being awkward sucks

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I don't mean to offend anyone here but I can't stand being awkward. I would say it is the symptom in my life that affects me the most. I reckon I would be a happy person if I could just communicate naturally on a regular basis with people. But why is that so much to ask?
It's so frustrating being surrounded by people who share your interests and your viewpoint and who actively want to engage with you and perhaps make a friendship and you just can't do anything about it.
Is there anybody else here who feels the same? That the pure social awkwardness experiences is the worst thing you encounter in life. I just feel so alone.

I live in a perpetual state of embarrassment. I have been honest with a few about my struggles, rather than withdrawing like I normally do. I am finding a few who accept me. I am probably more in the way of me than anyone. I don't know if I will ever stop cringing. It just seems to come with being me.

I think a lot of aspies feel this way. Luckily there are support groups like Wrong Planet.

No I don't feel the same, OP.

Yes, over 5 decades of being socially, and somewhat physically awkward, and counting.

I hate being awkward too. I sound awkward, I look awkward, and I act awkward. I am so shy that I'm avoiding going to a party this afternoon. I don't mind parties, the noise and the people don't worry me, but it's just being shy that it the main thing what makes me avoid parties. I come across as so awkward, I don't talk to anybody, and I become so shy that I'm afraid to move even. So I sit there stiffly, with my chest sucked in, making it painful to breathe, and I tend to follow the person who I know the most around, and I'm afraid to have a drink in case I choke or burp or something, and I just think everybody's thinking, ''who is that really shy girl?''

Also I feel awkward in public, especially after knowing that a lot of old women don't like young people very much (not all old women, but some), and that makes me feel awkward. Also I think that I'm in the spotlight all the time, that every second there's always about 5 people staring at me, and knowing I'm the type of person that mysteriously sttracts attention just makes me feel even more awkward. Also I always get in people's way in shops, probably because I'm just awkward.

Why can't I just be confident like everyone else? It's not fair!

That's exactly how I feel all the time. Every that happens, when I do something awkward or say something wrong or say something in an awkward manner, or do something wrong, I visualise me stabbing myself repeatedly with a knife or sinking into the earth and getting swallowed up, over and over again.

It's kind of like mental stimming, lol. Doesn't make me stop cringing, but it gives me a false sense of assurance that if I'm killing myself dead, embarrassment can't affect me.