Do you care about people's feelings caused by what you say?

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balletnerd
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08 Oct 2012, 3:23 pm

I tend to say what I think and since i don't have an intent in anything I say to upset or offend people (doing that for its own sake sounds lame) then I get confused when i do manage to cause offence. i only really care if it is someone who i have already made a strong connection with.



antifeministfrills
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08 Oct 2012, 3:26 pm

DerStadtschutz wrote:

Everybody gets offended by SOMETHING, and EVERYTHING will be taken as offensive by SOMEONE, so most of the time I don't really care.


That's rather defeatist. :P



Joe90
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08 Oct 2012, 3:46 pm

No, I spend most of my life worrying about how others feel that's related to what I say. This is why I find it hard to stand up for myself.

The other week I was talking to my mum's friend who is part Polish, and I knew that but forgot, and we got into a conversation about foreign people flooding on to this small island and I suddenly said, ''I don't like the Polish much'' - and as I was saying it, a thought, ''s**t, she's part Polish'', so I had to correct myself by adding, ''...but it's nothing personal, I just mean those who come over here and take our jobs.'' I do sometimes get bitter because I've been trying and trying for jobs for the past 4 years and nobody will give me the chance, plus there's not much jobs out there anyway.

So for the rest of the day I kept worrying about if I had offended her or not, and the next time I saw her I tried to be really nice to her, making her feel that I am fond of her regardless of what her background is. Well, I am fond of her anyway.

I'm still worrying about what I said to this day.


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DerStadtschutz
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08 Oct 2012, 4:07 pm

antifeministfrills wrote:
DerStadtschutz wrote:

Everybody gets offended by SOMETHING, and EVERYTHING will be taken as offensive by SOMEONE, so most of the time I don't really care.


That's rather defeatist. :P


I guess, but what alternative do I have? Just shut up and stop talking completely?



BenPritchard
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08 Oct 2012, 4:09 pm

Yes, more so than what I used to.



Female
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09 Oct 2012, 3:47 pm

I hate hurting people with my words, but sometimes I can't help myself. I so desperately want others love and approval, and don't always know how to get it. I just want to have friends.



zombiegirl2010
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09 Oct 2012, 3:57 pm

I don't like to anger people, but only because I know that means that they will treat me negatively and talk badly about me to others.


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emimeni
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09 Oct 2012, 5:41 pm

Female wrote:
I hate hurting people with my words, but sometimes I can't help myself. I so desperately want others love and approval, and don't always know how to get it. I just want to have friends.


Yeah, that's my thought process. Thankfully, my Ohio friend/cousin-in-law, Chris, is very understanding of me.


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anneurysm
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09 Oct 2012, 6:13 pm

All the time, constantly, to the point where I'll obsess over it at times. My biggest worry is what others think of me, and if there's anything I perceive as faulty, I'll get down on myself for it.

Over the years, I've developed a good sense of social theory and have a fairly good idea of what and what not to say in certain situations, but this was through trial and error and years of practice. As a child, I was very blunt and would be honest to the point where I offended people and often hurt their feelings, but this was because I had difficulty generalizing, or knowing what to say to people in what situations. However, I find that many people on the spectrum I know have difficulties with this as their feedback with it tends to be inconsistent and at times they may not realize they have offended someone.

I think it's important that if you say something that is interpreted as rude by someone else, the offended party should explain clearly why it hurts them, instead of withholding everything or simply saying "that's rude" or "that's inappropriate". It's hard to know how to not make the same mistake if you're not told why.


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Mostly keeping a distance from ASD-related things (including WP).


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09 Oct 2012, 6:53 pm

emimeni wrote:
Female wrote:
I hate hurting people with my words, but sometimes I can't help myself. I so desperately want others love and approval, and don't always know how to get it. I just want to have friends.


Yeah, that's my thought process. Thankfully, my Ohio friend/cousin-in-law, Chris, is very understanding of me.

Brag about it, why don't cha./jk I always feel like a horrible person. The fact that I have be throwing the self-pitying garbage in my soul all over this fine board makes me feel even more like s**t.