How to improve relating with an aspie

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Moondust
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Joined: 29 May 2012
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,558

05 Oct 2012, 7:26 pm

I was asked this question on another thread and decided to give the topic its own thread.

For me, respecting my differences with NTs, adjusting to them whenever it's not too uncomfortable for them but it's very difficult for me, and being kind and interesting is enough.

Conversely, disrespecting my difficulties (criticizing / having no patience for / ignoring my aspie traits, be it a strength or a weakness, eg my depth of analysis and need for meaningful conversation, by jumping from topic to topic) kills any possibility of relating.

Examples:

- Using lots of subtext (not nonverbal but subtext), as in passive-aggressive (eg. pretending not to hear a question you don't want to answer. Or saying one thing with words and another with actions. Or showing offense but refusing to say why, to keep me on eggshells and constantly all-pleasing. Playing games, such as "rewriting history", i.e. claiming a different thing was said or that something was never said, to harm me indirectly).

- Scapegoating me or trying to take advantage of me because a loner not-by-choice is such an easy target. Becoming controlling, with threats to leave, because aspies are so lonely they'll give in easily, you figure.

- Rejecting my unconventionality as "crazy", "mean", etc.


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