Maybe I'm just lazy and stupid.

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Dear WP,

I'm not sure if this belongs here or in The Haven (mods, if you feel like moving it, feel free to do so). This is a bit of a rant. I need to express what I'm feeling and you guys seem to be the only ones in the world who understand me.

I feel so stupid. I started studying at university about 3,5 weeks ago. I don't know why but I just can't focus in class/lectures. I'm just sitting there getting stuck in my own head while the teacher/professor is talking about important things. Instead of listening I'm observing people, trying to understand my own thoughts and feelings, being anxious, getting distracted by things/people moving and/or the sound of the projector/radiators/people talking etc. Last week I had a major shutdown in class because of it. I just sat there and stopped paying attention to things around me. When I "woke up" the whiteboard was filled with equations and things I didn't understand because I had not been paying attention. I quite often leave classes/lectures early because I can't focus which I find extremely annoying and tough.

Every time a teacher/professor asks questions like "are you following?", "do you understand what I mean?" etc, the whole class nods while saying "yes". And then I'm sitting there thinking "what the heck?!" while not understanding. Sometimes I think I'm listening but I'm not actually listening. Do you know what I mean? I know I'm actually quite intelligent but since I started uni I feel like I'm really stupid. I have a hard time starting projects as well which makes studying at home very difficult. I procrastinate a lot. I was the same in high school but I always thought I was just tired of school. But now, when I was actually looking forward to studying, and these things still happen I suspect there might be something more serious behind all of this. Either I'm lazy and stupid or I've got some sort of real problem.

I think the few people I've actually got to know a little bit at uni think I'm quite weird. I've heard things like "what's wrong with you?", "what's the matter?" when I can't focus in class. And they have commented on my "weird" habits when it comes to food.

At the same time I'm really worried I won't get assessed for AS/AD(H)D. It hasn't been decided yet. I'm just scared everyone will say nothing's "wrong" with me. That nothing can be fixed. Not sure what I'll do if that's the case.

Anyway, I just wanted to vent a bit and if anyone's been in some sort of similar situation and/or if anyone's got any sort of advice, I'd appreciate it.

Thanks.

Ive been in similar situations but i was always invited to the ''popular'' group because i was always the big guy that they all wanted to be like, even though id hardly talk when i did id always tell them interesting things about any topic.

But in the end i just couldnt concentrate and would always fail about 3 -4 months into the course. now that i no i have aspergers i think i could do them things a bit easier but i really dont think ill attempt uni again. to me it just seems like a waste of time studying for that long, but i could be wrong of course.

I don't know about Sweden, but in US colleges, profs usually have office hours when you can ask to have things clarified.

I've known people who made a point of showing up to their prof's office hours ever week or two simply because it helped the prof notice them and got the prof on their side a bit.

I'm officially ADHD (Dx by a neurologist in the mid 80's) /suspected AS and this happens to me too. I have always had a hard time with this sort of thing. Worse still, when I went back to college a few years ago, I was on Adderall and could concentrate very well. However, I had to go off of it due to the cost and after that it all went to crap. Plus, I work a night job and the only Calculus I class available to me was at 8AM, and I got off work between midnight and 1AM. Even though I could sit there and listen I absorbed none of it. It was very frustrating as it all looked so easy and logical on the white board but none of it sunk in! I wound up having to take the class twice. Part of this was because of my concentration difficulties but part of it was the sleep issues I had from the anxiety that being unable to fall asleep was causing me. (I have had anxiety issues all of my life). The anxiety and lack of sleep were shutting me down and so I had to stop school until I could get my regular life more in order. I had a porch roof collapsing on the back of my house that I couldn't afford to fix and a number of other issues stemming from my executive functioning/organizational issues. There was no sense paying for classes I was just going to fail. As of right now I am trying to finish sorting my life this fall and may go for an official Dx before going back to school for the spring session.

I have ADHD along with the AS and I take meds for it which has helped me sustain focus during classes even when I'm not intensley interested in the topic. I take Strattera which is a non-stimulant medication....because I had a very bad reaction to Ritalin. If you do start taking meds for focus make sure you're being monitored really carefully while you're on them... because especially the stimulants are really strong but they can help some people a lot.

Another thing I do is I take a single chair (there are some at the front of the lecture hall near the prof's desk) and place it at the end of the front very front row (but a little bit apart from the desk) I can focus better because I'm not as distracted by the other people and the little noises they make, things they do. This helped me a lot. It only worked for me because there were a couple chairs at the front of the room (maybe for T.A.'s) but no one ever sat on them and there was a little space at the end of the front row so I could do this. If there are chairs in your classroom maybe you could try this. If not maybe you could ask to bring in a chair and do this (just say you have issues focusing or sensory issues). You have to cross you legs and then just write on top of your binder bcs you won't have a desk though.

