Should I threaten my social worker with suicide?

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Callista
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15 Sep 2012, 1:23 pm

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So you're basically saying you are not really suicidal but want to pretend you are in order to get somebody to do what you want?

That's not called threatening somebody; it's called blackmailing them. I have full sympathy for your situation but people who are genuinely suicidal will just quietly go ahead and kill themselves. They will not flounce around blackmailing and manipulating people. They will just go ahead and do it. Therefore, if you threaten to kill yourself your social worker will probably know you are not really serious, and are only saying it to try and get what you want.
Okay, I agree that threatening to kill yourself if you're not suicidal is the worst sort of misbehavior. But people who really are suicidal often don't stay quiet about it. The thing is, even when most of you wants to die, there's usually still some small part of you that wants to live and wants there to be some kind of hope. And if that's the case--as it usually is--they will usually mention it to someone, maybe casually or vaguely, or maybe very bluntly. Someone who has decided to commit suicide may quietly go ahead and do it, but someone who still has any doubt whatsoever--even if they are seriously suicidal and making plans--will often speak up about it. The "If you say you're suicidal, you aren't" thing is a myth. Most people who say they are suicidal really are, and are saying so because they want help, and probably wish someone would stop them.

If you're suicidal, a mental ward may keep you alive. It's certainly safer than being alone. But that's all it does--keep you physically alive. It's not pleasant. It's a last resort. Living is worth it; but it's not something you want to go through if you don't absolutely have to. And you, OP, don't have to.

Unless you really are toying with the idea of suicide. Maybe you're posting this as a way to feel out the possible options. Well, in that case, go get help. Tell a counselor or your doctor or just a sensible person you trust who can help you find someone to get your brain to stop trying to kill you. If you're making plans and/or you feel like you might do something impulsively, call emergency services. No, it's not pleasant, and you may even be mistreated, but it's a way to survive. When you're suicidal, getting through the next few days alive is your first priority.


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JellyCat
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15 Sep 2012, 1:28 pm

Plodder wrote:
I do not agree with you, JellyCat. Living and sleeping in a house, however shabby, noisy, small, or dirty it may be, is infinitely preferable to having to sleep on the street. It's a no-brainer.
I'm saying it's not as good as it seems, that's all.



Rascal77s
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15 Sep 2012, 1:51 pm

OP I'm trying to figure out how to be sensitive about this but I'm finding it very difficult. You were provided a place to live at minimal or no cost to you and you want to 'threaten' your social worker with suicide because your free place to live is not perfect. Are you on crack? You have no idea how fortunate you are. Whoever said '1st world problem' was spot on. Can't you be just a little bit grateful for what you've been handed?



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15 Sep 2012, 3:21 pm

Thanks Callista, you expressed that much better than I could. As I said this is certainly not my first tactic, and even though I'm not OMFG ON THE TEETERING EDGE OF EXISTENCE desperate *right now*... in the past I did indeed wait until I was on the very edge before even contemplating anything. This is, essentially, partial desperation and partially 'testng the water'. I mean, it's not even sensible to wait until one is absolutely out of one's mind, right?

And for everyone else who says that this is an issue of ingratitude: I really hoped you (aspies) of all people would understand... I feel like I'm inside a cage, due to not being able to go out due to the busy street. How do *your* sensitivities affect you? How can I be grateful when all it seems they did was replace one nightmare with another?



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15 Sep 2012, 3:28 pm

Mootoo wrote:
Thanks Callista, you expressed that much better than I could. As I said this is certainly not my first tactic, and even though I'm not OMFG ON THE TEETERING EDGE OF EXISTENCE desperate *right now*... in the past I did indeed wait until I was on the very edge before even contemplating anything. This is, essentially, partial desperation and partially 'testng the water'. I mean, it's not even sensible to wait until one is absolutely out of one's mind, right?

And for everyone else who says that this is an issue of ingratitude: I really hoped you (aspies) of all people would understand... I feel like I'm inside a cage, due to not being able to go out due to the busy street. How do *your* sensitivities affect you? How can I be grateful when all it seems they did was replace one nightmare with another?


