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hyksos55
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30 Aug 2012, 12:43 pm

TheSunAlsoRises wrote:
hyksos55 wrote:
I’d be happy if I could just understand what messages others are giving off.

I’m like “What the devil was that all about.” after interacting with others, usually against my will.


The father of modern day child psychology stated : infants fabricate before they tell the truth.

The fundamental mechanisms involved in the development of socialization, a social mind if you will, makes duplicity in interacting with others highly possible for a large population of folks. :lol:


TheSunAlsoRises


So it’s highly possible that just a large population of folks, are just full of bulls--t then?


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lady_katie
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30 Aug 2012, 12:55 pm

One time someone told me that I scare them because I'm so blunt with observations that I make of them, because they're not prepared to hear them - even though they agreed that they were true.



TheSunAlsoRises
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30 Aug 2012, 1:03 pm

The world needs different minds.~Dr. Temple Grandin

You think differently. And, chances are, the way you think is going to have an effect upon your socialization, communication, and behavior. Depending upon the circumstances and individuals in your life; you are going to be praised for it, criticized for it, or both. Why ? Because like you, a lot of people can pick up on or sense differences BUT your differences put you in the minority so there is an inherent push to either accept you, avoid you, punish you, reject you, hate you, or love you.

Yes, I said, love you.

*TheSunAlsoRises takes out his pipe and lights it*: The people that you think are NOT confused, are too. They have pressures to conform and insecurities, too. BUT, early developed coping mechanisms have greatly aided the instinctual social mind; helps keep the filters on.

*TheSunAlsoRises takes a long puff on his pipe and looks to the great out yonder*: It's a part of life, my friend.

TheSunAlsoRises



Last edited by TheSunAlsoRises on 30 Aug 2012, 1:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

TheSunAlsoRises
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30 Aug 2012, 1:11 pm

hyksos55 wrote:
TheSunAlsoRises wrote:
hyksos55 wrote:
I’d be happy if I could just understand what messages others are giving off.

I’m like “What the devil was that all about.” after interacting with others, usually against my will.


The father of modern day child psychology stated : infants fabricate before they tell the truth.

The fundamental mechanisms involved in the development of socialization, a social mind if you will, makes duplicity in interacting with others highly possible for a large population of folks. :lol:


TheSunAlsoRises


So it’s highly possible that just a large population of folks, are just full of bulls--t then?


They have their issues ,too. We all do, to one degree or other.

TheSunAlsoRises



hyksos55
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30 Aug 2012, 1:14 pm

TheSunAlsoRises wrote:
Yes, I said, love you.

*TheSunAlsoRises takes out his pipe and lights it*: The people that you think are NOT confused, are too. They have pressures to conform and insecurities, too. BUT, early developed coping mechanisms have greatly aided the instinctual social mind; helps keep the filters on.

*TheSunAlsoRises takes a long puff on his pipe and looks to the great out yonder*: It's a part of life, my friend.

TheSunAlsoRises


I love that narrative.


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30 Aug 2012, 1:17 pm

Joe90 wrote:
I seem to give off bad signals to strangers, because I find myself being stared at a lot, and get funny looks whatever I do, even if I do things the ''conformist style''.


Whenever I find somebody staring at me and I can't figure out why, I kindly smile and stare right back at them. They usually feel instantly uncomfortable and turn away. Or, if I'm feeling particularly fun, I do something completely unexpected, like wave to them or start a little dance... also while staring straight back at them. It's amazing how people are willing to blatantly stare at you as though you're a weirdo; yet, as soon as they find out we know what they're doing, they pretend they were never looking in the first place. So judging silently is okay, but admitting honestly that you were judging is not. Odd. Odder than my behavior, at least. (What? I figure that if somebody is staring, I might as well give them something to stare at. That's being odd after the fact, not before it. :wink: )



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30 Aug 2012, 1:19 pm

TheSunAlsoRises wrote:
The world needs different minds.~Dr. Temple Grandin

You think differently. And, chances are, the way you think is going to have an effect upon your socialization, communication, and behavior. Depending upon the circumstances and individuals in your life; you are going to be praised for it, criticized for it, or both. Why ? Because like you, a lot of people can pick up on or sense differences BUT your differences put you in the minority so there is an inherent push to either accept you, avoid you, punish you, reject you, hate you, or love you.

Yes, I said, love you.

*TheSunAlsoRises takes out his pipe and lights it*: The people that you think are NOT confused, are too. They have pressures to conform and insecurities, too. BUT, early developed coping mechanisms have greatly aided the instinctual social mind; helps keep the filters on.

*TheSunAlsoRises takes a long puff on his pipe and looks to the great out yonder*: It's a part of life, my friend.

TheSunAlsoRises


I wish this site offered "Like" buttons...



hyksos55
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30 Aug 2012, 1:21 pm

TheSunAlsoRises wrote:
hyksos55 wrote:
TheSunAlsoRises wrote:
hyksos55 wrote:
I’d be happy if I could just understand what messages others are giving off.

