Feels like my partner doesn't value my opinions.

Post Reply New Topic

Feeling deflated and a little annoyed at the moment after a pretty nasty argument with the girlfriend.

It all started because she got a text message from our local clinic saying our son could have a free flu vaccination. She knows how I feel about certain vaccinations, and this one in particular was one of the useless ones. It does nothing to protect my son from the flu, it only serves to stop them passing it on to old people. Reports and trials show bad results, and many parents refuse to give their child this vaccination.

My child is fine. He deals with any cold (rarely gets them tbh). Giving him a vaccination that isn't required only increases the chances of side effects, potential future issues that are unknown and in some cases death. Why do I want to give him this?

My partner agreed with this 2 weeks ago. But since getting another text rather than ask for my opinion, she hits Facebook and asks her friends. I asked why she couldn't ask me advice, and she said "You take the moral highground, you always think you're right".

What?!

I research. I look at pros and cons. I show facts from trials (and facts hidden from trials). Is that my fault that I know how to research, thus my arguments are usually better formed? I don't hit Facebook and ask the people who blindly follow any advice given, or read some article from some tabloid.

Because I'm intelligent enough to research, that makes my opinions invalid?

She said "It's always black and white with you, there is never any in between". Apparently everything must go my way. But this isn't the case. I argue my corner and defend my position, but I don't tell people my decision is final and they must do things my way.

If I can see something doing more harm than good I will speak up. Especially when it concerns medicine! I read books such as Bad Pharma, that gives incredible insight into the corruption within the pharmaceutical industry. That knowledge helps when researching and making decisions.

But does that mean my opinions should be invalidated and not even brought into subject? It seems ignorant to me. It's actually hurt me to the point we're not talking.

Just one of those days today

Yeah....my wife doesn't value my opinions, either.

It's just so frustrating. As you know from past posts, we've had issues in our relationship. They seem to die down, then flair back up again.

Just now she said she was going to buy him some sweets for after school. I said "Ok, cool. But could you have a word with him about his answering back and not listening". She put the money back down and said she wouldn't get him any sweets. That's not what I said, or meant. All she said was "You've voiced your opinion and I've listened".

Another "what?!" moment. Because now I am being made out to be controlling. This hurts. And it's so hard. I just get it thrown in my face.

I asked my partner to not allow our child to play with her friends child. We used to have him around every week, and my son would go to their house once a week. But this other child is awful. At 7 he swears, screams at his mother. His mother screams in his face calling him a "p****". She swears at him. This lad will shout out "I'm going to kick him up the fu*king arse" (talking about my son). I caught this at school once when I picked my son up. When my son and this lad play together, if this kid don't get his own way he stamps his feet and shouts "I will smash this control pad off my face, and then break my own arm".

My son started copying. And thats when I said this needs to stop. Because my son is a brainbox, very clever, and very caring. He doesn't need to see this way of life as normal. His brain is a sponge.

All I get accused of is being controlling. Numerous times I've begged my partner to invite other friends from school around, build new relationships with children and parents who are not teaching my own child bad things. But my partner seems to think it's not a problem, all because this girl is her friend.

It's Christmas soon, and I managed to work very hard to make sure we have a decent Christmas. All the money we have for Christmas I have shed blood, sweat, and tears, to get it. I've had sleepless nights, working for pennies.

... and I feel like I am not appreciated.

Feels like this relationship is at breaking point, and I can't take it no more.

Sorry for the rant. This is the only place I can really vent out.

He's your kid as well as hers.

I understand your feelings. You want your kid to grow up to be a decent person.

Do remember: try to avoid loud arguments in front of him. Kids are affected when their parents get angry at each other in front of them.

I felt that way with my Aspie husband All The Time.

Before diagnosis, he would bury me with data, talk over, and say it in the most superior, William F Buckley monotone voice. The Royal WE.

This was for everything from the type of bread we should buy to more serious things.

I finally blew, and I mean blew like Chernobyl blew. 15 years of feeling like a talked down idiot, what do you know I'll wave all my data (most from dubious web sites) came roaring out like lava. I was packing my s**t to leave, and he went hysterical.

What do you mean? What do you mean? I thought I was giving you facts (he could expound over an over an hour the pros and cons of the flu vaccine. I stopped listening after 10 minutes). WHY ARE YOU LIKE ALL THE OTHERS AND DON'T LISTEN TO ME? I DON'T THINK YOU ARE STUPID. WHY ARE YOU LEAVING?

Because you have diarrhea of the mouth, never let anyone else talk, and you think the world should spin according to your will.

Not one of my finer moments.

Now I know he Aspie Monologs and that is driven by anxiety. He can't read body language, so he never knew when people where shutting him down. He can't think on his feet, so you get all the data at once. He has pragmatic language issues. His idea of a discussion is bury you with facts, and that will show YOU he is right. He can't have a true adult discussion without panicking and shutting down.

Every social interaction with a human is a gut churning nightmare for him.

We are really working on having a conversations, amd not just data dumps. It is a very hard habit it to break. He will data dump and spin off topic. When he does this, he tells me he isn't listen to the other person, because he is setting up what he should say next. The listener is sort of irrelevant. (I still don't understand this)

It might be the way you are giving the information, and not so much that the information is wrong. That played a huge role in friends dumping him, and his co workers absolutely hating him.

My wife sometimes gets irritated at me for similar reasons.

But...sometimes, she come across as being the "practical" one. She feels, due to her "practical" experience, that she's always right, and that I'm wrong!