BPD (and other diagnoses) and Aspergers?

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bleh12345
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06 Mar 2013, 7:37 am

Hello, everyone! My name is Cori, and I'm new here. Well, this topic is about my psychiatric disorders and something I have recently wondered; Could I have Aspergers? To start off, I suppose I should fill you in (I'll try to be somewhat brief). Also, I want to ask everyone here kindly if you could refrain from harsh judging, as I am feeling particularly sad today and I do not fit the general BPD stereotype of being completely cruel.


So, I grew up in an abusive childhood. It was actually very severe abuse, including sexual. My adoptive father displays symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and OCD. I've only talked to my real father once, but he is most likely Bipolar, and has a drug addiction. My Paternal Grandmother was Schizophrenic (Paranoid). Finally, my mother displays extreme Borderline Personality Disorder symptoms and OCD (all 9), with most of the females on her side also displaying severe symptoms along with extreme dependency problems.

As a result of this, I grew up with almost no support from anyone and have been to dozens of therapists, social workers, Psychiatrists, mental hospitals, RTFs, shelters, and group homes. I started seeing them at the age of 11, and my mother had an overwhelming need to make me even sicker so she could get attention. **I should add that none of the people I saw were any good, because they believed my mother was a poor, innocent victim and I was a devil child. Any attempt to actually explain my feelings was met with my mother taking over my therapy sessions for herself and calling me a liar.** For 2 years, my diagnoses were just Major Depression. However, as I switched Drs and places to live/get help, people started calling me an enigma, and diagnosing me with all sorts of things.

Throughout those years, a few diagnoses were inconsistently given to attempt to explain "weird" behavior, and those were Schizophrenia, Schizoaffective Disorder, and Dissociative Identity Disorder. The consistent ones, and the ones that I actually display symptoms of, have been the following: Major Depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, PTSD, OCD, and Bipolar. I was almost diagnosed with BPD, but stopped seeing that Psychiatrist because he was controlling and tried to put me on medicines I was allergic to, and even argued with me about if I was abused or not. But, nonetheless, I display almost all symptoms of it, and consistently for many years now.

Now, my issue is this: I have been displaying BPD symptoms since I was 12, when the abuse started to get really bad. I always knew I was different, and that something was just plain wrong. However, I've just begun to think that I also might have Aspergers, and I'm looking for opinions/advice from people who have both. Now, the issue is that I started displaying certain symptoms BEFORE BPD symptoms, as BPD typically starts in adolescence. So, I want to now explain a bit about why I think I have Aspergers.

