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Logicalmom
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30 Sep 2012, 11:06 pm

Hi folks,

Sorry if this has been posted before. I am just trying to ease some of my embarrassment. It is just a general feeling that follows any time I have interaction with people - particularly when I feel 'exposed'. That is, I am 'myself'. Intellectually, I'll grab the wise words of Popeye the Sailorman: I Y'am what I y'am. I guess I am not as intellectual as I like to think I am. I just can't shake embarrassment. Maybe I just have to accept that part of me, too. I don't know. The story of my life: I don't know. ARGH! :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops:



emimeni
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30 Sep 2012, 11:09 pm

It seems that you are shy on top of having autism. I know auties and aspies are streotyped for being shy, but really, it's the social ineptitude that leads to the shyness, not the other way around.

I'll be interested in seeing the replies to the thread.


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Logicalmom
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30 Sep 2012, 11:27 pm

Thanks emimeni,

It seems I am shy in retrospect, if that makes sense. I think I feel somewhat confident, but then I have a reaction of embarrassment in review. I'm my worst judge, I think.



emimeni
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30 Sep 2012, 11:32 pm

What happens if you refocus on the things you did right?


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mrspotatohead
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30 Sep 2012, 11:41 pm

I feel exactly the same way when I talk to people. It seems impossible to focus on the positive because the positive points of the interaction don't seem to matter in light of how stupid I think I sounded overall.



Logicalmom
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30 Sep 2012, 11:45 pm

Thanks again, emimeni,

I guess I am just not sure what I have done right, and maybe I have done nothing wrong. I am just so unsure. Following your suggestion, I guess I can at least say I am polite. I mean well. I try. I'm not mean spirited. I suppose that is a good thing. Thank you. I will try to look at it from that view.



Logicalmom
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30 Sep 2012, 11:47 pm

Hi mrspotatohead,

I guess you posted while I was writing my last. That's what I am struggling with, too.

Thanks for answering.



leejosepho
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01 Oct 2012, 12:10 am

Logicalmom wrote:
... Intellectually, I'll grab the wise words of Popeye the Sailorman: I Y'am what I y'am. I guess I am not as intellectual as I like to think I am. I just can't shake embarrassment ...

I have spent a lot of time doing my best to sort all of that out, and it seems my emotions can ultimately trump my intellect and throw me back into another paralyzingly-embarrassing spin almost every time. Or to say that in another way: The "philosphical comfort" of something such as "I y'am what I y'am" is no longer enough to trick me into beliving intellect has trumped emotion.

What is the solution? Keep learning and studying in order to have more to offer to others, then find satisfaction in meeting them at their own points of need.


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Last edited by leejosepho on 01 Oct 2012, 12:17 am, edited 3 times in total.

emimeni
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01 Oct 2012, 12:13 am

mrspotatohead wrote:
I feel exactly the same way when I talk to people. It seems impossible to focus on the positive because the positive points of the interaction don't seem to matter in light of how stupid I think I sounded overall.


I used to think like that. It was exhausting, so I stopped.


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mrspotatohead
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01 Oct 2012, 11:39 pm

emimeni wrote:
I used to think like that. It was exhausting, so I stopped.


I try to stop, but it's really much easier said than done. I'm pretty sure it took you a long time to stop if you really did completely.



y-pod
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02 Oct 2012, 7:19 am

I know that feeling. I'm not very shy and tend to chat with strangers easily. I try to limit it to under 10 - 15 minutes, though. Or I get the same feeling after, thinking I've shared too much or seemed too eager. I think some of us not only have trouble finding the right things to say sometimes, we also have trouble knowing when to stop. Oh well as long as you didn't share your credit card number or intimate details, the embarrassment is mostly harmless. :)


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thechadmaster
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02 Oct 2012, 7:37 am

Im constantly replaying failed social situations in me head, it seems that everytime I open my mouth, i say something embarrassing. Of course I only realize my gaffe after ive already spoken.

like the OP said, its social ineptitude that causes shyness, not the other way around.

my boss actually wrote me up for being too shy.


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AnotherKind
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02 Oct 2012, 8:24 am

I feel embarrassed and guilty almost all the time when I'm talking with some people. Sometimes it goes to such an extent that I wake up in the middle of the night with a HUGE anxiety wondering if I'm not crazy (because these are the nonverbal cues that I usually perceive from others)



Underscore
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02 Oct 2012, 9:18 am

I feel very embarassed. It's a feeling that takes complete control over me. I also struggle with being too eager/excited over things that I mabye shouldn't feel that about. And I often get a significant "sting" whenever I communicate with people I don't know, like it is a overload/too much, and it sets me back. I don't know if I have to confine myself so that these situations don't occur, or if I just have to accept them because they are inevitable because of my personality. I could analyze every situation and environment and try to fit in and don't do things that are abnormal, but I don't think I want to do that. It may be better to expose myself, be myself, and communicate and interact like I should, like what is healthy, even though I am very embarassing socially. I can't avoid it, I have to deal with it and accept it.