How would you describe your thoughts during a meltdown?

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Zodai
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03 Oct 2012, 1:51 am

More specifically; the emotions themselves - I'm fairly curious as to if we all meltdown in the same way or not xD

Generally, my "mind" seems to be operating normally - I'm able to think to myself and try and sort out a solution; but it seems nearly impossible for my physical self to make any sort of follow-up to it.

After talking with one of my teachers; it's possible we just get a sensory overload from whatever happens to be stressing us out; because we end up over-focusing on it.

How would you guys describe it?

---EDIT---

I've noticed people experience meltdowns differently in physical ways. Generally I just end up kind of "Shutting down" physically; in which I'll end up not talking and just sitting there for a large period of time. Either I eventually calm down; or someone expects some form of verbal response, which sometimes just pushes me further over the edge >_<



Last edited by Zodai on 03 Oct 2012, 3:04 am, edited 1 time in total.

Issit
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03 Oct 2012, 2:07 am

Zodai wrote:

After talking with one of my teachers; it's possible we just get a sensory overload from whatever happens to be stressing us out; because we end up over-focusing on it.


Ah! That makes sense.

..

I do not know how to describe it, really.
I have got emotions and thoughts all over the place,
but there is much repetitions.



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03 Oct 2012, 2:27 am

I usually am just really upset and when things get heated I almost am laughing at myself on the inside thinking "oh God, here we go again lol".

I mean yes I'm angry, but there's something liberating about being openly angry as opposed to letting it brew underneath the surface while keeping a straight face.

I really haven't had a meltdown where I have no idea what I'm doing until it's been done since about four years ago.


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03 Oct 2012, 2:29 am

I would describe mine as pure emotion, for the most part raw anger. I don't really think that much during my meltdowns, except for forming verbal attacks. My meltdowns tend to be violent and aggressive. I always just thought I was naturally an angry, violent person.


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Drebi
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03 Oct 2012, 3:01 am

Well, it depends on the meltdown; I tend to have two different "types".

1) My mind is "normal"; my thought process doesn't seem to change, I can still think and analyze things in a logical and rational way but I basically have no control over my body (I cry, scream, flail, etc.) and I "flicker" between hypersensitivity and hyposensitivity. [I've come to call this a "physical meltdown".]

2) I have no control over my thoughts and I can't make sense of them; they're racing, scrambled, and incoherent but I still tend to "function" properly (I still cook, clean, etc.). However, sometimes I go into a seemingly catatonic state where I only do nothing but stare (although I don't process what exactly, I'm staring at nor do I have control over the staring) and occasionally cry. During the latter of this type, I'm mute and I feel deaf and paralyzed (I either can't hear or I don't process what I'm hearing and even though I try to talk or move, nothing happens). [I've come to call this a "psychological meltdown".]

When I'm having a "physical meltdown", I almost always go into a fit of rage (against myself, structures, etc. - there have been a few times when I've come close to hurting others but (luckily) it was during the stage right before the meltdown when I was still lucid enough to turn away). During all my meltdowns, I feel a strong sense of depersonalization and derealization; everything seems so surreal and I feel as if I completely lack control; like a prisoner or robot.



Filipendula
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03 Oct 2012, 3:03 am

I'm not sure if what I have can actually be classified as 'meltdowns', but if they are, they're always crying meltdowns and never angry.

There have been numerous times when I've just started crying my eyes out over something inconsequential or unnecessary and my partner has started fawning over me asking what's wrong etc. and my response has been something like "please just ignore me, this isn't me crying, this is just my eyes crying".

It often feels like an entirely physiological reaction which I have no ability to control and I can watch it happening rationally and feel really annoyed with myself for it because it makes no sense to me and it completely disarms me against my will. Other times, if it's caused by my partner getting angry or rejecting me, it can become much more real and emotionally connected and then I just feel despair, presumably because I have ridiculously low self-esteem.


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MikaNeko
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03 Oct 2012, 3:12 am

It's hard to explain, it's like I can't think properly and my mind is filled with intense emotions. My sensitivity goes up, and I usually end up running away or screaming and breaking things if I can't.


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SickInDaHead
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03 Oct 2012, 3:13 am

I have never had a complete loss of control kind of meltdown. In fact, my awareness picks up. This is why I cannot understand why some people can get worked up enough to kill someone else in an argument.

But perhaps it's a worse predicament, because I am at the controls, but they don't respond. It's like that scene from "Strange Brew" where they lose control of their van and Bob is behind the wheel saying "No point in steering now".


You know who has the best meltdowns? Mel Gibson. I can tell his mind is working on ways to say the worst things. That's a real honest meltdown when you are trying to burn the bridge while still on it. I wish I could do it the way Mel Gibson does. You can tell he's got that energy.



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03 Oct 2012, 4:31 am

I'm surprised to read that so many people respond to overwhelm with anger. I didn't realise that was the case. I am not an angry person at all and don't respond to things that way, so that has never come up for me.