Obviously, in my case, my BPD was probably caused by my extremely horrible and invalidating environment as a child in combination with a possible genetic factor, and the neglect started as early as 2 from what my Aunt has told me (and I remember it as young as 4). Even though I was neglected from a young age, my symptoms didn't start to get VERY bad until, like I said earlier, 12. The issue is I had issues FAR before that. My OCD started when I was 5, and so did my anxiety problems (although I didn't get panic attacks until I was 11). I never exactly "fit" in with other kids, and was always the "weird" one. I was very nice, but I had trouble understanding when other kids did/didn't want to play with me, and I had trouble following my mom's directions. I was ALWAYS clumsy (and still am), to a point where people thought of me by that trait. I was not only shy, but I did not know how to interact with people. I would often say inappropriate things to other people when I DID talk. I always talked a lot when I met someone, even to strangers, and didn't have mania back then. I would stare at people ALL the time, and just felt intimidated in any social situation. I'd also have these little outbursts when I was doing something and my mother would take me away from it. I even couldn't hold a pencil right, but I ended up adapting and I hold it differently from other people to this day. As I got a bit older, I noticed more things. My skin became more and more sensitive. Like, I cut out the tags in EVERYTHING, and certain fabrics make my skin crawl. My mother used to joke that I'm a vampire because the light feels like it literally burns sometimes. Repetitive noises throw me into fits, it sometimes hurts my ears, I can't explain it. My skin sometimes hurts so bad when my husband brushes it one or two times lightly. Also, certain food textures are so hard to chew and eat that I just spit it out or end up crying. I can't recognize different accents unless someone tells me. And even before my BPD symptoms, I used to rock myself back and forth to go to sleep or to calm down. I used to have to fall asleep in weird positions or lay down/stand oddly. I also used to bang my head off of the wall when I was REALLY mad. And some of the things that get me angry seem so different from other people with BPD, such as earlier, chicken frying in the pan threw me into a fit and was so distracting and I cut my finger with a knife on accident and I started crying because...well, I don't know why! And now that I'm older, I notice other things, like I HATE change. Like to the point that if one detail changes, I often won't go outside and I'll cry because I feel so overwhelmed. I also take things VERY literally, and have been known to not "get" things that other people get. I also can't tell when people have to talk in a conversation, and people end up thinking I'm narcissistic, when I'm totally not! I even talk to myself and just explain I say everything out loud. I've been OBSESSED with facts since I was little, often correcting people and making them angry. One of my favorite books was this nature book that had everything labelled with a detailed description, and I'd collect them. In fact, one of my OCD compulsions is list making, but sometimes the list making isn't a compulsion; It's weird. I also always want to be alone, but my BPD doesn't let me! I always CRAVE it, but all of the sudden my feelings decide I need to be around people, and then pull away from them, and then be around them again, etc. I CAN sense other people's emotions, and I'm in fact VERY empathetic (to a seriously extreme level), but I still find myself saying the weirdest things in social situations, and people just don't like me!

I drummed all of this up to just being weird, but now I'm thinking I might have Aspergers. I think I was looking up Schitzoaffective Disorder because I still felt like something was just wrong, you know? And that's when I found out Aspergers is a lot like that Disorder. I looked up common symptoms and I have a LOT of them, or seem to, anyways. And it's been that way for as long as I could remember, so that's why I thought it might be that instead of Schitzoaffective Disorder. For all of my life, even BEFORE I had my personality disorder, my family and everyone around me treated me like I was so weird, and punished me for it. I barely have any friends, even though I'm like hyper aware of my BPD symptoms and I take responsibility for my actions with other people. But all of the other issues just weren't explained. So, I'm wondering, do other people with BPD and Aspergers understand my symptoms at all? Or is this just really in my head and it's somehow my OCD or BPD? PS-I've never been tested for it, no one every mentioned it. Well, my mother actually mentioned she wanted to get me tested for some disorders, but she never mentioned what they were, and we never did it. Doctors had a knack for not letting me in the loop until I was like 18.

PS-I'm so sorry this is long, I tried to make it short, but it's hard...



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06 Mar 2013, 8:22 am

How old are you? If you are in your 20s, and saw all those mental health professionals, it is somewhat unlikely that they would have missed most forms of severe autism. But, if you are in your 50s, it becomes quite common for them to misdiagnose Aspergers.



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06 Mar 2013, 8:30 am

I'm 21, but to be completely honest, most of those people were NOT good professionals. If this makes sense, my mother was very abusive and for such a long time, they diagnosed me based off of what she said, and they never even asked me about my own feelings. I suspect she has severe BPD, and used all of my sessions as a way to tell them how bad of a child I was, and how horrible I make her life. I mean, they were so bad that I straight up told one of them about her physically beating me several times finally when I was 16, and they told me to stop fighting with my mother. My mother was like those stereotypical BPD you hear about, and extremely nasty. It completely makes sense, well, at least to me how they'd miss something. And there's also the fact that 3 Psychiatrists told me they don't know what's wrong with me. :s I didn't even get my OCD diagnosis until I was 16, and I was doing compulsions in front of therapists and psychiatrists since I started seeing them. And I was doing it 7 hours or more a day, too. But, is this usually something that is always caught? Could there be something else causing the problems that I had/still have?



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06 Mar 2013, 2:20 pm

I am 60 and your experiences are quite similar to mine, except I was held off the floor by my throat while it was explained I was NEVER to talk to any professional about home life or I would be killed.
My diagnosis did not include autism until I reached 53 years old. It is common to be missed.

