Breakdowns

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My son has had 3 or 4 total breakdowns at home where he is completely unconsolable for hours. At our PPT meeting last week his teacher told me that he's done this 2x in school. One was actually the day of our meeting and lasted from after lunch (about 11:30) until 2:30. She didn't call me. She didn't call the principal. She didn't call the nurse. She didn't call the school psychologist (whom I despise but may have gotten through to him). She did find the aide of a more severely autistic boy my son is friends with, but she was unable to help him. She just left him alone, upset, and unapproachable for that amount of time in the back of the class.

First I'm upset that she didn't call me even though our PPT was at 2:45 that day. Secondly, why didn't she find some professional help because obviously she can't handle it. Third, why did she never tell me about the breakdown the other time? Isn't that my right as a parent to know what happens to my child? When my son came home that day I didn't tell him I knew what happened. I asked about his day and according to him everything was "Fine".

Do any of you have total breakdowns where no one is able to get through to you and you just need to get out of it on your own? Is there something that might help you come around sooner? I'm not sure what to do. The autism specialist we're seeing is very concerned and is going to work on it with him. I would really appreciate any ideas. Thanks.

Oh, and the reason for his total breakdown was because another boy had drawn a picture of a Pokemon (one of my sons obsessions). The other boy said he could have it but then changed his mind at recess and said he couldn't have it. The teacher then said no one could have it and she took it away. The teacher told me that the reason for the first breakdown was because they were all writing a story about a snowman and my son lacks imagination and can't think of stories. She kept pushing him to try to think of something and after a while he got so frustrated he just lost it. I'm so mad that she kept pushing him. He just doesn't think that way.

I just wanted to be left alone to cry and self-sooth.I hated being comforted,guilted or to have a big deal made out of it after words.I just had to many "feelings" and needed to get it out of my system(think of it as a poisen that needs to be cryed out of your system)....then again,that just could be me.

Well, it depends on how he is left alone. If he is just ignored in a mean, cold way, that is no good. But if he is put in a place where he can't hurt humself, is told he can have privacy, but that if he needs someone, the teacher (or whoever) is there available, that is different. When my son is at that point I tell him I'll leave him alone, but if he needs me, I'm there.

When I am at meltdown level, yes, I need to be left alone, I usually just go to my room by myself.

What concerns me from your post is that it sounds like the teacher is triggering his meltdowns. Pushing him to write about snowmen when he is at the meltdown point is unacceptable.

Just off the top of my head - if the Creep was trying to become the Comforter, I wouldn't fall for that. It's the kind of thing an aspie would see right through it. And feel worse and worse. I would be thinking "Just go away!" Of course. It seems so reasonable to me.

I find that when I go crazy the worst thing you can do is ask me what is wrong, I hate having to explain myself or talk to anyone, but I still hate being alone...

I agree. The last person I want to be consoled by during a meltdown is the one who triggered it. Even their presence will only prolong it.

But she was right in not making a big deal out of it I think.

Autistic children dont have meltdowns because they want something they have them because they cant take the stress your putting them under anymore and need to vent and be left alone to calm down.

Making a big deal about it, calling in a bunch of people to hover around and talk (make noise) or worse yet try to talk to you only increases the stress and makes things worse.

While the teacher probably should have told you from our perspective there was really no reason to. If your not self harming a meltdown is normal its no big deal and theres nothing to talk about so why bring it up? Its like expecting the teacher to call you from school to tell you your child ate lunch or took a nap.

Theyre not pleasant for us but theyre not as bad as they seem and are usually quickly forgotten. You cant really expect the teacher to be perfect and never make mistakes. If hes only had 2 meltdowns that actually shows shes a pretty good teacher. School is the 9th level of hell for autistics.

these kind of things are what cause a lot of stress in my relationships...

i can't really seem to take "fighting" at a live-action pace or something and have to just let it be, go away/meltdown, and talk about it later at another time.

but it's hard to find someone who can appreciate that need and respect it... just like it's hard for me to respect that someone else has to deal with it RIGHT THEN... not that i can really help it in those moments. but it just seems like a vicious emotional tug-o-war...

Thank you everyone. I guess I didn't realize that what he needed most when he was "in breakdown mode" was to be left alone. I just hate to see him so upset and wish there was a way to make him feel better. He's usually so easy going with everything so when he is upset I just feel so bad for him. He's such a good kid and it breaks my heart. I really appreciate all of you sharing your experiences with them, too. Thanks.

I agree with these posts. Whenever I meltdown, I just want to be alone, and not be disturbed by ANYTHING. If there's a noise such as traffic or maybe something like the hum of a computer, it makes it harder (in the case of the computer) or even worse (in the case of the traffic). But if I'm interrupted by ANYONE in the slightest (whether it is someone showing sympathy to me or even just some talking outside the room) it makes it harder to bear. This sort of thing happens a lot with my Dad when I have an argument and need to get away. The last thing I need is the Cobra apologising for injecting me with the poison, in fact it makes me hate him even more during that moment (nice link to what krex said earlier). Certain people, such as my Mum, for example, are less provoking than that, probably because of the fact that I trust them and they care about me enough to comfort me. I also find that the last thing I want is pleasure and happieness (such as rainbows and the primary colours of typical classrooms for kids of your son's age), so someone talking in a kind, soothing voice isn't going to help one bit. However, soothing action (such as fingers running through your hair as my mum does, or solving the problem (to a smaller extent)) can be comforting somewhat.

On a related note, I've just drawn something from this to a possible solution as to why meltdowns occur. Earlier this night I was trying to watch the TV, but it was'nt loud enough, so I had to concentrate and, in other terms, strain my mind to try and pick out what was being said (and I was interested in it, which wasn't any help). However, as a side-effect, I seemed to be more sensitive to the talk around me, which was loud and enjoyable (the opposite of how I was starting to feel), and I started to fall into the Meltdown Zone, if you get what I mean. It's entirely possible that because your son finds it hard to relate to snowmen, this requires immense concentration, and in fact even contemplating can be a bit mind-boggling. As a result, due to the typical noiseyness of classrooms, this can trigger an offensive Meltdown (the offensive version is a Lockdown).

Wow. I couldn't have said it any better myself! Nobody knows the extent of my breakdowns, except my mom because she's the only person who has seen one. I just violently cry and stim on my own. That's why few people "get" my Asperger's and why people think that I'm fine and functioning.
-OddDuckNash99-

Unfortunately, due to increased stress levels in recent years, I have had more meltdowns and more severe meltdowns. They are often caused by people putting too much pressure on me to perform in some way and/or people stirring me up by saying the wrong thing.

In one of these states I can cry for about an hour or so at a time and nobody often cares as I am often on my own when it happens. If it happens around other people, I can be fairly easily calmed down from the worst of it but very vulnerable to flaring up again if somebody says the wrong thing.

Probably the meltdowns look worse than they really are.

They are also triggered off by too much noise and light and activity but I usually have to start out a bit tense first and then the tension escalates and is aggravated by the above.