Maybe that sort of thing doesn't get to everyone on the spectrum....I know I can only put up with so much noise and chaos before it starts overwhelming me and interfering with my functioning and general well-being, so I can see that being an issue. Whether there is anything they can do about it or not is another matter. Even an hour in stores like wal-mart is hell for me those damned florescent lights just don't let up.



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15 Sep 2012, 4:57 pm

I wouldn't do it. If you do something like that, you could end up in a psych ward.


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15 Sep 2012, 4:57 pm

Callista wrote:
Quote:
So you're basically saying you are not really suicidal but want to pretend you are in order to get somebody to do what you want?

That's not called threatening somebody; it's called blackmailing them. I have full sympathy for your situation but people who are genuinely suicidal will just quietly go ahead and kill themselves. They will not flounce around blackmailing and manipulating people. They will just go ahead and do it. Therefore, if you threaten to kill yourself your social worker will probably know you are not really serious, and are only saying it to try and get what you want.
Okay, I agree that threatening to kill yourself if you're not suicidal is the worst sort of misbehavior. But people who really are suicidal often don't stay quiet about it. The thing is, even when most of you wants to die, there's usually still some small part of you that wants to live and wants there to be some kind of hope. And if that's the case--as it usually is--they will usually mention it to someone, maybe casually or vaguely, or maybe very bluntly. Someone who has decided to commit suicide may quietly go ahead and do it, but someone who still has any doubt whatsoever--even if they are seriously suicidal and making plans--will often speak up about it. The "If you say you're suicidal, you aren't" thing is a myth. Most people who say they are suicidal really are, and are saying so because they want help, and probably wish someone would stop them.


I apologise for making a sweeping generalisation based on my own limited experience. My experience is of somebody who was always saying to me hysterically: "if you don't do XYZ, I'll kill myself" so I know a lot about the threat of suicide being used as emotional manipulation. However, I do not have any experience on which to base my sweeping statement about genuinely suicidal people, so I was wrong to say what I did. I only said that because I was always being told by other people: "don't fall for it - if the person were genuinely suicidal she would go ahead and do it. She would not be blackmailing you." So I was only repeating what I've always been told - that suicidal people don't make threats; they just kill themselves.

I am sorry if that information is wrong. I do not have any direct experience of suicidal people. OP, I apologise, and if you are genuinely feeling suicidal, I am sorry for being insensitive. I hope you do not kill yourself and your life gets better and you get the house you need. (((((hugs))))))



unduki
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15 Sep 2012, 5:20 pm

Threatening suicide when you're not is selfish and immature. If you want to handle your problem like an adult, do what the rest of us do; follow the chain of command.

You probably have been given information on how to handle grievances; try that. Usually, it involves contacting the worker's supervisor. If that doesn't get the needed results, move on to their boss.

I've done this countless times and always got what I needed. For me, insurance companies are the worst. When my daughter was 20-months old, she needed a surgery to live and they tried to deny it because it was a little complex. I went through 3 executives and a Senator to get her that surgery, but I got it and it completely fixed the issue. Today she is a healthy, happy 21 yr. old mother.

You sound like you have some legitimate complaints and I definitely can understand how you feel like you're at the end of your rope (I have neighbor issues), but you need to find a more positive and adult solution.


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1000Knives
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15 Sep 2012, 6:04 pm

Mootoo wrote:
1000Knives wrote:
shrox wrote:
OP, the UK is different than the USA, we wouldn't even be as fortunate as you, most are just told "too bad" and end up on the street.

You've got it good.


Yeah, OP, this sounds very first world problem right now.


Oh, so the US is third world now? :P


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unduki
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16 Sep 2012, 12:44 am

Hahahaha a poor me contest...


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16 Sep 2012, 12:46 am

unduki wrote:
Hahahaha a poor me contest...


how so?



