Aspies DO have the desire to having social contacts. Right?

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I don't have an inability to interact with peers, but I do generally have a lack of desire (but not 100% of the time, because well...now I'm 40 and I've learned to appreciate the value of peer relationships), and a lack of appreciation of social cues (but again not 100% of the time...largely because I've studied them and see the value in picking up on them), and in stressful environments I struggle with socially inappropriate behavior. However, as my therapist has pointed out a higher IQ is helpful in the self control department. I know what's appropriate and what's not (mostly, lol) because I've read, learned, been taught, and paid attention. I still make mistakes though. I realize when my brain starts throwing socially inappropriate options at me that it's looking for an escape route from too much stress and it's time to excuse myself and take a break in a more socially acceptable way before I have a meltdown or do something equally emotionally inappropriate...which will happen if I don't do something socially appropriate in a timely manner to prevent it (isolate myself from the social stress). Because being social really stresses me out. It's not something I seek out very often and I stay home most of the time.

I didn't develop this ability to be social overnight. Mom said she had to really push me to even play with my sister (and her with me) due to our utter lack of interest in interaction when we were pre-school age. I had a few friends in school, but never in my own class until HS, and usually I maintain a lot of emotional distance with my friends even now (but again, I let people in once in awhile). Occassionally I've been known to systemize a group of friends for a task (sometimes fun, sometimes work) just like I systemize other things, and that can work when planned right. But in order to do that well you have to get to know a lot of people, and develop relationships with them.
Most of the time I'm focused on my interests, but I also share interests with friends, and when I've been isolated for a long time (weeks or months) sometimes I miss them. Lately I've been focused on something else and not on my usual interests, and I'm missing my friends because they are often interested in my unique perspective and right now I think I'd be interested in their general-experience perspective (which I suck at).

I have autism, and I don't have the social desire.

Something that I have heard out of the mouths of various people is that the distinction between someone with high-functioning autism and someone with Asperger syndrome, beside the difference in language development, is the following:

HF-autistics do not seek out social interaction, lacking the desire to do so.
Aspergers do wish to seek out social interaction, but go about it in a clumsy manner.

I realise that these are generalisations, and I don't know how much of it is true or can be tested. But I, having been diagnosed with autistic disorder and not Asperger syndrome, do not feel the urge to socialise quite so much.

However, my very presence here on Wrong Planet, indicates that I do have some desire for social interaction, even if it's online instead of offline in this case. I mean, I'm talking to all you guys because I think you're good company.

It really depends on the person.

Wanting something doesn't mean that it can be obtained, nor does it automatically mean "normal" as some would think. It's just a matter of personal preference.

Like me, I like having friends, but I practically never do, largely because other people judge me (because of the AS). But I don't go anywhere, I never "hang out", I just stay at home, usually on my computer or playing a game or watching tv. Always alone.

I like talking to people, but only if they can carry a conversation without being overly absurd about something, and only if I'm in the mood to talk.
So for me, the want is there, the opportunity and capability however, are not.

as a child, i didnt want friends at all and didnt play with the other kids.
every once in a great while, i'd play with another kid but it never lasted. same as a teen.
for some reason, in my early twenties, i thought i wanted to be around people, but when i was, i got tired of it very quickly... i've learned that being around people is must making me miserable. and now i just want to be alone. i have no friends, no kids, no husband, nothing, because i cant deal with it. i have my nieces, but before that, i was alone for over a decade... and it barely bothered me. i cant have it any other way.

Thank you so much for your numerous relies.
but i'm just wondering.. it's probably kind of stupid to ask this here because the people not interested in social contact wont visit this forum anyways so the answer i get here sould be very biased. (forum -> kind of last resort social contact IMO)
i see that the smaller half are saying that aspies dont need contacts but what if we get the aspies NOT on wrongplanet to also participate ??

I desire social contact but I don't get very much of it at all - pretty much none at the moment. I'm not good at making or keeping friends and I'm not good at social situations unless there is some specific purpose or structure. It bothers me a lot actually, I'm really a very lonely person :/

I certainly do. Primarily to fit in.

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