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How much self-esteem do you have?
Too low self-esteem; 43%  43%  [ 51 ]
Low self-sesteem, but not too much; 25%  25%  [ 29 ]
On avarage; 9%  9%  [ 11 ]
High self-esteem; 9%  9%  [ 11 ]
Too high self-esteem; 3%  3%  [ 3 ]
Depends/other; 11%  11%  [ 13 ]
Total votes : 118

Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

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Joined: 12 Dec 2012
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Posts: 73
Location: South Wales

02 Jan 2013, 9:04 pm

My self esteem fluxuates like mad

Kaze o ukete tatsu kewashii gake de wa
Jibun no yowasa bakari ga mieru ne


Joined: 26 Apr 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,899

02 Jan 2013, 9:59 pm

I really don't know. I think it's this:

AgentPalpatine wrote:
The social exclusion of those with AS alone makes any comparison of self-esteem to some sort of baseline pointless.


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Joined: 14 Aug 2012
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 300
Location: Little Rock, AR

03 Jan 2013, 12:17 am

I'm smarter than the average bear by one or two standard deviations, but I'm also an overweight college drop out who lives with my parents at age 25, so my ego is somewhat limited. I have cultural capital out the ass but my social and economic capital is rather limited, so I have a superiority complex in the intellectual realm and severely low self-esteem in most other areas.

KADI score: 114/130
Your Aspie score: 139 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 54 of 200
Conversion Disorder, General/Social Anxiety Disorder, Major Depression


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Joined: 28 Dec 2012
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 714

03 Jan 2013, 12:24 am

Before I can think about my self-esteem, I usually fall victim to the hurdle that is the question 'what self?' I do act like somebody with low self-esteem though, that much I can recognise.


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Joined: 18 May 2012
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Posts: 103

03 Jan 2013, 4:01 am

I picked "depends" because it fluxtuates a lot


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Joined: 3 Mar 2012
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Posts: 865

03 Jan 2013, 11:35 am

My self esteem is generally low-- low enough to drive me into depression but not low enough to severally disable me. I am often saddened by how horrid I perceive my singing voice to be, but this does not stop me from singing the Alma Mater at school events or trying out for solos in Advanced Choir. I often feel as though I am a failure in the social realm and that I am a burden on whoever is in my company, but that does not prevent me from attempting to socialize and make friends in spite of this. I have serious doubts in my ability to survive outside of the house, but I still applied to universities that are hours away from home.

In short, I am enough of a perfectionist to not trust in my own abilities but too much of a perfectionist to not seize every opportunity I can to prove my worth to others.


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Joined: 11 Nov 2012
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 811
Location: uk

03 Jan 2013, 11:52 am

Get your reading specs on.............I wrote about this in my book............

Transcending Self-esteem.

“Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on” – unknown.

“Self-esteem isn’t everything, it’s just that there is nothing without it” - Gloria Steinem – American Writer and activist
To esteem something means to have a high regard for it. To have high self-esteem means holding a high opinion of oneself. The root of the term comes from the word aestimate, which literally means ‘to put a value on” or to have regard for. Self-esteem is the purely evaluative element of the self-image. It is the estimation you place on yourself and also a relative assessment based on your perceptions of yourself relative to others. Self-esteem is just the way you think about yourself, do you think you are awesome,awful or somewhere in between.
The advantages of self-esteem are many. When someone has high self- esteem, they have a genuine, deep rooted sense of self; they actually like (and often love) themselves (in some cases too much!) they can and do control of their internal emotional state; and they have a sound sense of purpose, or rather they act and behave with purpose. Negative self-esteem and the beliefs it’s based on are at the root of virtually every emotional or behavioural problem.

Typical symptoms of low self-esteem include:

-Bad Body Language - not being comfortable in your skin, not taking up space, fidgeting, nervous habits etc.
-Poor eye contact
-Weakly projected quiet monotonous vocal tonality
-Always thinking the other person is better and suppressing their own (healthy) needs
-Taking value (by putting people down OR trying to win approval) = belief “you don't have enough value”.
-Being the "nice guy/door mat" and putting up with bad behaviour = belief “you need to do favours because you are not worthy”.
-Jumping through hoops
-Prone to depression and being withdrawn
-Not expressing your full personality
-Consistent and continual underachievement in their lives
...and so on…(read - all the worst “Aspie” traits)

