Got the diagnosis at last - Don't know how I feel now

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azzazinator
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15 Oct 2012, 3:48 pm

Hi everybody!

After 36 years of agony (actually 30 years - my first 6 years before school were quite nice), I finally got my AS-diagnosis.

30 years of anxiety, anger, powerlessness, self blame and exclusion.
I thought that it would make me happy finally to know that I was just born different, and that I couldn't have done anything to avoid it. And in some way I am !

But now .... I feel hatred towards all those people who didn't do s**t to help me, other that just force me to do whatever they wanted. And by "those people" I mean those teachers, kindergarden teachers and all those professionals, who just didn't care.

Until lately I couldn't remember much of my school-years. But now I know why :-(
Maybe those deamons are comming back now - I fear ..

All those dreams that perished... All those years in vain...

I want to ask:
How did you feel when you got your diagnosis? And what did you do to cope with it?
Especially those of you who hit rock bottom before you got diagnosed.


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jonny23
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15 Oct 2012, 3:54 pm

I think that's normal. It's how I felt, later after a lot of contemplation I also understood that teachers back when I was in school didn't know how to understand me any better than I understood them.

Edit: I'm self diagnosed so take that how ever you want.



gretchyn
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15 Oct 2012, 3:56 pm

I am still awaiting my diagnosis, but I wanted to say that my mother's family comes from Fredericia. :D I hope that if/when I get a diagnosis, it will be redemptive. I also hope that I will be able to acquire skills to help me with what seem like deficits to NTs.

I don't think it's useful to feel hatred towards those who didn't help. They may have had issues themselves, or they may have not been able to recognize yours. Instead, maybe feel gratitude towards whose who are helping you now!



azzazinator
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15 Oct 2012, 4:11 pm

gretchyn wrote:
I am still awaiting my diagnosis, but I wanted to say that my mother's family comes from Fredericia.


Oh my god! Small world :D

gretchyn wrote:
I don't think it's useful to feel hatred towards those who didn't help. They may have had issues themselves, or they may have not been able to recognize yours. Instead, maybe feel gratitude towards whose who are helping you now!


I know that it's not useful to feel hatred, but I 36 (not dead yet, I know) I can't help thinking about all those things I could have acomplished if I've got diagnosed years ago. By the way - my brother has got autism - pretty severe, so I can't imagine why they didn't make the connection.

And YES ! ! I can't even express how thankful I am towards those people who are helping me now. And by the way ... They are doing it out of kindness, and not because it's their jobs ! !


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j0sh
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15 Oct 2012, 4:12 pm

I went through a phase where I was upset with the people that should have helped me too. We're about the same age, so maybe my reason for forgiving them may work for you too.

AS wasn't in the DSM until a couple years before I graduated high school. It takes a while before a new diagnosis will be well known enough for people to recognize it. The people that could have helped me were probably as confused about what was going on as I was, and I think they did the best they could (most of them). For instance, your kindergarten teacher couldn't have possibly recognized AS, because the diagnosis simply didn't exist when you were in kindergarten (before 1994).

I hope that helps you with getting some closure, and not holding on to negative feelings that won;t ever help old wounds heal.

-j0sh



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15 Oct 2012, 4:15 pm

azzazinator wrote:
By the way - my brother has got autism - pretty severe, so I can't imagine why they didn't make the connection.


It was probably because you could talk. Before AS was added to the DSM, it was unheard of to diagnose someone with Autism if they could talk. I know... the whole timeline and doctors not understanding Autism thing just sucks. Trust me, I know.



azzazinator
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15 Oct 2012, 4:22 pm

j0sh wrote:
For instance, your kindergarten teacher couldn't have possibly recognized AS, because the diagnosis simply didn't exist when you were in kindergarten (before 1994).


Yeah... I know that the diagnoses didn't exist then, and I recognize that. But actually, the school I attended was especially chosen, because it was a small school, and a preferred school for kids with special needs. But all they had was disipline and punishment, including beating those kids who didn't do things right. Well ... not sure if I should mention it, but it was a Chatolic school ....


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azzazinator
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15 Oct 2012, 4:36 pm

jonny23 wrote:
I think that's normal. It's how I felt, later after a lot of contemplation I also understood that teachers back when I was in school didn't know how to understand me any better than I understood them.

Edit: I'm self diagnosed so take that how ever you want.


I believe you're right. I'ts probably just a phase ....
... and by the way... your opinion isn't worth less, just because you're self-diagnosed. Many people with AS are self-diagnosed before getting an official diagnosis.


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jonny23
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15 Oct 2012, 4:41 pm

azzazinator wrote:
jonny23 wrote:
I think that's normal. It's how I felt, later after a lot of contemplation I also understood that teachers back when I was in school didn't know how to understand me any better than I understood them.

