Theory: people with a happy childhood don't 'get it'.

Post Reply New Topic

Okay, this is just a theory, and by the people I mention, I mean people who are neurotypicals and had/have no siblings/parents with any kind of isssues (Downs, autism, depression, anything that causes mental strain/issues). And of course, had a happy childhood.
And by "getting it", I mean, understanding other people's woes with their parents/issues, or mental strain (is that the right word?).
This is just something I was thinking about because one of my Leaders/friends doesn't understand when I tell him stuff, and yeah, he thought I was being oversensitive. But, someone else with a rubbish childhood, awful parents and then later episodes of depression, does empathise.
I don't know. Thoughts? I don't want to make this about my issues. I guess it does vary from person to person.
Does it get to the point with you, when you want to tell more stuff to someone you like, but run the risk of them not understanding/"getting it"?
Please don't jump on me, I'm just curious.
Much obliged.

I supoose as with everything, it is easier to understand and empathise when you or someone very close to you has been through the same thing, as you have that experience to draw on.

Not that people who haven't been through the same thing can't sympathise and offer emotional and practical support (in fact sometimes I think it is easier to offer practical support when you aren't emotionally involved) but there will be to some extent a barrier to them fully understanding how you feel.

I feel this way, having no semblance of family. Other people see my life as extremely depressing if I mention any semblance of truth. But to me it's normal.

Franky, I don't really think it's about whether the person has had a happy childhood, but rather whether they've either had a decent, relatively care free life, OR had similar problems but either dealt with them well enough or simply brush them off. I think people in all three categories tend not to "get it."

So, in essence, I agree with the OP, but feel that the categorization of those who don't get it, is a little wider than "people with a happy childhood." There are a lot of other reasons someone may not "get it" too, than I have mentioned.

On the other hand, I would NOT agree that all people with a happy childhood don't get it. There are some that do.

Sweeping generalizations are rarely accurate.

"Shuddap! Stop yer whining! I'm tired of your complaining! Everybody suffers! You're just exaggerating!" -- From people who've had happy childhoods.

To people who've made the above quotes --

Not all of us had happy childhoods, loving parents, and a wealth of opportunities. Most of us have had to struggle for any kind of positive recognition and success. At least I know how to survive on the streets. You would be hard-pressed to find your way across town without your credit cards and wireless devices.

I hope that one day you learn what real suffering is like. Then we'll talk. Until then, you have my heart-felt contempt.

I'll disagree a little, I'm one of the "lucky ones" who has had a good childhood, at home at least, and although I accept the fact that I cannot hope to comprehend some of the troubles other people go through, like addiction, disorders (that aren't as), and other stuff I haven't had much experience with, I do try to respect the fact their problems are ther, and the limits it causes the person to have.

while I can't say for sure what this "getting it" really means, I do mean it has to involve some respect, and that's the part that many people seem to lack, I have no idea why though, I even have one such prick as a little brother, so that kinda stomps a bit on the "happy childhood" part.

and while I do have as, I doubt that respect is an as exclusive trait...

I always wondered if women in general had more empathy.

I don't think that it really has to do with having a happy childhood, but it's about the person's level of exposure to differences in people and the emotions that can come with it.

For example, I notice there will always be people who don't understand AS and people who seem to understand it more than others. The people who I notice are way more likely to understand it are those who have been exposed to people with developmental differences (not just AS/autism but things like ADD and developmental delays), those who have clear emotional issues and those who have troubles making friends (not due to them being on the spectrum).

Not sure if this is off-topic or now, but this post did get me thinking on how my mom doesn't "get" what it's like growing up without both parents in the picture, and usually makes a comment along the lines of ....."Well, a lot of people don't have both of their parents around".

On the other hand, people who have had very tough times in life don't get it either, as they often seem to think anyone who hasn't had it as tough as them is whining about nothing.

But I have a friend who had a nightmarish childhood and whenever I've been upset about something and apologised to her for "whining about nothing" she replies "it obviously isn't nothing, it's upsetting you, and most people would be upset by it too".

Not necessarily limited to childhood, but I think I agree with your point (if I understood it correctly).

It seems to me that some people have a charmed life - they have no real major problems. They tend to assume that all problems are minor, like theirs, or can be easily fixed. If you refer to unhappiness of difficulty, they assume you are talking about something minor. Like, doing badly at school or getting in an argument or something. If you explain your problems and how they are bigger than that, they have no comprehension, and may be weirded out or just not be able to take it in. I don't want to say all though - some will be able to open their minds. They won't truly understand if they've not been through anything remotely similar, but they recognise you've been through something really bad.

Of course autism and similar illnesses aren't the only "bad" thing that can happen. I think it's quite likely that experiencing one difficultly makes you more attuned and able to comprehend other, perhaps unrelated difficulties, though. So someone who had a difficult time for other reasons - maybe abuse or something, for example - may have a better understanding, because they know how bad depression can get, how overwhelming problems can be, how isolated a person can feel.

It's when people say things like "everyone has their own problems" or "even if someone's not had your problems, they know how you feel because everyone feels bad sometimes" that I get wound up. Some problems really are more bad than others!

Also you can have a happy childhood and have autism. That doesn't mean you won't struggle with autism and it won't be a problem. It may mean you're lucky enough to escape experiencing really bad times despite being autistic, and so perhaps lack that ability to instincitvely understand others who've had a tougher time.

And I'm sure there's the odd person who has a terrible time and still doesn't get other people's pain, for whatever reason. Experience is just one part of being able to understand and empathise - though I think it's a very big part for a lot of people.

While I do understand what you're saying, I as a rule don't like hearing anybody say that anyone "doesn't get it" mainly because sometimes the worst thing you can do to someone is tell them that--it's equivalent to telling them they are just an insensitive jerk who doesn't care, or at worst has no heart or soul (brace for inevitable ginger jokes; BTW I'm not a ginger...) And I think most of us have experienced that feeling.

I understand what OP means.

When someone (not necessarily a child) has lived a happy life, that person is not really capable of understanding how horrible life can be. They tend to take other people's traumatic experiences/mental problems lightly except that they know theoretically that they are supposed to be sympathetic towards typical victims of well-recognized horrible incidents. So, they might say you are just whinging about nothing, overreacting, being an attention seeker or being a drama queen when you are actually seriously suffering. I once made a mistake of saying something about my depression to a friend. Obviously that friend thought I was seeking sympathy. Now I don't think of such a person as a friend. People don't understand something until they experience the same or similar thing.

Those people taught to conservative ideas and to follow high standards in life (not only materially, but in every sense of the word, ideas, value of work, family, etc.) will tend to regard people's issues as minor problems and only them whining about nothing. This is due to them being blind to hardships of life, always seeing the 'what to do'-s instead of 'what one can not do'. I can't blame them, they are only this way. Such people can give you useful tips and ideas if you can overcome their assaults

I had a happy childhood. I was just as autistic and obsessive compulsive back then too (more so with the autistic, actually).

I "get it", and it's impossible for each person to know how another feels with the life they've lived, so you don't judge.