On the other end of the spectrum, behaviours of people with a genuine, real, sincere high self-esteem usually display very different characteristics that speak for their level of self-esteem:

They have a quiet confidence that they are able to meet a lot of the challenges that come their way
They are decisive and not hesitant
They have powerful physically upright relaxed, calm and measured body language
They make good eye contact freely and comfortably
They do not fish for compliments – but they do accept them well: theyknow what they are worth.
They Love life, have a sense of humour and are overall happy people.
They may be quite humble - True warriors are humble.
Feel worthy of love and approval. They approve of themselves and are not desperate for other peoples approval.
They are willing to move out of their comfort zones to face the unknown and grow as a human being.

If you have low or absolute zero self-esteem you may automatically assume that the answer is to get high-self-esteem. This is one of the popular views on self-esteem. The theory goes that it’s good for people to feel good about themselves, irrespective of how well or badly they have actually performed. If they esteem themselves highly, they will automatically do better - but even if they don’t do better, they’ll at least feel happier.
This theory has been applied in recent years as an educational technique, the pathetic "self-esteem curriculum," devoted to convincing students who, objectively considered, perform poorly at some specific task, are encouraged to view themselves as outstandingly good, wonderful and special and information about their poor performance is downplayed. This however often leads to inaccurate un-objective feedback and often low motivation to address objectively bad performance.
High self-esteem often seems to involve an element of self-delusion. It may be comparatively harmless for some people to go through life under the delusion that they’re good at something when in fact they are not. However, if they derive all their self-esteem from this fantasy, they may be set up for a shattering disappointment if ever they decide or are forced to face reality.
It’s not true that people who feel good about themselves always perform better. It’s a cruel deception to convey the impression that success comes easily if you have a “positive” but deluded attitude. Performing well is in fact closely related to high frustration tolerance (include this in your self-image) — the ability to cope serenely with difficulties and setbacks. Outstanding accomplishments usually require immense dedication, continuous, painful investment of arduous effort over a long period of time and of course an element of inborn talent.
A multitude of therapists and gurus are quick to identify low self-esteem as the root cause of, failure to learn in school, child abuse, addiction, broken relationships and a host of other ills. Many theorists have supposed that violent criminals suffer from low self-esteem and can be rehabilitated by having their self-esteem raised. Yet the available evidence does not support the theory that attempts to raise people’s self-esteem necessarily produce substantial benefits, and some evidence suggests high self-esteem may have pathological consequences such as sociopathy and narcissism.
Evidence collected by three psychologists (Roy Baumeister, Joseph Boden, and Laura Smart) found that most violent people think very highly of themselves; their unrealistically high self-evaluations predispose them to be violent. According to American Educator, psychologist and researcher Roy Baumeister has "probably published more studies on self-esteem in the past 20 years that anybody else in the U.S. (or elsewhere)." As Baumeister has observed, many violent crimes result when an individual defends a swollen self-image against a perceived attack. "They’ll lash out to try to head off anything that might lower their self-esteem.”
Researchers at Case Western Reserve University and the University of Virginia conducted a comparison of evidence from a variety of studies concerning individuals involved with aggressive behaviour of all kinds: assault, homicide, rape, domestic violence, juvenile delinquency, political terror, prejudice, oppression, and genocide. In some studies, self-esteem was specifically measured; in others it was inferred. The authors concluded that "aggressive, violent, and hostile people consistently express favourable views of themselves." It’s therefore pointless to treat rapists, murderers, and muggers by convincing them that they are superior beings, for this is precisely what such self-satisfied psychopaths typically believe already.
Many people who engage in bullying place a great deal of undeserved value on themselves that has no real basis in reality. Their ego deludes their every interpretation favourably and they are constantly trying to maintain their sense of self-esteem by exploiting holes in the boundaries of others. ..........

Last edited by answeraspergers on 03 Jan 2013, 6:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.


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Joined: 23 Feb 2010
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Posts: 16,706
Location: Maidstone, UK

03 Jan 2013, 2:35 pm

I have NO self-esteem. I hate everything about myself. I don't have many friends, I never had any descent friends at school and I got called weird, and now I worry that I'm worthless and stupid, I worry that I'm on nobody's wavelength even if I think I am, and I find it so hard to change myself. I know I shouldn't let my childhood bother me too much because I should move on, but it still sometimes eats me up inside and I feel it's my fault that I will always struggle with making friends because I don't try hard enough or something.