My son is 28 and there is no doubt, but not in his treatments. Secondary effects from nurture rather nature dominate and until some of them are resolved quite a few therapists are at a loss.

Self diagnosis is step one, whether to accept the stigma of official recognition is a choice.
Good things can be had from a certificate.
It cannot be undone after.

The information you seek is in this site, even if not official, the traits you express are the traits this site is here for.


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07 Mar 2013, 6:35 am

I'm so sorry that happened to you. My parents were the opposite, they LOVED when I tried to tell, because they knew no one would do anything. Child Protective Services along with the authorities had a knack for taking away children in good homes, and acting like the ones in bad homes were just making it up. It's most likely because abusers are generally charming, so of course they will make it seem like they are perfect and you are just making it up.

Do you have any recommendations for some sort of therapy and/or support I could go to in person? The issue I'm having is I'm getting a new therapist, but I'm not sure how to work on my issues if I don't know what they fully are. I'm afraid it's going to turn out like before, how they expect me to just change something based off of some stereotype or expectation and it makes me worse. For example, I went to this program that implemented DBT. It made me suicidal, because it was an invalidating and narcissistic (counselors) environment where they tried to force everyone to conform and be grateful they are alive. In fact, there was a woman with Aspergers there, and I had to stick up for her several times because they would yell at her, even though she was obviously just trying to fit in with everyone and not being offensive. They also had us look at newspapers and find something tragic that happened (like a volcano killing people) and find something positive. So, the point was that not EVERYONE dying was supposed to cancel out the people that DID die. They also said we had to change our emotions to be positive, through THINKING positive. I also got the eye roll for suggestion not everyone needed to be on psychiatric medicine, as if I am just some naive young person who does not understand that everyone who is diagnosed with anything needs to always be on medicine. Finally, I was laughed at for suggesting that some ideas they are saying could be potentially hurtful to people there, or that not everyone may belong in that kind of program. For example, in order to make friends, we were all told that we had to fake being happy, because no body likes a "Debbie Downer". This was told in a depression group. So, to my point, I'm at a loss if I should join a therapeutic group, therapy, psychiatrist, just support forums, so on.



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07 Mar 2013, 9:51 am

It sounds like you have many of the AS traits to me, but obviously no one here can web diagnose you.

Also, do you have BPD (borderline personality disorder) or BD (bipolar disorder)? It might help readers to be clear on that, as those abbreviations get confusing since BPD could be either disorder.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_me ... iations:_B

Good luck with finding help!


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bleh12345
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07 Mar 2013, 12:15 pm

I know no one can diagnose me, but I suppose I was looking for someone who has both to explain their experience. I meant Borderline Personality Disorder. I know it is possible for women to be misdiagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder instead of Aspergers, and it might just be my PTSD that causes me to have intense emotion. After all, my mother tried to abandon me a lot because she is Borderline herself, so it makes sense that flashbacks of abandonment would cause me to freak out and it may only seem like I have it. And, being a woman, I'm not quite sure how Aspergers effects them. I also know that some people with Aspergers can be quite sensitive, too.

So, if anyone else, especially women, would like to share their experience, please do! Also, thank you for responding.



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07 Mar 2013, 4:10 pm

Hi,

I'm afraid I am neither young nor female, but I spent the best part of 20 years being labelled BPD and have only recently been given a new diagnosis of AS. I won't attempt to offer any kind of diagnosis -obviously - however, I can offer a few personal observations and experiences.

In my experience, there are some very great similarities in some of the manifestations of many different 'disorders' - don't like the term 'disorder' to be honest - which can be problematic. I too come from an abusive environment which was clearly brought about by/ or the cause of? my poor interpersonal skills (leading to naiive misplaced trust and ultimately betrayal). Just an observation, but Finkelhor described the aetiology of an abuser as having 4 stages:

1. Formulate the desire to abuse children.
2. Overcome the internal mental barriers that preclude 'normal' people from behaving that way.
3. Find an occupation, roll or pastime that provides access to children.
4. Do whatever it takes to keep it quiet and a secret.