Callista
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16 Sep 2012, 1:03 am

I can absolutely understand that it might be torture for someone with sound-sensitivity to live in a noisy environment. That's like expecting somebody who uses a wheelchair to live on a third-floor apartment with no elevators. A quiet environment--at the very least, some kind of soundproofing--is something that some people physically need. They will overload without it.

For those of you for whom noise is an annoyance and no more: You are lucky. But don't assume that everybody else is that lucky. Some people will get so worn out by noise that eventually they are lying on the floor, crying, feeling horrible and helpless and trapped, with every new noise feeling like an electric shock across their whole body. It's a very real problem. Yes, a noisy apartment is better than being on the street--but "It could be worse" is no excuse when it's already plenty bad as it is.

If someone has sensory disintegration disorder to the point where noise can overload their system like that, it's not a matter of preference anymore. It's a very real need, an accommodation that they ought to get. They are not being unreasonably demanding.

Look at it from this person's perspective: If you are desperate enough to consider doing something as bad as threatening suicide, then you're pretty desperate. And unless you are an absolute brat, that kind of desperation says there's a real problem.

However bad your situation gets, you still don't have the right to treat other people badly; and that means not attempting to manipulate them (besides, come on; if you're an Aspie they'll see right through it). But there is absolutely nothing wrong with insisting on getting something you need.

It could be that there simply isn't a quieter apartment available. If that's the case--if it's out of everybody's control--then you just have to do your best to survive. But if you can get a quieter apartment, then go for it, and don't take no for an answer.


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16 Sep 2012, 4:10 am

Just out of personal interest, can I ask why my post, giving practical, tried and tested advice on what to do, has been completely ignored?

Is it because I don't talk in a 'cool' enough way? Do I in fact talk like a very uncool person with Asperger's Syndrome?

For once, I'd just like to know exactly why the OP has ignored my advice.



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16 Sep 2012, 5:01 am

Plodder wrote:
But people who really are suicidal often don't stay quiet about it.


Most people who commit suicide or try to commit it even talk about it befor.

I had a friend he allways talked about suicide and how someone can kill oneself and he allways talked about it over and over again until it was even kind of normal for everyone. He went several times in the psychiatry because he sayed he would be suicidal again and it went on like this for years.
Well, now he is dead, he commited suicide. :cry:

Plodder wrote:
Most people who say they are suicidal really are, and are saying so because they want help, and probably wish someone would stop them.


Yes, that's also my experience.
But I also think that there are better alternatives that threataning to commit suicide.

I also know situations when it gets so difficult to handle for me, sometimes even just because of little things, that I can hardly handle it. And I think that's because of the autism.


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Last edited by Raziel on 16 Sep 2012, 5:22 am, edited 1 time in total.

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16 Sep 2012, 5:20 am

Mootoo wrote:

Oh, so the US is third world now? :P


America is a third world country that doesn't know it yet. I lived in Detroit for a time, so I've experienced it first-hand. In terms of human rights and quality of life, the US is way behind the rest of the developed world (and even much of the developing world at this point).

In the US a single male with no children or dependents (even one with documented disabilities) would not get a free apartment.

Work out things you can do to drown out the noise. It's a whole lot noisier out on the street or in a psych ward.



nessa238
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16 Sep 2012, 10:03 am

Mootoo wrote:
Thanks Callista, you expressed that much better than I could. As I said this is certainly not my first tactic, and even though I'm not OMFG ON THE TEETERING EDGE OF EXISTENCE desperate *right now*... in the past I did indeed wait until I was on the very edge before even contemplating anything. This is, essentially, partial desperation and partially 'testng the water'. I mean, it's not even sensible to wait until one is absolutely out of one's mind, right?

And for everyone else who says that this is an issue of ingratitude: I really hoped you (aspies) of all people would understand... I feel like I'm inside a cage, due to not being able to go out due to the busy street. How do *your* sensitivities affect you? How can I be grateful when all it seems they did was replace one nightmare with another?


You could try listening to good advice when it's given. I suspect not doing this in the past has led to the situation you are in now.