I now believe that I look crazy and stupid because of the way people (especially young girls and older women) look at me as they pass. I make an effort with my appearance but I still believe that I am always doing something wrong, and all the compliments in the world (like ''maybe they look at you because you look nice'') don't make me feel any better. All of that destroys my self-esteem.

It just seems that people pick up on my complete lack of self-esteem, and just want to make me feel worse about myself. If people had that much empathy like all these Autism forums make them out to have, I would have thought people would want to do anything to help an unconfident-looking young person by giving them a nice smile, instead of a glare or a bitchy smirk, and if more people were more thoughtful then that would help me with my confidence and help me fit in more, which (I thought) was what people, yes even complete strangers, wanted. Just because I look unconfident, doesn't mean I am freaky and look unusual. Loads of people feel unconfident, thought grown adults would know that.

Thanks for damaging my self-esteem, all you f*****g c**** that have ever glared/laughed at me in public. Thanks a LOT.

Aged 29
On antidepressants
Diagnosed with AS, ADHD and anxiety disorder


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Joined: 24 Aug 2013
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 120

18 Nov 2013, 3:28 am

I have very low self-esteem due to years of bullying and humiliation from both students and so-called teachers at high school. I am still feeling the effects of what was basically years of mental and verbal abuse, as a result I have no confidence in myself or my abilities, I have no idea what I am really capable of, I am stuck in a dead-end job and I often wish I could run away from everything.


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Joined: 7 Apr 2013
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 24,994
Location: Middleburg Heights, OH

18 Nov 2013, 10:23 am

It depends. On my worst days, my self esteem tends to be lower than it should be because of how I chose to handle my stress, my weight problems, and how I mess up on things sometimes. But my self esteem tends to be high because I have a couple friends, a boyfriend, and some hobbies that I am good at, so I try to like myself for that.

Overall, I have to say my self esteem is average.

Black cat on duty

Sea Gull
Sea Gull

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Joined: 14 Nov 2013
Age: 25
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Posts: 224
Location: Yorkshire, England

18 Nov 2013, 10:50 am

Quite low. I'm often filled with self-doubt and am typically dubious of my own abilities. But there are time when I'll feel confident, being able to seize a particular opportunity in sight! I only wish I would feel like more often.


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Joined: 26 Mar 2011
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,112

18 Nov 2013, 11:07 am

Kairi96 wrote:
btbnnyr wrote:
I don't have low self-esteem. I don't think about others think, and others affect me little. I don't listen much to others or seek reassurance from others.

Pretty much the same here.

Similar in certain ways.

I seek company when I am lonely and I care when I am being bullied but otherwise I am pretty much oblivous to most people except those I like. For example I figure that just because they don't like chocolate cheesecake that doesn't mean to say I have to feel the same so what they think is good/nice/not nice etc is irrelevant to me. My opinion of chocolate cheesecake remains the same. If I enjoy it I enjoy it..other people not liking it wont change that and that applies to other things in life as well.

Now if they are coming round for dinner (something that never happens but oh well) and I am serving chocolate cheesecake for dessert then I need to know if they like it so that I can buy or make something else if they don't (I don't want unhappy guests and I like it when everyone gets what food like to eat as then every one is happy).

Otherwise I don't care what other people think about chocolate cheesecake, so to speak.

As for reassurance...I already know what I am good at, what I am not and don't need someone either encouraging or discouraging me. I know what I want to try and what I don't and if I really want to do something I will just go and do it.

I also do not need traditional emotional support when upset...not in the way it is usually given as I still fail to see how someone giving me a hug solves my problem? Unless the problem is a lack of hugs, in which case a hug would most helpful please.

What I need is a solution to the problem then my upset will go away by itself. No problem..nothing to be upset over.


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Joined: 17 Jun 2012
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 621

18 Nov 2013, 10:24 pm

Can you please link to a place that sells some of this. Might need to refill.


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Joined: 14 Jun 2009
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,167
Location: Sherbrooke, Québec, Canada

18 Nov 2013, 10:45 pm

It's quite low really. :(


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Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 89,113
Location: the island of defective toy santas

18 Nov 2013, 11:05 pm

we really have a wonderful forum here where we can mutually help each other's self-esteem. :idea: