This was an interesting post on the page (the guy who writes these posts is a highly insightful NT):
"Emotional relating (sharing subjective experiences)
Emotional processing (theory of mind), is the ability to read the thoughts, feelings, and perspectives of others. The ability to understand what they are subjectively experiencing. We look for the hidden meaning behind what people say and do. We do not take language literally and read between the lines. This is the basis of “relating” for neurotypical people (NT); those of us not on the spectrum. As much as this is the nature of our (NT) social processing, it can also cloud our thinking. We quickly infer intent; often misjudging the actual facts, because we "read too much" into them. We often misjudge the true intent of others, or the meaning behind what is accurately happening. We can get overly jealous, read alternative motives, over-exaggerate the intent of others, ruining friendships, relationships, and even causing wars. So, even though we are blessed with the ability to read the thoughts, feelings, and perspectives of others, we are often not very good at it.
This also explains why many NT people misjudge the actions of people on the spectrum. We tend to emotionally read "intent" behind their actions that are not really there. People on the spectrum are often very literal, with little emotional body language.. NT people often read too much intent into their behavior; misinterpreting the behavior as rude, mean, cold and indifferent, when that was not the intent of the person on the spectrum. There is no intent to "hurt their feelings" or effect them in any way. So, emotional processing helps, as well as hinders "theory of mind." It allows NT people to interpret the emotional meaning in the actions of others, but can also distort the interpretation if the emotional meaning that is being inferred is incorrect. NT people need the emotional cues to infer intent. Since people on the spectrum often do not give off accurate emotional cues, NT people often misinterprets the intent they are trying to infer.
Part of the problem with NT people misinterpreting the actions of people on the spectrum has to do with the lack of nonverbal communication. Theory of mind relies on the person having good ability to read nonverbal communication (facial expressions, body posture, fluctuations and intonations in voice, etc.). NT people rely on intuitively interpreting nonverbal communication to read the thoughts, feelings, perspectives, and intentions of others. Nonverbal communication is the language of "emotional relating." Now, people with autism are thought to be weaker at both receptively reading nonverbal communication, as well as expressively using nonverbal communication. If people with autism use less nonverbal language, or use it differently, then NT people are going to have a hard time reading the thoughts, feelings, and intention of them. Theory of mind works much better between people of "like minds."
Reading the mental states of others is not an exact skill. Many NT people are not real good at it. The more skillful people are at reading mental states of others, the more socially competent they are. People who are very successful socially, have good ability to read the mental states of others. However, for many people, they misinterpret the actions of others all the time. That is why NT people have all kinds of emotional problems with each other. When you are not good at reading mental states you often infer intentions that are not there.
So, the inability to adequately read the “thoughts, feelings, and perspectives” of each other goes both ways. People on the spectrum have a hard time reading our mental and emotional states, and we misinterpret (or read more) into their mental and emotional states. Just like people on the spectrum feeling awkward interacting with us, we also feel very uncomfortable interacting with them. Neurotypical people are used do relating with people for whom they can accurately interpret the person’s “thoughts, feelings, and perspectives.” When we cannot seem to read these emotional cues, because they are either not there, or do not understand them (when the body language does not match what is being said), then we feel uncomfortable and tend to avoid interacting and relating with people on the spectrum. So, when both parties are not in-sync with being able to read the internal emotional states of each other, the relating tends to break down. This helps explain why it can be so difficult for those on and off the spectrum to relate with each other."
21 Aug 2012, 5:11 am
