Are you accused of making things "complicated"??

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Jayo
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21 Jan 2013, 9:32 pm

Yeah, the trouble is you try to rebut the accusation that "you're making things more complicated than they need to be" with something like "no I'm not, I'm actually making it simpler" OR "well I don't really see any other option" - you will be seen as obstinate or passive-aggressive. Or, more frequently (in my experience) just plain weird, and then it deteriorates into being ostracized, not invited to events or parties or meetings or whatever. But when I get that stinging rebuke, I figure there's little I can say at that point that will make the other person look fondly upon me; they've already made up their mind about me. Objectively speaking, I actually find it a very snotty and curt response; imagine if I told an NT who couldn't figure out a logic problem as quickly or efficiently as me, that their method was making things complicated, I'd be seen as some sort of arrogant a-hole, and end up getting myself just as ostracized as in the situation where I don't see the gist of a situation in 3 seconds or less. Total double standard!! ! :x



Tahitiii
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21 Jan 2013, 11:00 pm

Good thread, all around. Especially:

Jaden wrote:
I simply say "I can't help the way I handle a situation or interpret data anymore than you can, some might say you oversimplify things which makes you miss accurate facts about a situation", and usually they understand what I mean and realize it's just who I am.
Now, if I can just figure out how to say that in my natural language.



krampus
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21 Jan 2013, 11:06 pm

I create solutions to solve multiple problems at once which requires research and development. Most NT's would rather crank out one solution per problem.



tonmeister
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22 Jan 2013, 8:35 am

I get told this all the time. I also get told that I provide too many background details and waste time with unnecessary explanations.

Personally, I don't understand anything unless I get all of the background information. I want and need those details.



Mummy_of_Peanut
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22 Jan 2013, 9:10 am

I elongate things to simplify them, in my mind. For example, if I'm writing a letter of complaint and I'm concerned that the reader might not understand what I'm trying to say, I'll write 3 simple sentences (a paragraph's worth), to replace the sentence that I'm concerned about. So, the letter ends up being very easy to understand, but long and they might think I've been thinking too much and gone OTT.

I've found that people will say that they understand what you're talking about, without being given the full picture. But, the truth is that they don't actually understand at all, they just think they do, because they fill in the blanks with assumptions, which are often way off mark. So, to prevent any confusion, I give them the details that I would want, if I was the one being told the story.


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Zodai
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22 Jan 2013, 5:41 pm

Maybe they're talking about the vocabulary?

And I don't think this has ever happened to me, at least within recent memory.


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JWS
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23 Jan 2013, 2:05 am

My Mom accuses me of making things more complicated every time I try to simplify HER over- complicated jumbled thinking! :-(


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Jaden
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23 Jan 2013, 3:46 am

JWS wrote:
My Mom accuses me of making things more complicated every time I try to simplify HER over- complicated jumbled thinking! :-(


I feel your pain


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SouffleGirl
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23 Jan 2013, 4:13 am

I have been accused of doing so in emotional situations, but never outside of that. I notice many people here overanalyse and their definition of it does not seem to match mine. So instead I will say that I notice everything. I notice how something is and from that I can see how it works or the basic logic behind it because, to me, that is common sense. Whereas to anyone else, it is considered "reading too much into something." Not so, I see what I see and I immediately understand it because it's right there in front of me. Just because other people don't see doesn't mean it's not there.
Note that I only understand behavioural things this way, not factual things. Like, I can't look at an engine and understand immediately how it works. But I can look at the way a person dresses or how a person talks or how they gesture as they talk and understand a lot about them just from that.


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Phenom
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23 Jan 2013, 5:00 am

Most of the time, Especially by family members who just don't understand, which is the worst IMO. I get the "get to the point" a lot... Its drives me insane, because its like, If I don't say anything at all and just keep to myself (which I prefer), I get the I'm being rude yadda, yadda, yadda stuff. But if I speak, then I'm being too complicated..... What the hell do these people want?



LaPelirroja
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24 Nov 2013, 6:05 am

I've complicated things for myself all my life. Oddly enough, making things HARDER for myself is the easiest thing to do! I almost always assume that what I know could be wrong, or perhaps more complex than I know it to be.

This can be helpful in some ways. My major is Spanish, and when it comes to translation, it's almost impossible to know how one would say, for example, "You might as well" in Spanish, or other colloquial phrases, without researching it first. So for those in my position, it's not only useful to second-guess oneself, but necessary. Occasionally, the translation will be direct, but usually there are slight variations that can't be guessed.



Emylee
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24 Nov 2013, 6:54 am

I get this all the time from my partner and my boss.

It is so hurtful sometimes. I will be watching tv with my partner and he will pause it to make little comments. But if I participate beyond making simple blanket statements, or agreements, he will get furious with me and tell me I ruin everything. It breaks my heart a little more each time it happens. It's devastating to feel as if you can't voice your thoughts to your loved ones. And if you dare do so, you're the bad guy for picking everything apart.

This goes along with over analyzing. I also find myself in situations where someone will ask me a question, but they don't want an answer! If someone asks me something I give them an actual response. Apparently you're not always supposed to do that, even if the question isn't rhetorical.



gretchyn
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24 Nov 2013, 11:43 am

Phenom wrote:
Most of the time, Especially by family members who just don't understand, which is the worst IMO. I get the "get to the point" a lot... Its drives me insane, because its like, If I don't say anything at all and just keep to myself (which I prefer), I get the I'm being rude yadda, yadda, yadda stuff. But if I speak, then I'm being too complicated..... What the hell do these people want?


Ugh...The "You're being so rude" statement. My husband tells me this all the time, and to me it's completely out of the blue. Apparently I can't modulate my tone of voice (unless I'm reading out loud, because I have a reference and can see it!), and maybe I'm too blunt or something. I get so annoyed, because it was never my intent to be rude, and I don't think I'm being rude anyway. :roll:



Horokko
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24 Nov 2013, 12:03 pm

yup, "mountains out of mole hills." At times my brain will grab a hold of a thought and won't let go no matter how hard try to think of something else. Even if I do manage to change the topic, i can feel it there in my subconscious >.< and it nags me all day. When i do cave in and think about it, i'll think about it until my brain burns out and it no longer makes sense, then i feel kind of sad :/ It can be annoying.



Astera
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24 Nov 2013, 12:33 pm

Actually, I often accuse myself of complicating things. I know I'm constantly over-thinking and over-analyzing everything.



StuckWithin
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24 Nov 2013, 12:44 pm

Yes, but only in social situations - such as when I used to go to parties and began analyzing everything around me. I was unable to mindlessly enjoy the atmosphere; in fact at parties, I would get hyperanalytical to the point where I'd have to leave early to give my head a break.

I stopped going to parties at least five years ago.


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