stepmother, and that made me very depressed, indeed....

The level of depression stemming from rejection probably depends on the person, tho, and resilience factors, how much the other person's approval matters, etc....I guess I'm not terribly resilient. Then again, rejection (real or perceived) by parental figures is enough to make anyone spiral into depression.


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16 Aug 2012, 9:33 pm

Absolutely. For me, it doesn't even have to be definite. If I even think that I was slighted or rejected, it's depressing.

Unfortunately, I've yet to find a surefire way to cope with it, other than waiting for the passage of time. But, I have found some success if I'm able to focus on A. the friends that I know have accepted me and/or B. the fact that, in the end, rejection from that one person/group is not a big deal. If they're that quick to reject someone, they probably weren't worth the effort of getting to know them anyway.

With that said, it's far easier to say/type that, then it is to do it in that moment. And, it's far harder if the slight/rejection is coming from somebody that I know quite well, and have known for some time.



Lucywlf
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16 Aug 2012, 9:41 pm

I used to be. I would shut down at slights.

I'm learning to accept myself which makes things better.



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16 Aug 2012, 10:11 pm

Yes, I fume at the sligthest slight or rejection. If treated unfairly, I'm merciless. I've earned the right, though, because of how people have treated me all my life.

And if someone so much as looks cross at the stray cats downstairs and I'm there, I get like a lioness protecting her cubs and they have to flee in fear (the humans, not the cats).


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Merculangelo
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16 Aug 2012, 10:18 pm

going to bed earlier helps.



Last edited by Merculangelo on 17 Aug 2012, 3:22 am, edited 1 time in total.

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16 Aug 2012, 10:34 pm

Oh, definitely! It's part of the reason I don't try to date too often. I can't tolerate the inevitable rejection very well. For this reason, I usually only go after women I know and this only makes it worse when I am rejected since it is far more personal.


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16 Aug 2012, 11:08 pm

I sure am.

I sometimes wonder if having difficulty reading NT emotions means that Aspies have greater difficulties building up a strong positive self-concept.

If you cannot tell whether other people like you, how would you ever learn to think of yourself as likeable?

Criticism would be harder to take, if you don't have a strong sense that people like you most of the time.

I usually feel like other people are just a neutral, blank wall. I don't have a strong "warm inner glow" sense of being liked - I merely know that some people (including the Aspies and other neurodiverse people I know) are good to hang around and don't run away from me, and others are difficult to hang around or avoid me. But I only know their behaviour, not their feelings.

Not sure if that is making sense...



Kalika
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16 Aug 2012, 11:18 pm

Sometimes I am, but it's something I'm working on.



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16 Aug 2012, 11:59 pm

Absolutely. If someone flicks me off while driving (I'm a great driver :D, very safe so who knows what irks them), I spend the entire day reliving that moment in furious anger. Sometimes it may even be a joke about an ex or something that shouldn't bother me in the slightest but rubs me the wrong way and I spend an inordinate amount of time going over the conversation and how I'd have liked to respond but didn't because I tend to internalize any negative reaction. What usually helps me 'reset,' I guess, is being alone and talking over the situation out loud for a while. Or longer than a while ;).



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17 Aug 2012, 12:55 am

I tend to get all amped up about this kind of thing and overreact. It's something I've been working on for a long time. Sometimes I get depressed but I'm much better at getting out of depression than I am at calming down from a rage. High blood pressure is the consequence. You know it's bad when your left arm starts to get warm and tingly when you've been upset for a bit.

Getting upset with people can be a real problem for me. I'm an extrovert, a talker, and I have a varied vocabulary that springs quickly to my tongue. Years ago, I decided the best thing for me when I start getting upset is to separate myself from people until I can regain control, otherwise, I'm likely to say things I can't take back. I once shamed a man so badly, he didn't come back to work. He deserved the tongue lashing and others supported what I said, but really? I don't want to use my powers for evil.

Calming down is very hard. I use prayer, meditation, yoga, tai chi, regulated breathing and now self-hypnosis to combat the high blood pressure, in addition to two meds. Each thing helps and the combination of them all keep it under control, but it's a constant battle and consistency isn't one of my greatest attributes.

It's best not to get upset in the first place. I've recently discovered cognitive behavioral therapy as a focus, rather than the subtle part of a program such as yoga. I wish I'd found out about this decades ago. Through testing, I've identified which areas I need to work on most and then concentrate on those areas through activities and games. Since employing these techniques, I prime myself for happy success whatever I do and I don't sweat the small stuff. I'm also better organized.

I resisted CBT for a long time because I thought it would somehow change me, like the drugs. I'm still me, and even more me, just better organized, calm and effective. Also, my doc was trying to add a third BP drug to my list but I was able to lower my numbers using the self-hypnosis so he backed off - and I'm sleeping as much as 4 hours, solidly, with no drugs, whereas before I could only get in 2 hrs. before waking up and having to fall asleep again.


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17 Aug 2012, 1:25 am

I used to get violently angry or hysterically upset when I was much younger.
As I got older, I taught myself not to give a sh*t.
I pretty much just blink at people who attempt to make me feel inferior and walk away.
They mean nothing to me, so why raise my blood pressure and ruin my health over some idiot?
Not everyone is going to like and accept me and that's fine. They don't have to. They don't owe me anything. The world doesn't owe me anything.
I refuse to act or think like a victim under any circumstances.
All that matters is that I am comfortable with myself.



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17 Aug 2012, 1:28 am

tjr1243 wrote:
Do you feel just rotten if you think you've been slighted or even the most miniscule sign of it? i do, and it has taken over my life. i just spiral into this deep depression until the slight is either reversed or the passage of time. I really don't know how to deal with this and wonder if any of you have had the same problem and use any coping skills.


yes i feel the same too. when ever someone gives me constructive criticism i often take is so personally. i try not to but it's difficult sometimes. when i was in 8th grade i used to get made fun of and that made my self confidence plummet so bad that i'm still, even ten years later trying to work on my confidence and be comfortable being myself.


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Kindertotenlieder79
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17 Aug 2012, 1:31 am

Absolutely. Of the three things that have damaged my sense of well being and brought me this horrible level of depression, this is probably Number 1. I have found no way to cope with this. Staying away from abusers helps somewhat, but the memories rarely fade. It makes me feel like Jr. High/High School has yet to end for me, which is ridiculous considering I'm 33. I hope to graduate someday . . .



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17 Aug 2012, 1:35 am

windtreeman wrote:
Absolutely. If someone flicks me off while driving (I'm a great driver :D, very safe so who knows what irks them), I spend the entire day reliving that moment in furious anger. .

i often don't mind it if someone flicks me off or things like that while driving because i know the person doesn't know me and that they would probably do that to anyone. what i take personally is when people know me or know me somewhat and slight me.


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