The bottom line for me is that you simply cannot blame yourself as, given the above, it was their fault not yours. The only person you have to forgive is yourself.

I have experienced depression and mood swings for as long as I can remember only recently being told I was affected by Dysthamia - a long term feeling of low level sadness - which leads to a double dip depression when I have an episode. I too thought I was bipolar as opposed to BPD, but this hasn't turned out to be the case. My Aspie score is 145 of 200 and ASQ is 40 and I score very highly on aloofness, rigidity and pragmatism. I also scored highly on Schizoidal and Borderline personality issues but not enough to warrant the term 'disorder'; which basically means I don't really get on with people and prefer my own company. Don't think I'll be in the minority on this forum or indeed wider society!! !

My new psychotherapist stated that it is quite easy to misunderstand and misdiagnose peoples behaviour as they often overlap and many of the tick box maladptive schema tests do not really provide sufficient context. In her, and my opinion, this can only really be done when you work long term as an individual and you can express yourself in a safe environment. I was given my BPD dianosis after after one session which lasted for 50 minutes, and being 'disruptive' within an organisation with clearly defined rank structure; my 'crime' was to ask "why?" an awful lot and to regularly offer up better solutions and suggestions to incidents/circumstances than my bosses. (In other words, archetypal Aspie behaviour!) There was never any malice in my actions, I genuinely meant well by my observations, but they were rarely taken that way. This disparity between intent and interpretation was the root cause of the problems. After I was given the BPD diagnosis, I stated that I didn't accept it and he replied, "Well you would say that" as people affected by BPD are often seen as difficult and challenging - a fair few Aspie's will have probably been told the same thing!

BPD can be a bleak diagnosis, well to me anyway, and most of the statistics in the UK are terrifying - high rates of involunaty sectioning and suicide. However you mention a few characteristics that we have in common - labels in clothes (have to cut out straight away) flashback and PTSD. I was struck by the part of your post where you said you felt compelled to stand up for the other person in the group - regardless of her label - as this isn't particularly typical behaviour for somebody with BPD as I understand it - as I said, I'm no expert, but I have been researching it for a long time, and I have just been on the receiving end of the Mental Health Service for a long long time.

I have also been sent to see 'quacks' and awful counsellors, but I have also been very lucky to work with some excellent, thoughtful, insightful and understanding professionals who have helped me accept my real self and not the false self I put on to survive/deal with everyday life and al its challenges. Can I respectfully suggest you try again to find another psychotherapist who specialises in 'personality issues' who can allow you to talk through your past experiences and to try to seperate them out. There are often a number of seperate threads to peoples 'troubles' and splitting (no psychological pun intended) them up can help achieve a greater degree of balance.

Obviously I don't know your circumstances or location and accept that this might be financially prohibitive, but I would urge you keep doing your research and take advantage of any opportunity you may get to find the answers you are looking for. I hope you can find some peace and acceptance, but know you are not alone.

Take care of yourself.



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07 Mar 2013, 6:34 pm

If you do have Aspergers, you may skills or talents that normal folks do not have. For instance, I am cross dominant--which means that I can actually handle tasks like writing with either hand. It can be quite a surprise to realize that stuff you take for granted is actually quite hard for normal people to do.



