The Question "How are you?"

Post Reply New Topic

Most NT's use it as a generic greeting and don't actually want to know the true answer. I however, am a firm believer in the philosophy of not asking a question that you don't really want to know the answer to. I try to practice this on a regular basis with my students. If I ask a question and get an honest answer, even if it is one that I didn't expect or particularly like, I still respect them for being honest and do not get offended. In my everyday life, I do occasionally use this expression (more out of habit), but still try to stick to the previously stated philosophy. If someone answers my "How's it going?" with a genuine answer, regardless of how well I know them, I do try to take the time to listen. After all, I did ask the question. As a NT I generally have two ways that I answer to this question. I say that "I am fine" and then return the question, if in fact I am doing fine or I say "I have been better", if I am anything other than fine. If they probe I will elaborate and if not I leave it at that.

To use the native dialect,"Fair to middlin'."

If you tell them you" feel like you have one foot in the grave and the other on a greased tuna" they look at you funny.

My ex used to say, "about as good as a goose with one foot nailed to a board."

I just say, "I'm well" or "I'm okay". I say that I'm okay if I am iffy, or not great. If I am doing REALLY bad, they don't need to ask, as I am likely in or near meltdown mode. I don't often get more prompting after either of those responses.

Depends on who is asking..if it's the general public i will say fine thanks..if it's something to do with my AS and it's a doc..then i spill the beans and tell the truth ...not that it does much good!

Lately I've taken to answering "How you doin," with "I'm doin," and and "how's it going?" with "It's going."

"Good"

Always the same response I give.

Its "yer alright?" around my way, in which I response back with a "sound ta and yer?" (Am great thanks and yourself?)

Now I usually respond with "good, how are you?". I stopped trying to give accurate answers several years ago as few were interested.

Reminds me of:

-"But surely I owe you an accurate answer!"

Usually I'll respond with "fine" or if I'm working on my sarcasm skills that day I'll respond with "marvelous".

The question that really throws me is: "How are you feeling?". Yikes - deer in the headlights moment. My wife used to ask me that question and the response from me would be along the lines: "Umm - dinner was good." She now knows not to ask me that question - but to be much more specific if she wants to understand what is going on with me...

I used to just say "fine" but have received some negative reactions from that. I think maybe my tone of voice gives it some kind of negative subtext that I don't intend.

Currently I understand that that question isn't a sincere one and is mostly just a greeting. So, I reply "Hi." To date the only person I have met who actually wants a complete answer to that question is my therapist.

If followup 'how are you doing' happens in response to my "Hi", I say "Oh, pretty good". I added the "oh" because that sounds more casual, as if I really did consider a legitimate answer to the question.

I know the "correct" answer is "fine thanks, you?" but often when taken by surprise I forget and answer truthfully which regularly means an answer of "I don't know".

My mood affects my answer
Mostly I just say the usual "Fine, how are you?" or "pretty good", but if I'm feeling particularly ornery I'll say something like this...
"How am I? Well, contrary to all of the negative factors that have been impressed upon me in the previous six to seven days, I feel rather energetic if not vigorous. How are you?