I tried too hard to be an NT and screwed myself massively up

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Yeah, ECT is kind of a last resort. If the choice is between ECT or depression so severe you stop talking, feeding yourself, or leaving your bed... well, despite the side effects, it can be worth trying. Deliberately inducing seizures isn't something you want to do lightly, though.

You know, even if ECT is no longer indicated for psychosis, that's what I was trying to say.

GUYS! PLEASE FORGET ABOUT THE F-ING ECT. IT WAS A SO CALLED JOKE.

sorry I took that literally.

Yeah, so did I. We're literal folk here.

2. Sudden change in environment happened (immigration to Europe) and everything went wrong. Suddenly, I was this socially useless piece of mud. The environment expected stuff I couldn't do and I couldn't cope with them because everything was so complicated. There were suddenly girls at school. You had to participate verbally. There were discussions. The pupils were actually halfway adults with girlfriends and stuff and went out to bars etc.

3. I tried TOO HARD to cope, to learn the social cues, to fit in. and guess what. It worked..... somehow. Or did it? At least at some point I thought it did. I was socially active at least. But in retrospect, I was just that pathetic clownish idiot tryig to be funny and participating in talks in his weird way. Staying a lonesome outsider with very limited contacts would be better. The parties and get togethers all gave me panic attacks or sensory overloads (or wharevers) anyways. I was trying to socialize and was suffering like a dog doing so. WHY ACTUALLY?

4. This “trying to cope” also had it side effects. It has made me “hyper-vigilant”. Meaning that I am too awake and am thinking and analyzing everything all the time. (Who said what. How did he say it. Why did he say it. What was his facial expression etc. and not just people. EVERYTHING) and I also have work for myself when no one was around. I practice talking and socializing for example. Or I just talk to myself and imagine different social situations to improve my language. My language won't get any better than this but I CAN'T TURN IT OFF ANYMORE. I cant turn off any of these anymore. It's not like OCD or whatever. It's like having developed muscles in places in my brain where there shouldn't be any. And THIS is what I mean by trying to hard to be NT and screwing yourself up.

5. This “hypervigilance” was probably confused with another symptom called hyperreflexivity and earned me the Schizophrenia diagnosis. On the other hand, I cant stop to think, analyze or basically stop my mind, or even body. I'm probably one of the most agitated people on earth. I've had the strongest tranquilizers but felt no difference at all.

So. here's my story.
What do you think? How many ECT sessions do I need?
Cheerz
Omid

No ECT is not good for psychosis Doctors used to think it was ages ago but now it's only used for severe cases of depression when the patient has tried everything else and nothing has worked...........it doesn't always work but has had some success for depression. Also they only do it on the right side of the brain now in these cases to prevent damage to memory and language as a side effect (they used to do it on both sides).