ES
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21 Jul 2013, 2:16 am

Hello, CeeCee!
I've just found your topic , and I want to tell you something very positive.
First of all- English is not my mother tongue, nor is my first foreign language, actually is third or forth, I do not remember. So, please, forgive my mistakes.
2- you are not alone in this situation, your story sounds very familiar to me. I am female, and I am 56. I was dxBPD, not officially, as in my country(Russia) 30 years ago it was not possible to get adequate psychiatric help. So, a very close family member who is clinical psycologist told me I have BPD.
3.Just like you I have red something about AS, I have done all tests, I joined russian Aspie community, they asked me many questions, and now I am pretty sure it is AS, not BPD. So, I am self diagnosed. And I am going to meet the support group, to talk about it personnaly. In my country it is not possible to get the official AS diagnosis for adult people.
4- Now, a good news- you should live and be happy, and you will. I have been in yours situation at 20-25. Then I told to myself that I had to mimic other people, to act like them. I wouldnt say it was a great succes, till now sometimes I can say somethig inappropriate, do somethig wrong. But now it is much better.
5.- What helped me- I have red some books like "How to became happy, smart, beautiful and reach in 3 days", well, it is a joke, but you understand what kind of books I've red. And in one book about NLP I have found something about mirroring- when you speak to somebody you just copy him. It is not very easy, but it works. If you are not able to look into his eyes, look at his mouth. I still do not manage it completely, but it is much better.
6. And now the most diffucult - relations with men. I was not good at it, on the contrary, I acted very badly. I have been married twice by this time, and all my marriages ended by divorces. And I did not understand what I was doing wrong. Well, there is an American book -"the rules book", to my mind very manipulative one, first I told to myself I will never do like those rules say, but I decided to try. And I found out that it helped me a lot. It helped me in the way not to go very fast and very close, not only with men, but with everybody.
7. And last- please, dont use drugs or alcohol, they will worsen the condition. In social situations just say: I do not drink, it is my only vice , all the rest are my values, and people will not insist any more.



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21 Jul 2013, 10:46 am

I may be able to add a couple of useful observations here, since I have AS, and a woman I knew years back had BPD. There are several distinguishing features between the two.

1. Sensory issues are commonly found in AS/ASD and not a part of BPD, at least officially. I watched my BPD friend and several similar people wear clothing that I could not even touch comfortably, work furiously in the kitchen with blenders and mixers, the noise of which make me nauseous.

2. Hyperfocused interests, to the extent of, in my case, rewatching dozes of times all of my favorite scifi, and memorizing large portions of it. These interests tend to be very stable over time, not just a flurry of passion for a subject that lasts a few weeks or months.

3. Difficulties in the social domain, not explained by experiences such as child abuse/neglect or other exogenous factors. People with an ASD typically struggle as adults with what comes naturally to most children. By contrast, people with BPD tend to be normal in terms of understanding an interacting with others with the caveat that they may have a comorbid anxiety disorder.

4. Fear of abandonment. This is the core feature of BPD, and motivates much of the behavior of a person with BPD. By contrast, people with an ASD do not have this, at least at the intensity of someone with BPD. People with BPD tend to have a history of short-lived unstable relationships in the personal and professional realm, something not often seen in people with an ASD.

5, Impulsiveness. People with BPD tend to be very impulsive, exploding into rages or tears, making major decisions instantly, reversing their opinion of family, friends, coworkers, or simply engaging in risky behavior. This is not a feature of an ASD.

Depending which professional you ask, a personality disorder and an ASD are mutually exclusive: you can't have both. I'm not necessarily endorsing this view, and I don't know if the current thinking has changed. But since a personality disorder is viewed as a pervasive pattern of thinking and behavior starting in adolescence or earlier, and an ASD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, the two would seem to be mutually exclusive, at least by this definition (which itself may change).

Regardless, labeling your issues as BPD or ASD is not as important as figuring out how to move forward in your life. There's lots of help and support to be had, though finding good people requires patience and perseverance.



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21 Jul 2013, 2:33 pm

IMO, i think it's very possible you are on the spectrum.
You bring up excellent potential questions and debate with the mention of SchitzoAffective Disorder.
Schitzophrenia and Autism show similar brain scans.

At point, i had been diagnosed with SchitzoAffective when i was a lot younger.
My diagnosis has changed over the decades years.

I grew up with a parent on the BPD range and sometimes i think my Autism saved me from being BPD yet i don't know...

Currently it has stayed Bi-polar, HFA, ADHD

Another thing randomly, the Rorschach Ink blot tests show the same for Autism as Schizophrenia...



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21 Jul 2013, 2:35 pm

Chloe33 wrote:
IMO, i think it's very possible you are on the spectrum.
You bring up excellent potential questions and debate with the mention of SchitzoAffective Disorder.
Schitzophrenia and Autism show similar brain scans.

At point, i had been diagnosed with SchitzoAffective when i was a lot younger.
My diagnosis has changed over the decades years.

I grew up with a parent on the BPD range and sometimes i think my Autism saved me from being BPD yet i don't know...

Currently it has stayed Bi-polar, HFA, ADHD

Another thing randomly, the Rorschach Ink blot tests show the same for Autism as Schizophrenia...


I should up as PTSD and ASPD on the Rorschach. I think it's BS.



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21 Jul 2013, 3:00 pm

There another forum that mentions comorbidity of having both BPD and Aspergers:

http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/inde ... 1363.0;all

There has been also a lot of discrepancy on the web about misdiagnosis of BPD and ASD
You can google "BPD misdiagnosis Aspergers" and a lot will come up.

http://bpd.about.com/b/2010/10/07/borde ... gnosis.htm

"Many people with BPD have stories of misdiagnosis, but how often does it really happen? Unfortunately, there is very little research to draw from, but at least one study suggests that BPD does get misdiagnosed at fairly high rates. A study by researchers at the University of North Texas and Brown University found that nearly 40% of people with BPD in the study sample had previously received a misdiagnosis of bipolar disorder.

There have also been reports of people with BPD being misdiagnosed with psychotic disorders and Asperger's disorder (a type of developmental disorder on the autism spectrum), although there is no research exploring cases of this nature."



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09 Aug 2013, 10:12 am

Wow! First I want to thank all of the newish replies. I've been extremely busy with work and introverted, so I haven't had the chance to sign on the past few months. Anyways...

ES-Thank you for your reply. It must have been hard having BPD when you are in Russia. There are many problems with identifying and treating any sort of emotional problem over there. I have done drugs in the past, so I know what you mean. I try to avoid anything like that now. Your suggestions for books is good; Reading self help books can help you sometimes. I am currently trying to mimic people. It's hard, because I sound so awkward doing it. But I think with practice, it may get a little better. I never practice it even though I've been doing it forever. Luckily for me, I already have a husband, and he oddly also displays symptoms of both BPD and Aspergers LOL. But our relationship can still be hard because we are both so awkward with it. I am hopeful that maybe when I'm older, things will be better for me. Thanks for your response. :]

Aoi-You have a very interesting response. Before I go into the details of it, I wanted to point out that since the Autism spectrum is a neurodevelopmental disorder, and a lot of people with BPD get it because of severe abuse over a period of time, I'm not getting how people think one cannot develop this. That's the issue-It's usually developed, over a period of time. Of course, there is probably a genetic component, too. However, a person with autism subjected to a severe level of abuse from a Borderline parent would end up with major emotional problems. And since people with Aspergers tend to mimic behaviors because they cannot understand it, and Borderline parents can treat you like an extension of themselves and thus only allow their personality traits to be imprinted upon you, it makes sense how an Aspie could develop the personality disorder. When you are subjected to the kind of terror certain BPD parents bring to the table, I'm not seeing how anyone can't develop some level of abandonment issues along with PTSD and certain kinds of thinking (black and white).

All of that being said, I wanted to address the specific points you made. And keep in mind, my mother is borderline herself. However, I am, and have always been introverted. I am not the kind of stereotypical borderline you hear about (they are all different, anyways).

1. The sensory issues I know of. That was my first mystery I couldn't really put together. I've had sensory issues since I was little. My mother seemed to never even understand it. She just called me "picky". It's gotten better over time, but the noises are something that I still have constant trouble with. Especially loud, high pitched, sudden noises. I still have freakouts in extremely noisy public places, but no one seems to understand it except me.

2. The hyper focused interests I had when I was younger, and they were concentrated in various sciences (biology, botany, entomology). Over the years, I now have bad memory problems either due to head injuries or dissociation. However, for the past 3 years, I've had a very intense interest in economics. I often spend hours looking at data, graphs, and various information.