My mind tends to "shut down" in response to overstimulation. It's like there is a part of it which still works and I'm still aware, I don't dissociate or forget what happened (except in extreme exceptions) but I'm unable to process anything or think properly and communicating becomes an enormous struggle. This happens when I am in a social group - I'm not able to participate, it's as much as I can do to silently try to follow what's going on. Trying to think feels like my brain is running into a wall, and if someone asks me a question I'm barely able to string two words together. On the other hand, if I'm alone with someone in a quiet environment I'm usually fine.



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03 Oct 2012, 4:40 am

As mine usually happen in supermarkets, I lose the ability to think about what I actually need to pick up, or get it mixed up. It usually happens when I don't have a list and am presented with too many options. For instance the other day I went in needing rice and something for pudding (dessert to the Americans). I ended up picking up a can of rice pudding and wandering around the shop for ages. I've also gone into a shop needing basil and ingredients to put on top of a homemade pizza. I spent ages panicking because I couldn't find a basil pizza because those words were all I could focus on.

When this happens, it's kind of like there's a big bubble between me and the world. I can't hear much of what's going on, kind of like I'm encased in glass or underwater. The same with sights - I can't really concentrate on what I'm looking at. This usually subsides when I get out of the shop, but then the movement of people and buses just makes me panic and I start screaming inside my head (and occasionally very quietly under my breath) and flapping my hands a lot.

If something happens and I'm at home, I'll react differently. I usually stand by the wall and press my head against it, and block out light. Or I cover my eyes with the palms of my hands so no light can get in at all.



izzeme
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03 Oct 2012, 4:53 am

most of my meltdowns are sensory, and most of those are audio.
when i have one, i kind of just am not there anymore... my body freezes up for two reasons; there are two forces working in my body and mind at that time.
firstly, there is the meltdown itself, that triggers a state of pure rage that will do anything possible, and then some more, to stop whatever causes the meltdown in the first place (this will likely be something among the lines of climbing in the scaffolding and throwing down the speakers, or more easily, just clobber the person behind the volue control.

opposite of that is the last remaining shard of active conciousness, the last bit that hasn't been forced out by the primal force of the meltdown, that uses all the energy it has left to prevent the first effect, usually by freezing up the body indeed (actively tightening all muscles around, making movement inpossible), and medidating to lower my rage and anxiety into a state where i can walk away from the situation...

emotions dont go into the equation, sinply a matter of a primal urge to "stop that" versus a social "no, dont show anger"



Davuardo
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03 Oct 2012, 6:27 am

I normally find that I notice the fact I have entered a meltdown, without being able to fix it. Then I can't think clearly, and that's the part that makes me most angry, further exaggerating the meltdown.

Physically, I find that my symptoms are just related to anger, clenched fists, tights muscles etc. My main emotions are as stated above, and a rapid and thorough intolerance for all physical matter, be it people or inanimate objects.


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Joe90
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03 Oct 2012, 12:10 pm

My thoughts are completely irrational during a meltdown. They're something like ''if I hit my head repeatedly, my brain might feel guilty for being wired the way it is and might wire itself to an NT brain''. Obviously that isn't true, but I still believe it when angry with myself.


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Callista
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03 Oct 2012, 12:24 pm

Mine kind of get stuck in a loop, like I can't figure out how to solve whatever problem I've landed in, because I can't get out of the loop. It's frustrating. I wouldn't call it "anger", though. More like "getting stuck" or "shutting down". I call it a "mental blue-screen" sometimes.

I usually have some ability to think, and can carry out simple plans I've made beforehand, mostly to remove some of the overwhelming stimuli and get back to equilibrium before I go full-out meltdown.


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03 Oct 2012, 12:38 pm

Most of my meltdowns are shutdowns (like someone else said, I'm hyper-aware; however, I don't respond and my emotions just turn off) :silent: . I also sometimes have: whiny meltdowns, during which I feel very irritable and urgent, and most of my interactions are selfish and/or rude :oops: ; crying meltdowns, during which I feel intense despair and cry over everything, for what seems like forever (although that could just be the depression rearing its ugly head). :cry:



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03 Oct 2012, 12:55 pm

Hmm... During a meltdown, I usually have many thoughts of how sick of this stupid life I am and how I just want to leave this planet or leave this body entirely... I don't want to talk to ANYBODY, but of course everyone always has to ask me what's wrong, and then half the time they'll be like "aw, it's not really so bad, is it?" which just pisses me off even more. It's a combination of extreme anger and depression. I keep bringing back up the thoughts and feelings of how much I feel like I don't belong in this world and how I just wish I could leave it. But I have nowhere to go anyway. Eventually, somebody will say something to make me laugh, and it starts to feel a little better, or I'll smoke some pot or get drunk or something and completely forget about it until the next meltdown.