Consoling People and feeling Uncomfortable

Post Reply New Topic

Has anyone had touble consoling people?

Like if they got into a break up or something bad happend to them.

I guess this goes along the lines of empathizing too.

For instance: One night my roomate and I were just chillin' and decided to call my other roomate to see how she was doing. (she was with her boyfriend.)

When we called her she was breathing hard and crying and all the words we could understand was "on the street". So we ran out side and there was my friend sitting on the street floor with her bag and stuff scatterd everywhere crying.

I was so shocked to see this.

Immediately my friend rushed to her side and started to hold her while she was telling her what happend. (she got into a fight with her boyfriend and he allmost runned her over on purpose because of it.)

All I could do was stand there. I didn't know what to really do. I then fallowed my friends lead and came up and started to hug her. but it felt so uncomfortable. Then this guy came and told us to call the cops on the punk. So I took this opertunity to run inside and dial the phon number but got a busy tone. And I was relieved becuase I wouldn't know what to say if someone had picked up any way.

Later on, once they police came and gone, I was there with her in my room and the only thing I could think up was asking her if she wanted some tea.

Has anything like this ever happend to you?

Is there any advice or reason why I would feel like this?

Thanks!

Yes. I've pretty much come to the conclusion that I'm incapable of consoling people. I stand there awkwardly, not knowing what to do or say. It doesn't matter who the person is. My wife, my kids...

At least with them, I can ask what's so upsetting, and I'm comfortable giving them a hug. That's as close to consoling as it gets. Usually that buys 30 seconds with the kids, until they demand to see their Mommy. It buys 5 minutes with my wife, and then she'll call her mother.

With others, I've learned that some people will want to give me a hug, or will want me to hug them or touch them, which freaks me out, and in some cases, I've flinched or recoiled, making things worse.

At the very least, I've learned over time to stand there LOOKING comfortable and confident. Sometimes that helps...it helps me anyway.

Im overly empathetic, but when it comes time to consol them i just have no idea what to do, it seems like whatever i say or do makes them more upset, so i just say "awww... it's ok, im here if you need me" and i might give her a hug, but I can see it doesnt make her feel better.

Not personally but I have been a witness to a mugging, its shock really - and offering a cup of tea is natural a police officer would of offered the same thing or medic or anyone else.

Mainly listening I think is the best comfort to someone….
Understanding…
Comfort

It's shock really... happens to anyone first time...

Ohmygosh yes. It's been a huge problem for me, especially since I have some very emotional friends. I emphasize and feel terrible about whatever's happened to the person, but I usually just stand there like..."uh....what's wrong? anything....I can do to er....help?" Don't have any tips, but I know where you're coming from.