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Joe90
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11 Sep 2012, 11:15 am

I don't know if ''testing you'' is the right word for this type of thing, but sometimes I feel people do things just to see how I react. Like when a man at my volunteer job asked me out, about a week later he texted my saying ''somebody told me that he saw you arm-in-arm with another man in the town'', which definately wasn't true, and when I asked who said that, all he kept saying was ''I won't tell you who, but it was nobody who works at the voluntary job.'' It was then I knew something wasn't right, because everybody who I know outside our volunteer job doesn't know him, and everybody who he knows outside our voluntary job doesn't know me, the only people who know that we know eachother are the others who also work at our voluntary job. And I hadn't met up with him outside of work yet, and he doesn't have a picture of me or anything, and also I don't live in the same town as him. So either somebody was making stuff up to him, or he was just saying all that to see how I will react, so that in the future he could see if there would be any differences in my reaction if I did be seen with another man. Seems quite a clever plan but unfortunately it didn't work on me, which was why I finished with him that same day.

Anyway, enough about me, but I was just wondering if anybody else here have had similar experiences with people, feeling like people think they can test you without stopping to think how you might feel.


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Radiofixr
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11 Sep 2012, 11:42 am

Yes every day and relentlessly too. They do not get what they want so they up the pressure-NT's and Aspies.


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TheSunAlsoRises
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11 Sep 2012, 12:05 pm

LoL.

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TheSunAlsoRises
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11 Sep 2012, 12:28 pm

Throughout history, people have referred to life as a 'game' or a 'test'......in reference to how one responds to challenges and choices.

Yes. People will seek to 'test' you......for many different reasons, commonly to probe for strengths and weaknesses, to ascertain your character, ........to simply see what you will do.

It's a part of life.

Some tests are like pop quizzes, they don't appear to count for much but they can accumulate over time; therefore, help or hinder you. Some tests are like major exams, they can allow you to make a great leap forward or one backwards. But, it ain't over until the final exam.

Just my 2 cent

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Last edited by TheSunAlsoRises on 11 Sep 2012, 12:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

League_Girl
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11 Sep 2012, 12:48 pm

I think everyone gets tested. I got tested last week so my mother could see how good my common sense is. She told me to bring down the box springs whatever they are called. It's what goes under the mattress and the mattress sits on top of it. It was lying on a table and it was too heavy for me to even lift and carry. I was worried that if I tried to get it and bring it down for her, I would drop it and break it so I didn't get it for her. Then mom told me she was testing me and she was worried about if I was actually going to try and do it. I passed the test by not listening to her because I was so worried about dropping it.

My last ex used to test me all the time. I sometimes test my husband to see how he react.

I also know people do it to see what kind of person they are like they may play mind games with you like "Oh you can go home if you like, you don't have to be here. I will be fine." So you go home and then you find out later your girlfriend is upset with you because you were selfish she says because you didn't stay in the hospital with her. Instead you went home and went to work and never came and visit her. Those games always piss me off because they don't work with me due to my literal mind so I feel manipulated and tricked. Mom did that sort of game to me with the box brings but I didn't get upset because I passed the test and she would not have gotten mad at me if I did as she said. She see it as her own darn fault for testing me.


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btbnnyr
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11 Sep 2012, 1:35 pm

I think that people are doing this to each other all the time. I rarely do it. When I do it, I am much more likely to test people on what they know rather than on how they react.



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11 Sep 2012, 1:49 pm

My mum was testing me a couple of weeks ago, saying that she wanted me to live in the present. I tested her back by asking on the phone, if she wanted me to be more like my younger sister who's always been up to date with all the trends and fashions and not to mention music. I also asked her if she wanted me to be like everybody else. She tested me back by bitching about how I've been spending most of my life trying to live in some decade. I tested her by telling her that I was being myself in the Mid-90s when I was dressing like The Kinks. She tested me by saying, don't hang up on me all pissed off. I tested her by hanging up, anyways. She phoned me when I was out to make amends. I told her that I like the 60s more than most people and that's my happy place. My mum told me that she doesn't compare me to my sister and she doesn't want me to be like everybody else. She also said, of course you're going to wear the same clothes as The Kinks, because you like those clothes.

I also don't want anybody here asking if it would be healthier and easier for me to live in the present, because the answer is going to be, "No." I went all crazy after trying that for two years with the energy drinks and the depression and anxiety in the summer of 2009.


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daydreamer84
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11 Sep 2012, 1:54 pm

League_Girl wrote:
I think everyone gets tested. I got tested last week so my mother could see how good my common sense is. She told me to bring down the box springs whatever they are called. It's what goes under the mattress and the mattress sits on top of it. It was lying on a table and it was too heavy for me to even lift and carry. I was worried that if I tried to get it and bring it down for her, I would drop it and break it so I didn't get it for her. Then mom told me she was testing me and she was worried about if I was actually going to try and do it. I passed the test by not listening to her because I was so worried about dropping it.

My last ex used to test me all the time. I sometimes test my husband to see how he react.

I also know people do it to see what kind of person they are like they may play mind games with you like "Oh you can go home if you like, you don't have to be here. I will be fine." So you go home and then you find out later your girlfriend is upset with you because you were selfish she says because you didn't stay in the hospital with her. Instead you went home and went to work and never came and visit her. Those games always piss me off because they don't work with me due to my literal mind so I feel manipulated and tricked. Mom did that sort of game to me with the box brings but I didn't get upset because I passed the test and she would not have gotten mad at me if I did as she said. She see it as her own darn fault for testing me.


I hate the "do you want to" tests. Of course I don't WANT to do the chores..I don't enjoy taking out the garbage but I WILL do them if it would be helpful. I used to get in trouble as a kid when my mom asked if I "wanted to" take out the garbage and I would just say "no" and then go back to watching T.V. Now I've learned what she means and I'll usually just do the chores when she asks this way; sometimes saying "I don't want to but I will if It'll help" which she laughs at and tells me it will help. Still other people will do this to me - like staying in the hospital with a friend if you "want to" -and I often still think 'if you want to" means that she doesn't need me to or care that much either way so it's just my choice-what I want to do. This is confusing because sometimes people do mean this literally and sometimes they don't. :roll: When I was in the hospital because I had to have half of my thyroid removed I told my mom I wanted her to stay with me....I would never think to test my mom to see if she was nice enough to stay with me out of her own volition- I know nobody WANTS to sit in a chair in a hospital when they could be in the comfort of their own home - but I knew in that situation that I'd feel better if my mom was there because I was scared -and I know that my mom will always be nice enough to stay with me if it would make me feel better. I wish people were more direct in this way- wouldn't you still find out if a person was unselfish enough to stay with you if you said "it'd make me feel better if you stayed so I want you to stay" and they decided to stay? Why do they have to say they WANT to stay?-it's not even true!



Robdemanc
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11 Sep 2012, 2:00 pm

I never do it but I think NT's do it all the time. I think they are constantly doing it to each other and I think they all know it is being done. Life must be one long false test for them. I think it is horrible and I always try to fool people who I think are testing me.



alucardunit1
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06 Nov 2020, 12:10 pm

Yup and normally when I notice its a game to them I dont play.



Joe90
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06 Nov 2020, 6:41 pm

This happened 8 years ago.
But if someone does want to test me, at least test me in a way that doesn't insult my intelligence. I have tested people before, but in very subtle ways, where they don't feel like they're being "played with". In fact they don't know at all that I'm testing them, I just do it secretly, in my head, then observe, without nobody knowing. And I bet people have done that with me too. But the way this ex-boyfriend did it was way too obvious and it made him look like he could be a jealous sort of boyfriend. So he failed on that part.


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12 Nov 2020, 5:50 pm

I don't test people because it's immoral, so not much of a point to it.

However, whenever I encounter a bad person who recognizes me, such a person tests me just for fun.


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12 Nov 2020, 7:16 pm

I don't generally thought about people testing me.

I just don't see the need to prove myself.
Also because whether I want to or not, I just don't act, feel or think consistently.

So anytime a person asks, whatever the intention -- genuine or not, while it's all my responses are genuine...
Genuine in a sense it's the best I could and would do at the moment.
.. It's also inconsistent.


Too used to be confused and frustrated with myself to bother and 'fix' anyone's assumptions about me, who are almost equally just as confused or frustrated.


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12 Nov 2020, 9:10 pm

I think people in general tend to test each other a lot, especially if they are nervous about something and don't want to be straight forward.



League_Girl
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13 Nov 2020, 1:43 am

I think lot of people do this and it has nothing to do with your disorder. Women have admitted on FDS that they will purposely cancel their date the last minute right before it happens to see how the guy will react. Women have also admitted on there they will purposely play dumb to see if the man thinks they are really that stupid or they do it to test his patience to see how patient he is.

I have seen men admit they will purposely drive a POS car on their take and take the woman to it after to test them to weed out gold diggers. I have seen men admit to they will purposely pick low effort places to eat at on a date to see if she is a gold digger, same as with cheap gifts despite his high income.


I think this game is bogus and doesn't really do anything. If I knew a man was doing this to me, I would be gone. Why be in a relationship if you can't trust the woman? I would think he isn't ready for one and I don't want to deal with his issue of trust because maybe his other partner used him for money and then dumped him when she got what she wanted or she wanted high expensive stuff from him and expected him to buy her a car or something or just give her money for anything.


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13 Nov 2020, 2:47 am

Sometimes, but it can be a riskier game than they tend to realize.


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