3. I've had social problems since I was very, very little. This was before the abuse was very bad. As I got older, I've developed even more social problems due to abuse and my mother not letting me learn to be social. However, even when I tried to be social in my teens and beyond, I could never figure it out. It feels like some sort of game that I just suck at. And what if you are on the spectrum and were abused? Does that automatically mean you don't get the diagnosis because some social issues can be explained by abuse?

4. I have an intense fear of abandonment. The thing is, I hadmost of the symptoms of BPD, intensely, for years. They started when I was about 12 and got worse. However, with the level of abuse I suffered, I'm not surprised. My sister has a lot of similar problems, but no BPD traits (but her abuse is different). However, a lot of people with BPD I know are able to be charming (almost like a sociopath), and it's always confused me. I'm able to fake being professional in a work environment, but that's because I only copy what I've seen other people do.

5. I have black and white thinking and impulsiveness. But again, I'm not quite sure why having that would mean I couldn't have ASD. These are learned behaviors that took years to develop. I have had problems with unstable relationships my whole life. Part of the problem is I attract people like my abusive parents. The friendships that have somewhat lasted thought are on and off. It's mostly me ending up being introverted for a few months, and then coming back. But other than that, I've managed to make a few stable relationships, as long as they aren't like my family members. But as far as Aspies not having unstable relationships, I'd say that depends on if they were able to function socially at all.

Borderlines also have other problems, like, say, dissociation. I dissociate all of the time. But again, my mother was borderline. If you live with a borderline for a long time, you will not come out unscathed. However, since I've mostly cut contact with my mother for a few years, the BPD traits have toned down. I have intense feelings, and extreme empathy. I literally feel other people's feelings all of the time. Being suicidal and having extreme depressions are common with me. I feel like I have no identity, and commonly feel empty and bored. At the same time, I've had my social problems way before I started developing BPD traits. I'm not sure how to explain that. And apparently, nether are psychiatrists.

The problem I've had is I've been misdiagnosed or told that no one knows what's wrong with me. I feel like a diagnosis will finally put me in the right spot so I can get help. After all, you don't treat every diagnosis the same, and therapists often feel frustrated with me because I make no progress. I feel like I need a proper diagnosis to actually make more progress. Until then, I feel like I am completely alone.

Chloe-Hello! I know what you mean about the Schizophrenia. I had a coworker who was misdiagnosed, and the whole time, he was on the spectrum. I think when researchers learn more about certain problems, they realize a lot of similarities between some of them.

I grew up with a mother having BPD. However, those traits aside, I'm nothing like her! And although a lot of people with BPD have a lot of empathy, they might not know how to express it. I've always been hyper aware of my problems and displayed a higher than average (or so it seems) amount of empathy. But then again, I'm low functioning in many areas. High functioning BPD's are the ones that seem to be more....cruel? and unempathetic.

I've actually never did the blot tests. You'd think after all of the confusion, they'd do it, hah. That's interesting. I wonder if Schizophrenia and Autism are more closely related than some people think...

As far as your thinks, thanks! I think too many people stereotype BPD as being this logical cold person. I know people on the spectrum with all sorts of emotions, and they all display them differently. Sometimes, lashing out can even just be sensory overload. It's a shame there isn't more research in this area yet.

Tyri0n-You got misdiagnosed, huh?



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09 Aug 2013, 10:25 am

I feel a need to elaborate on the empathy thing, though. I have an extreme amount of empathy when it comes to deep emotions, especially emotional pain. However, I can't for the life of me understand when someone gets bored with me. I typically talk about something, and my husband can apparently tell someone is annoyed with me, but I don't get it. Because people keep looking like they are listening, or not telling me to stop, so I think they like me. Again, I feel like being social is just some sort of game that I don't get. I really don't understand why people can't be upfront about it. Sure, it would make me upset, but then I'd only be upset because I feel disappointed I thought someone was interested in what I had to say.