Edit: I'm self diagnosed so take that how ever you want.


I believe you're right. I'ts probably just a phase ....
... and by the way... your opinion isn't worth less, just because you're self-diagnosed. Many people with AS are self-diagnosed before getting an official diagnosis.


I'm glad you feel that way, I just wanted to be clear because you asked about after diagnosis and technically I never had one but I know exactly what you are talking about and experienced the same thing.



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15 Oct 2012, 4:48 pm

What boggles my mind, is if you took a graph of all of human time,

from say 40000k, to about 20 years ago, the concept didn't even exist.

All I can feel is why now, and why me. The odds of one being diagnosed in the terms of human history is so very low.

Now we gotta get use to this new world, and I don't know what to think.

Can you imagine if in star trek they predicted that 1-2 percent of the population would essentially be vulcans. :dwarf:



helles
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15 Oct 2012, 4:54 pm

Fredericia, der kan man bare se :)

Diagnosen asperger fandtes slet ikke dengang du (og jeg) var små, og slet ikke i Danmark. Tilsyneladende er Dannark årtier efter bla. USA i disse diagnoser.

Selv blev jeg diagnostiseret (ekspertudtalelse) tidligere i år, da var jeg 40. Det var en kæmpe lettelse at finde ud af hvorfor jeg er som jeg er, men naturligvis er der også en vis irritation over ikke at være blevet opdaget noget før.

Der er faktisk nogle stykker fra Danmark her på WP. Tilsyneladende så går det ikke så godt med mødestederne her i landet?

Hilsner


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jonny23
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15 Oct 2012, 4:57 pm

Stoek wrote:
What boggles my mind, is if you took a graph of all of human time,

from say 40000k, to about 20 years ago, the concept didn't even exist.

All I can feel is why now, and why me. The odds of one being diagnosed in the terms of human history is so very low.


I don't know about 40000k years ago but just because we've come up with a name for it recently doesn't mean it didn't exist before.



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15 Oct 2012, 5:35 pm

jonny23 wrote:
Stoek wrote:
What boggles my mind, is if you took a graph of all of human time,

from say 40000k, to about 20 years ago, the concept didn't even exist.

All I can feel is why now, and why me. The odds of one being diagnosed in the terms of human history is so very low.


I don't know about 40000k years ago but just because we've come up with a name for it recently doesn't mean it didn't exist before.
I'm aware, but it todays society and in the past there are completely different meanings.

Also, I don't think there was as much aspie interbreeding in traditional societies. In modern times a career, and inpersonal cities, seem to suggest that some form of racial grouping may be in our future.



azzazinator
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15 Oct 2012, 6:30 pm

Sorry guys, but I'l be answering the post from helles in danish. Anyway we're just talking about danish forums and things mostly localized to Denmark ...

helles wrote:
Diagnosen asperger fandtes slet ikke dengang du (og jeg) var små, og slet ikke i Danmark. Tilsyneladende er Dannark årtier efter bla. USA i disse diagnoser.


Ja, åbenbart. Jeg måtte såmænd også belære psykologen om at AS skam lå på autisme-spektret. Og det føltes
faktisk også som om jeg vidste betydeligt mere om det en han gjorde.

helles wrote:
Selv blev jeg diagnostiseret (ekspertudtalelse) tidligere i år, da var jeg 40. Det var en kæmpe lettelse at finde ud af hvorfor jeg er som jeg er, men naturligvis er der også en vis irritation over ikke at være blevet opdaget noget før.


Hvad indebærer en ekspertudtalelse ? Jeg overvejer nemlig kraftigt en af de udredninger man kan få på Autisme Centeret (i Valby tror jeg). De kan nemlig også udrede skånebehov mv.

Mit har altid været så tydeligt, at jeg faktisk blev "opdaget" allerede inden jeg startede i børnehaveklasse. Men desværre viste det sig at skolevalget (eller rettere sagt den af kommunens sundhedsplejerske anbefale skole) var et yderst uheldigt valg.

helles wrote:
Der er faktisk nogle stykker fra Danmark her på WP. Tilsyneladende så går det ikke så godt med mødestederne her i landet?


Nej, jeg har osse ledt med lys og lygte efter danske mødesteder, men jeg har kun været istand til at finde et dansk forum, hvor man skulle godkendes. Godkendelsen kom aldrig, så jeg må antage at den lå i dvale.

Kender du noget til Aspergers-foreningen?


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jonny23
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15 Oct 2012, 6:40 pm

azzazinator wrote:
Sorry guys, but I'l be answering the post from helles in danish. Anyway we're just talking about danish forums and things mostly localized to Denmark ...


I'm glad you clarified cause I thought my computer got a virus for a second!