Also maybe you're just not interested in the topic and should take courses that are more interesting to you. Is this course required? Do you like your program? It's ALWAYS easier for anyone to focus if they're interested.

A lot of people have trouble when they first start college so I don't think it is just an Aspie thing. I had difficulty juggling everything and time management for the longest time. Focusing has always been troubling as well. I think you should try to look into study programs on campus. Most colleges have free programs like the university I attended had a program called SARC (student academic resource center) where they go over methods and even some tutoring.

Have you consdered your learning style. Some people are very good at hearing things, some people have to see them, some people have to read them and some people have to feel them (like make drawings or writing things down).

I am not good at learning from hearing. If I have the time I read up on the subject so that I am well prepared for the subject. It is very important for me to take notes, otherwise I will not be able to remember (I rarely read them again, it is just the process of writing stuff down that makes it stick in my brain). You could videotape (on an smart-phone that will make it less obvious) the lecture, but be sure to ask the teacher first. I like the advice about sitting in the front so that you do not see the other students.

Get enough sleep and eat healthy.

I never really figured out how the social code worked at uni. I was very good at some things but was never able to make an impression on the professor because I did not know how to make myself noticed. It wil be a huge advantage for you that you know about your AS, it will give you much better coping strategies.

Sounds like a real problem to me. The same happened to me when I finally managed to get my secondary school diploma at 25 (!). I was overjoyed that I could go to university. I loved it, but to my surprise I started to get panic attacks, both during lectures and outside class. To this day, I still don't know what triggered these attacks, but my guess is major overload on all fronts; sensory, intellectual, emotional and social.

What I've learned over many years is that I need to control my stress levels. If I don't, my brain starts to do funny things like completely shutting down to the point that I can't even do the simplest things anymore.

These days I study open courses with video lectures that various universities offer. This allows me to figure out what exactly is going wrong when it is going wrong. These open video courses actually have helped me find out. If I watch an entire lecture, I've lost it by the end of the hour, no matter how interesting the lecture is. Some universities/open course websites (e.g. MIT, Coursera), split the videos up in short pieces, followed by some exercises to practice on directly after the video. I've found that I do remarkably well in this way and can go on for hours without shutting down.

Of course, this is difficult/impossible to do in a RL university, but perhaps you could ask the dean/student mentor if you can bring a recording device with you (audio or video), so that you can watch it later in case you shut down in class?

I'm in the exact situation. It is called ADD?
And it bothers me when i have somebody to listen. They keep on repeating what they said and it's hard for me to get what they meant.
One time i even thought i'm deaf and went to make an otoscopic examination. Of course, i don't have any hearing problems.

Yeah I had the same problem in uni really bad, I learned (late) to compensate by making good notes and reviewing them at home every day, although time consuming. Getting diagnosis might buy you extra time for exams.

On a side note I think most people in uni were clueless on the subject, they just copied everything the professor covered and got decent grades.

Hi,

The same thing happend to me. You are not stupid! (Well, to be fair, I don't know you, so maybe I'm wrong^^)

For my part, it was depression. I didn't know until it became so bad I couldn't get up, or even remember my own name (my blood pressure was 80/60 on good days, and I suspect I passed out a lot).
I still have concentration troubles, even now (I have a job, not studying anymore), but it's totally manageable (and I guess I always been like that).

I can't say if it's the same for you, but if it is, do not wait!

Get yourself down to Elgiganten and get yourself a diktafon (around 400:-). Then you can record your lectures and listen back to the bits you missed.

That's good advice...I never had motivation to listen to hours of recording after class.....but if you do this would solve the problem because you can keep rewinding and replaying different bits until you pay attention and understand it.

For some people, just the act of taking notes in class is often sufficient. In most of my classes, I took good notes and never looked at them again except to get homework assignments. But taking the notes helped me remember the material.

For those classes where taking the notes was not enough, such as history classes, I would go through the assigned reading material and outline it as well. The combination of the two always did the trick for me.

When someone I used to know was in law school it was very against the rules to record the lectures. He fixed up his brief case with a hidden tape recorder and recorded his law school lectures. While working at his after school jobs, he'd listen to the lectures again. He would also transcribe the lectures onto paper and then sell that to the other students for them to study.

That's a good idea. BUT, I very much doubt that's allowed unless I've got an official diagnosis (which I haven't).