How to calm down after stressful situation / meltdown?

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Noah_Antrim_Lottick
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01 Jan 2013, 2:51 am

Another stressful situation happened tonight (Dec 31/Jan 1). Even here on the Net, where we can meet and be anonymous and not be ashamed, it is painful to talk about. (I got away safely, thank goodness.)

Talking with someone who understands me is good, but those people are not always available. When you have a difficult situation, what do you do (more than one thing is possible) IMMEDIATELY after to calm down? How long do you do this activity?

(I am referring to someplace like a restaurant, church, shopping, someplace where you do not have to be. I am not talking about work, school, etc. where you are required to be there.)

What do you do immediately after a stressful incident like this? Please do let me know. I would be most grateful for your suggestions.


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DJFester
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01 Jan 2013, 3:06 am

I will go find someplace where I can be alone, to let myself relax and calm down. The length of time this requires for me varies, depending on how upset / stressed I am, and on whether or not I have gone into a full blown meltdown. The more upset I am, the longer it takes. Having a pleasant distraction from the situation like my pets, music, a good movie or TV show to take my mind off things also seems to help.


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Murderface
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01 Jan 2013, 3:09 am

I try to think of things that are familier and not on what just happened. Music can sometimes make it worse and agitate me even more or calm me. Violent video game can help me get rid of the stress. Nothing like pulling the head off a CG foe to get rid of stress


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cozysweater
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01 Jan 2013, 3:15 am

It really depends on the situation. If it's a physical situation, I generally remind myself that I will be out and away in X number of minutes. For example if I'm having an anxiety attack in the grocery store I remind myself that I'll be out in the parking lot and loading my car in 10 minutes. Which is usually a reasonable amount of time to collect the shopping and pay. Although not always. In which case the internal chatter/patter is very valuable. You can talk yourself into tolerating quite a bit if you have a reasonably good handle on yourself.
For wedding receptions and the like, I tend to take little mini-breaks out in the fresh air and away from the rest of the wedding contingent (as though I were a smoker) and count down the amount of time.

For online interaction, remember that you can leave whenever you want. Your personal worth isn't tied up in winning the argument. Forget it. For real. It doesn't matter. These are people you will likely never meet. I don't like the show The Office because I think there's an undercurrent of meanness in the way the show portrays all the characters. So I don't watch it. Remember. You don't have to participate. So don't participate if it makes you feel bad.



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01 Jan 2013, 3:16 am

Ideally I'd smoke a bowl...but sometimes I just go to the bathroom or outside to get away from everyone so I can try and calm myself. I'd rather not verbally comfort or reason with myself in front of people or randomly sit there and try and breath calmly.



Noah_Antrim_Lottick
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01 Jan 2013, 4:51 am

It would be too late to edit my original post so I'll state it here: In this case it was just a "get off the property" (NOT from being drunk!). So I did.

And you all know how sudden and unpredictable these things can be. And how upsetting.

Please I hope more will respond. I do value your advice, every word of it. I promise I'll repay you by giving thoughtful advice when others ask a question.

Please keep it coming!


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cozysweater
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01 Jan 2013, 5:06 am

Possibly it would be more useful if you described the situation you were having trouble with?



Noah_Antrim_Lottick
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01 Jan 2013, 5:23 am

Quote:
Possibly it would be more useful if you described the situation you were having trouble with?


I apologize for feeling shame, but I'm not sure I want to say much.

(Also, remember that scene from "Back to School" with Rodney Dangerfield? His business class made "widgets", instead of "tape recorders", so students would think more broadly. By thinking broadly, someone could have just the right idea for cooling down, one that I never would have thought of!)


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cozysweater
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01 Jan 2013, 5:37 am

I didn't mean to make you feel ashamed. Truly, I just wanted you to expand the subject.



Noah_Antrim_Lottick
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01 Jan 2013, 6:33 am

You didn't make me feel ashamed, I already give myself plenty of shame.

Avoiding situations that cause problems reduces them, but does not eliminate them. They will still happen, and sometimes fast.

After I've gotten out of a situation, what do you recommend to calm down?

Maybe in a couple of days I'll expand more.


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01 Jan 2013, 6:46 am

I usually just walk away if I can.



LinnaeusCat
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02 Jan 2013, 10:23 pm

I have some good mp3s of tranquil nature sounds on my phone that I play through headphones as soon as I can get away from the situation.


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compiledkernel
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02 Jan 2013, 10:31 pm

Headphones
Relaxing Music -- Anything by a Windham HIll recording artist, Will Ackerman in particular.
Soemthing to ease the mind down -- A good book, whatever ipad game Im playing, etc.


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Chloe33
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10 Jan 2013, 9:23 pm

Noah_Antrim_Lottick wrote:
Another stressful situation happened tonight (Dec 31/Jan 1). Even here on the Net, where we can meet and be anonymous and not be ashamed, it is painful to talk about. (I got away safely, thank goodness.)

Talking with someone who understands me is good, but those people are not always available. When you have a difficult situation, what do you do (more than one thing is possible) IMMEDIATELY after to calm down? How long do you do this activity?

(I am referring to someplace like a restaurant, church, shopping, someplace where you do not have to be. I am not talking about work, school, etc. where you are required to be there.)

What do you do immediately after a stressful incident like this? Please do let me know. I would be most grateful for your suggestions.


If i have a meltdown by myself i will usually (depending on the severity of incident) scream, potentially swing at things and break them, hit myself in the head, until i break myself down to stimming in my bed.

My NT gf has become a big help since i met her 5 years ago. I don't hit myself anymore and don't break as many things. There had been times she had to physically restrain me years back.

One incident happened in a car at night, we were headed home and the [email protected] in a van in the left lane hit a deer. I flipped out so badly that my gf had to pull over the car, hold me inside the car for 15 mins, while i am hysterical screaming, crying and threatening profanities about the other driver in the van. The deer was able to get up and get away, yet it got hurt and seeing it traumatized me.

My NT gf does her hardest to keep me away from situations such as animals being hurt or even feline or canines who have been murdered by cars.

As for public places, i don't go to any that are really crowded. If we have to go to a Walmart i act as if i am panicked (i am) and just want to get what we need to and go. Public places or places with people i can always run outside away from them and that is what i would do if i had a really bad situation.

Sometimes i feel that talking about things is futile, as my NT has deal with it all by now and sometimes it just seems she doesn't care. She says she does yet i can't read her face or mind.
So i keep things to myself and sometimes try and distract myself with researching, art, riding my bike. It only works for so long.



TB_Samurai
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10 Jan 2013, 10:33 pm

I just close the door to my room so I can be alone. I can't calm down if other people are around and talking to me. I don't really do anything other than lay on the bed and pet my dogs.



Dreycrux
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10 Jan 2013, 10:42 pm

Luckily I experience the opposite of meltdowns I am a shutdown kind of autistic. You can usually not get any useful information out of me when I am stressed...my mom used to say it was like pulling teeth to get me to talk. I am a very gentle person to myself and to inanimate objects.