In shut down, what can help me during this time? :(

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I was thought to have aspergers at 16. I am currently in a shut down and have been pacing constantly from being overwhelmed and stressed from a traumatic experience I went through. I tend to pace all the time and can't stop and the noise from my kids overwhelms me more and them fighting, my dad has been helping me with the kids and I do have support
with them. I've been going in my kids closet area at night trying to get peace and quiet, turning the lights off in there, listening to music on headphones, crying and rocking, but nothing seems to be working. Can y'all recommend anything that may help me during this time? It's been a week so far and I still feel in overload. Any advice what I can do to get out of overload? Am I overloaded myself more by listening to music on headphones? And I've been getting really bad migraine headaches from the constant overload. Advice from other aspies that aren't going to judge and help during this time? Thank you.

Michelle

No one's going to judge you here on WP. Also, a good old fashioned walk in the sun does wonders for the spirit. And, like they say, this too shall pass.

Instead of music, earplugs or ear muffs. Block sound, don't overwhelm it.

Stim, stim, stim. Don't hold back at all at stimming.

As well as reducing light, change to more friendly lighting. For me cool LEDs are most friendly lighting. This is more for longer term not getting into this state again.

Build up a list of sensory input that is good for you - for me this includes things like petting cats and dogs. Write down what helps, collect items to carry with you. This will be associated to your stims. Use those. Little things will help.

Don't be afraid of getting help from others, don't be afraid of asking for help. Reduce the amount of pressure you have, reduce what you need to do. Too much you need to do is more overloading.

Regulate food, liquid, and sleep as much as you can, no matter how hard it is.

Treat it like you are physically ill.

Sleep usually helps me. Seems to clean out the brrrainzzz.

It sounds like on some level you are resisting the urge to pace. As that is one of your coping mechanisms, I agree with Tuttle, in that you should pace as much as you like. Don't resist that.

It is good that you have a place in the house that is safe from excess sensory input. Ear plugs and ear muffs (construction noise cancelling headphones) are excellent, i recommend them. I use both on a daily basis. In terms of lighting, I find dim, soft lighting to be even more helpful than pure darkness. A nightlight or even just a single candle can be good for this so long as the candle doesn't flicker too much.

Something you should keep in mind for the future is to try to identify when your stress level and sensory overload level is low but building. If you can identify it earlier on, before it builds to overwhelming anxiety, you can stop that build up and shut down before it happens. So when you get the feeling things are starting to build, immediately head to your safe place in the house (if possible) or any place where you can be alone and shut off the lights and allow yourself to calm down.

I also recommend a simple breathing exercise: breath in as much air as your lungs can hold, hold seven seconds, then slowly breath out. take two or three normal breaths, then repeat the breath in and hold for seven seconds twice more. The reason I mention this is that, for me, when I get overloaded, I breath improperly. Too shallow, much puts me into a hyperventilation state, which then makes me dizzy, when causes even more anxiety.

Lastly, if these episodes become uncontrollable, there are medications that can help you manage them better. A doctor trip may be in order.

Shutdown is difficult to get out of and I just had one a few days ago. When I am in shutdown, all I can do is to walk in circles and chain smoke (this is the only time I smoke!) My remedy is to have someone else redirect me. When I am obviously in shutdown, those close to me know to tell me something like, "put your jacket on, we're going out" or "sit down, we're going to play a game."

If you are alone, it is a LOT harder to break out of shutdown, because while in it we can't eat, sleep, sit, stand, talk, etc... but just force yourself to do something to shock and reboot your system, such as, in the midst of your pacing..... suddenly scream as loud as you can or run outside (especially when is it cold or raining) or strip all of your clkothes off, or go to the freezer and put an icecube to your forehead. All of those have tended to work for me at one time.

Have you tried going to an area where there are not many people. You could also try going into the garage if you have one.

Time away from the kids may be the only way to do it. Have your dad be a full parent over them until you are out of shut down mode and have been recharged. It won't make you a bad parent. Those that would think so would be the ones who expect you to be god and stay in a shut down mode and never get over it and not have your kids be properly taken care of. But yet if you do try and be a parent to them still and still doing a crappy job, they will still judge you. You can't win.

I was so overloaded this year from the stress, my parents had to come and take our son for awhile until things were better. I did get crap for that on another forum by aspies.

That sucks that people made nasty comments about you leaving your kids with someone else until you felt better and could take care of them properly. I think that's the only responsible thing to do in that situation....I think a lot of children get mistreated because moms don't just take time away from their kids (while making sure their kids are safe with someone else) when they're overwhelmed. Not very supportive for people on an aspie site. To the OP I think you should do this if you are still feeling really overwhelmed.

Also, to the OP I think you should try the ear plugs and if you sing with the earplugs in it'll cover up noise even more (though it might annoy people).

Have you experienced this before? If not you may well be suffering a nervous breakdown or psychotic break. Please speak to someone in real life about this.

Yes I have experienced this in the past and I didn't want hurtful comments. I'm fine now, my dad took the kids over to my moms house and was gone all day, I got a break from them all day and im fine now. I think mainly what I needed was constant quietness from them which I agree doesn't make you a bad mom at all. I'm fine now. That wasn't very nix for their hurtful comments neither, sometimes you gotta do what's best for the kids at the time and if that's someone else stepping in, so be it until you recover.

Who gave you hurtful comments?


Even NTs need a break from their kids too or they will eventually burn out or have a nervous breakdown. They say to have a break at least two times a month from your kids. But we probably need it more often.

Very true league girl, I must have misunderstood that guy shove my post the red and black picture I can't see his name on my phone. Sorry I do that sometimes. Thanks everyone for the great advice to me.

It is good to have help from family for support whether you are on the Spectrum or even NT. Everyone gets overwhelmed sometimes.
Isolating myself works for me, or if i can't do that i will ride my bike around while stimming. We don't live in an area with many people, so i am lucky in that.

Lately our house is in disarray since my NT has been working and redid the floors in the bedroom. So it just seems so crowded in here with little places for me to hide if i need to. Once we get it reorganized, i will make room in the other bedroom in case i need a "safe zone" for quiet time.