Regarded as Having a Fairly Normal Childhood?

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blue1skies
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14 Nov 2012, 9:30 pm

I was a very normal child. I was pretty quiet, shy to the point of an abnormality, but had a happy life. I had three best friends I spent all my time with and after school I would read at home. Very peaceful. I obtained excellent grades and many awards. I wasn't diagnosed with anything, unless you consider being labelled by the government as gifted is a diagnosis.
So, yes, my childhood was completely normal to me. Maybe not to other kids but I always felt content.



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14 Nov 2012, 10:17 pm

I was verry merry berry abnormal, but iParents thought that I was fine for being the way I was, just a weird child, no problem, and let her do what she wants, and we will also give in to her whims, cuz we are afraid of meltdowns.



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14 Nov 2012, 11:15 pm

I was not normal, but everyone, especially my parents, insisted I was and then would get upset at me for "acting up." I was confused a lot of the time. I was smart, got good grades, was very athletic, first place in everything, was even semi-popular at school but could never seem to get my mother's approval because my behavior was off.

Aside from un-normal, my childhood was the best. Confused or not, if I could stay below my mother's radar, I could do just about anything I pleased - and I did. She had 9 kids to monitor. I only had one mom to get around.


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Kaylos
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15 Nov 2012, 1:14 am

I totally relate. I thought I was normal, and it is really only in retrospect that I see how different I was and how my behavior led to the "bullying" I always had to deal with. (at least had to deal with until I punched a kid out in the middle of class in the 10th grade).



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15 Nov 2012, 3:48 am

blue1skies wrote:
I was a very normal child. I was pretty quiet, shy to the point of an abnormality, but had a happy life. I had three best friends I spent all my time with and after school I would read at home. Very peaceful. I obtained excellent grades and many awards. I wasn't diagnosed with anything, unless you consider being labelled by the government as gifted is a diagnosis.
So, yes, my childhood was completely normal to me. Maybe not to other kids but I always felt content.


So, out of interest, what kind of relationship did you have with your friends? What did you play at? Was that bit normal too?


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15 Nov 2012, 6:42 am

Partly. I had friends, and did well at school (very well) and had no developmental delays. The main problem was that I didn't speak- I had selective mutism. But this wasn't regarded as a big deal by my parents. It was just a speech problem. Then, when being assessed for the cause of my being mute, it was discovered that I had sensory issues and ritualistic behaviour. My parents must have known this, but they didn't see these things as problems until professionals were directly asking them.

This led to me being diagonsed young, but I had a happy childhood and it wasn't a big deal. The diasnoses available back then were different too I think - I don't think I was diagnosed with AS 'til later. Maybe my parents were in denial? But I got by ok so it's perhaps good they didn't see me as a problem. I think it's quite easy for things like this to go unseen until something triggers either ourselves or others to realise that actually we're not as ok as we assumed.



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15 Nov 2012, 7:09 am

Yes, my parents thought I was completely "normal" and perfect. I should add that I'm not sure I have AS but I'm very sure I have and have always had problems (at least Depression, Social Anxiety Disorder etc). I internalised all my problems and I never shared my thoughts and feelings with others (including my parents). I never told them I was bullied, I never told them I had social issues (though people said I was very shy and/or scared of people as a child) etc. That's probably why they don't believe I have AS (or anything else for that matter) nowadays.



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15 Nov 2012, 12:33 pm

Kaylos wrote:
I totally relate. I thought I was normal, and it is really only in retrospect that I see how different I was and how my behavior led to the "bullying" I always had to deal with. (at least had to deal with until I punched a kid out in the middle of class in the 10th grade).


I got physically bullied until 7th grade when I punched my then-current tormentor in the face, hard, ending all future thoughts of anyone bothering me. It might have seemed a no-brainer to most because I was the tallest kid at my school and very athletic, but I'm not a fighter. I was severely oppressed by several of my classmates.

Other kinds of abuse continue to this day but there is something to my mother's idea that if you ignore someone long enough, they'll stop. It's not foolproof, but good enough for me, I guess. I've gotten to the place where I'll actually tell someone if they want to deal with me, they'll have to stop being mean. That usually stops them in their tracks because most people don't realize what jerks they're being until I call them out - then they either hate me and avoid me, or try to change their behavior to prove me wrong. Either way, I win.