I’m like “What the devil was that all about.” after interacting with others, usually against my will.


The father of modern day child psychology stated : infants fabricate before they tell the truth.

The fundamental mechanisms involved in the development of socialization, a social mind if you will, makes duplicity in interacting with others highly possible for a large population of folks. :lol:


TheSunAlsoRises


So it’s highly possible that just a large population of folks, are just full of bulls--t then?


They have their issues ,too. We all do, to one degree or other.

TheSunAlsoRises



Yes, it’s good to remember that others are people too.


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30 Aug 2012, 1:41 pm

League_Girl wrote:
True, it may be just them. hard to tell as an aspie though about who is right or wrong. I have noticed on there that we either think we are always doing something wrong or other people are always wrong. We either blame others or ourselves. I am sure some of us go back and forth between the two like I do. It wouldn't make sense to always blame my problems on others and also accept the fact I have AS because I would mind as well be in denial about it if I always think it's other people with the problem. I know it can be both. It can be you and them. You because of your issues and them because of their lack of understanding and them refusing to work with you to make it easier for you.


Well said. Communication is a two-way street by definition.

I figured that, if I can come to understand what it is that I'm 'doing wrong', so to speak, it would be highly selfish and even irresponsible of me to lay the blame with the other party. If I try to make compromises and meet the other halfway, at least I can say I made an effort if the other person will still approach me as if I'm weirdo or a jerk.


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30 Aug 2012, 2:06 pm

I devoted my life to answering this question, invested my all in it. Nowadays I don't think anymore like you, guys. Truth is, at my age, I've seen enough criminals, abusers, nasty, arrogant, too quiet, too loud, too shy, too this, too that. and they all have friends and belong to their groups. I think the only thing that they don't like about us is that we're different. Unfamiliar. Aka strange, odd, weird, alien. We don't breathe when a person is supposed to breathe, we breathe when a person is not supposed to breathe, just different. Of course, if asked, they'll have to find something that bothers them, but I don't believe in those "examples" anymore. For every fault they've found with me, I can name countless people who have it much worse and still have friends and belong.


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30 Aug 2012, 2:14 pm

I think sometimes it can be the lack of emotion, the shyness, the awkward conversation lull and the fact that sometimes aspies don't stick up for themselves. Now I'm not saying that every aspies has these traits but I think those things are big factors.



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30 Aug 2012, 4:14 pm

I don't always know what emotion to show when I'm just walking along on my own. Not everybody is feeling something every second of the day, and I don't quite know what people expect me to do. If I look worried (because I may be feeling anxious about something), I get the odd looks, so that's out of the question. If I tut or sigh (showing that I'm annoyed when something annoys me), people look up or grimace, so that's also out of the question. If I partly smile, I still look funny in some way and I don't see many other people doing that when walking about on their own. In fact often when people are walking about on their own, they kind of look moody, like you're unsure of how they can be thinking or feeling. Often people say to me, ''people don't glare at you, they probably just happen to meet your eye whilst holding a solumn expression on their face'', and sometimes I wonder if it's true. Often when I catch sight of the bus-driver's face in the mirror while he's driving, he's usually pulling a blank face.


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tjr1243
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30 Aug 2012, 9:33 pm

i've been trying to figure this out myself, particularly the subtler problems. One of the subtler aspects (after analyzing my own responses compared to how I "should" have sounded) is seeming a bit nitpicky or obsessive. This comes out of an Aspie unawareness of how much what the other person just said should be responded to, and how much can be ignored.

For example, when NTs talk to each other, i've noticed that they don't always answer all of the questions that the other NT just asked. They pick and choose - or are quite general in their response. Whereas I like to be quite exact and specific. This may come off as anal. I am just very literal. If someone asked a question I want to answer it. But NTs have an odder way of communicating (lol, the irony) .... they are so freaking broad and general!

But there is a social function to being general and not saying much in the way of content i guess :?



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31 Aug 2012, 8:26 am

Something I noticed about myself that turns people off is that when I speak, I am very black and white, there are no grey areas, and I also speak in absolutes. I don’t really think this way I know there are grey areas and there are exceptions to every rule, it’s just hard for me to talk that way. It’s like I’m thinking we are both intelligent people here and we know there are exceptions so no need to go into them. The black and white thing might be because I like to compartmentalize everything with a label and it’s just easier to have everything as black and white, or this is right and that is wrong. Anyone else relate?


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Samian
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31 Aug 2012, 9:11 am

hyksos55 wrote:
I’d be happy if I could just understand what messages others are giving off.

I’m like “What the devil was that all about.” after interacting with others, usually against my will.


I can relate to that. Usually a few days or weeks later it all becomes clear to me - whatever the situation was that I was in or trying to understand. yup.

The weird thing is , I have the intellect to understand almost every situation, I just can't do it in real time. The speed of processing just insn't there.



hyksos55
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31 Aug 2012, 9:19 am

Samian wrote:
The weird thing is , I have the intellect to understand almost every situation, I just can't do it in real time. The speed of processing just insn't there.


I understand same here.


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