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Kaylos
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15 Nov 2012, 1:37 pm

unduki wrote:
Kaylos wrote:
I totally relate. I thought I was normal, and it is really only in retrospect that I see how different I was and how my behavior led to the "bullying" I always had to deal with. (at least had to deal with until I punched a kid out in the middle of class in the 10th grade).


I got physically bullied until 7th grade when I punched my then-current tormentor in the face, hard, ending all future thoughts of anyone bothering me. It might have seemed a no-brainer to most because I was the tallest kid at my school and very athletic, but I'm not a fighter. I was severely oppressed by several of my classmates.

Other kinds of abuse continue to this day but there is something to my mother's idea that if you ignore someone long enough, they'll stop. It's not foolproof, but good enough for me, I guess. I've gotten to the place where I'll actually tell someone if they want to deal with me, they'll have to stop being mean. That usually stops them in their tracks because most people don't realize what jerks they're being until I call them out - then they either hate me and avoid me, or try to change their behavior to prove me wrong. Either way, I win.


I don't think violence is necessarily the answer, but standing up for yourself is important. I tried the ignoring thing for a long time and it only encouraged my bullies. The other part is not letting them get you, which is easier said than done. I have learned to focus on people's behavior and address that without being judgmental, which sounds like what you are doing. Some people will still take it personally, but that is a reflection of them, not you.



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15 Nov 2012, 4:43 pm

Kaylos wrote:
The other part is not letting them get you, which is easier said than done.


I don't want to get too far from the OP but, no kidding. Don't EVER let them see you cry. For many bullies, that's the signal to pounce. This can be problematic in that when we learn to shutter our feelings for protection (and aspies seem to excel in this), we don't often get the needed release and subsequent sympathy that others seem to get with ease.

I'm gonna go eat worms, now.


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16 Nov 2012, 1:18 pm

I had a horrible childhood (my biological father was emotionally abusive), I went undiagnosed until I was in my late teens, and I was always seen as "gifted" and "weird" but never sent for testing. The only reason I was able to achieve as much as I have academically is because my mother always was an advocate for my different learning style, even though teachers and such had no idea what NVLD was when I was growing up. My mother could see my very obvious strengths and deficits, and she worked with me herself. I am an only child, too, so my mother didn't know HOW different I was until I went to school, but we both always knew I was different in some way. She and I had a very lonely existence throughout my childhood.


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16 Nov 2012, 2:06 pm

unduki wrote:

I don't want to get too far from the OP but, no kidding. Don't EVER let them see you cry. For many bullies, that's the signal to pounce. This can be problematic in that when we learn to shutter our feelings for protection (and aspies seem to excel in this), we don't often get the needed release and subsequent sympathy that others seem to get with ease.

I'm gonna go eat worms, now.


Oh don't bring back such horrible memories. I was always teased and taken advantage of, but the bullying started when I started crying uncontrollably back in grade 6. I was attacked mildly by four boys and while in the office, I just broke down. I lost my best (and only) friend due to a move, was in a new area and wasn't happy about being ripped from my "homeland" and was going to the hospital regularly as it was suspected I had leukemia so my world was crashing down and I couldn't help it.

That's probably why I have such a nasty temper and appear cold and heartless: I've learned to hide my emotions until I cannot hold them in anymore. Like I've said I don't talk much about my experiences because few people could possibly believe a tall, strong, imposing guy could have endured so much sadistic abuse. Basically you have to ignore the experts and violently lash out against a bully if you want to be left alone by bullies, even if it means getting arrested it's well worth it at that age sad to say. Otherwise, it will take you many, many years to get over the nightmares.



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16 Nov 2012, 6:31 pm

At house, I was a strange kid, with a tendency to behave if my fantasies were real and spending most of the time in my room daydreaming or reading.

However, in school I think I was a relatively regular kid, playing with the other children; only when I turn 10 y.o. and leave elementary school to junior high (and I was cut from all my childhood friends) is that I become a social outcast.