What are the social skills needed for university?

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raptor16
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10 Mar 2013, 5:32 pm

In high school, teachers are always saying I'm doing this to prepare you for university. Are social skills really necessary to do well in university? How much group work should I expect in uni for say engineering or science? I don't talk to strangers or random people so my skills are quite 'rough around the edges,' but I don`t plan to work on them. Is this a disadvantage, do I need to start practicing and getting use to communicating to people?



matt
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10 Mar 2013, 6:19 pm

First, other people will make assumptions that you know things that you may not.

I remember that when I was in high school that the school produced a spreadsheet of recommended classes to take, so I never tried to take more advanced classes than what was on the spreadsheet. When I got to university, I found out that I would have to take classes that were considered remedial to "catch up". I would have likely been capable of doing the more advanced work in high school, but I followed the recommendations and that caused problems for me. Make the assumption that there are questions you don't know the answers to, but that you also don't know enough to ask about. If there are advisors, tell them about your particular issues and ask them as many questions as you can, and then when you're done asking questions, refer back to your issues, and say "I've asked a lot of questions, but because of my issues there may be some questions that I didn't think to ask. Are there any topics that you think may be considered common knowledge that I didn't talk about? And if so, what are they? I want to make very sure that I don't miss anything." Also, read educational resources made for people who are just starting college, and ask other students about common difficulties.

Second, find out what a "normal load" of classes is, and take that, instead of just taking enough to be considered "full time".

When I got to university, I followed the recommendations of the student advisor whom I was required to meet with. They recommended taking 12 credit hours during the first semester. They didn't get me the financial aid money until October, so I couldn't buy books until that time, so I had to drop a class, and was no longer considered full time, and lost eligibility for the state's sponsored scholarship that covers anyone who attends full-time and maintains a cumulative 2.5 GPA. At the time I did not know that on average students take 15-16 credit hours per semester. I was really depressed and left that school.

Third, at the end of a course, if you have done well in a course, ask the professor if you can use them as a job reference and add them as a connection on linkedin.com.

Do the same for other students if you believe that they believe that you are good at the subject. I didn't know that people asked each other for references or tried to create connections with other people. Networks are basically where you know someone who might have information about a job or know someone who knows someone who might have information about a job. They can recommend you, or you can list them on your résumé/CV, so that potential employers can contact them and get confirmation that you are qualified in your field. I had almost completed school before I learned this one thing, and it's very important. I did very well in the second higher education school I attended, but when I was asked to provide references, I had no one who would affirm that I knew the subjects. I had even had one teacher redefine an assignment based on the way that I had done it. He said that the way that I had approached the assignment was so different and so much better than the way anyone else had done the assignment that he was going to change the assignment and have everyone in the future do it like I had. But I never asked him for a reference because I didn't understand the concept of social business networking.



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10 Mar 2013, 6:30 pm

Fourth, Cultivate a "Thick Skin". You will be confronted with the best and the worst of humanity at uni, and most of them will not know - or even care to know - what ASDs are, and how it is to have an ASD.

I went through uni before Asperger's Syndrome was recognized in any DSM. I never fit in, except with the crowd who played table-top military simulations (pre-AD&D), and they were the only people who treated me reasonably well. The drama crowd was okay, as long as I stayed in the stage / lighting crew. I stayed away from the jocks and the cheerleaders, but some of the art and psychology students weren't too bad.

Dorm life was better than living off-campus, until I got my own place - which is when my popularity took a sudden upturn. Suddenly, everybody wanted to come over to party, make out, and crash out.

It's nice to have friends, but don't expect too much from them, and don't let them take advantage of you.


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redrobin62
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10 Mar 2013, 6:34 pm

<--- Went to university but was practically isolated and invisible, leading to serious bouts of alcoholism and suicidal ideations.



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10 Mar 2013, 7:35 pm

I also went to college without any knowledge of Aspergers.

I stayed in the Freshman dorm all 4 years--which, in retrospect, worked out quite well.
Got to meet new people every year and improve my social skills--which, if you didn't count dating, were actually pretty decent by the time I graduated.



shyengineer
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10 Mar 2013, 8:36 pm

Social skills are not necessary to do well at university, but they are necessary to get a job. You do need to take this time to learn how to do this stuff. Some of it will be required, like group work and presentations, and some of it is for your professional benefit, such as networking. The good thing is that it's centered around whatever topic you are studying so you will have plenty to talk about.

I studied mechanical engineering (in NZ) and there is quite a bit of group work (~3 times per year) and a few presentations (~1 per year). The groups are small, usually 3 people and it's mostly for design projects. I hated the presentations but enjoyed design projects - I often led the team because it's engineering focused so my 'social' skills aren't as important.

Aside from the course itself, find out about all the services that are available. At my uni there were note-takers if you needed them for any reason (can't attend class, can't listen and write etc.) and provisions for sitting exams alone. Don't stress about doing it in the 'normal' time-frame. If it takes you an extra year then so what. I don't know anyone who has had trouble getting a job because they took longer to do their degree.

From a purely social aspect, try living with other people in a dorm or flat. Unless you completely shut everyone out, you will make friends. When you live with people, you will realise that everyone is a bit odd and most people are cool with it. Try say yes when you'd normally say no and see what happens. There are also clubs at uni for lots of things so you can try those out to.

It's always good to improve your social skills so there is no harm in practicing now. Remember that everyone is in the same boat when university starts - it is awkward at first but everyone feels the same way!



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11 Mar 2013, 9:15 am

I also had a great time meeting people in clubs--where I went everyone would socialize for the first few weeks and then disappear as studies got more involved.



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11 Mar 2013, 4:39 pm

If you intend to go to grad school you'll need letters of reccomendation from 3-4 'profs, which means that getting yourself noticed can help.

...OTOH, I didn't do that very well and got letters good enough to get into an ok grad school (didn't go, though).



Heidi80
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12 Mar 2013, 9:19 am

Well, most aspies tend to go study something related to their special interest. So you're studying with people who are interested in the same things that you are, which actually makes socializing easier. I didn't have any friends until I went to university, but I immediately found friends there. My social skills went up a lot during my first years of university.



Ettina
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12 Mar 2013, 10:11 am

In my experience, about the only social skill you absolutely need is the ability to take criticism without freaking out, and the ability to follow directions. Classes that require any group work are rare, especially in the sciences, and the only people you need to interact with are professors and administration types.

Oh, and high school teachers have no clue what university is like. Either that, or they're liars. They regularly claim you need all sorts of skills in university that are completely unnecessary for at least some majors, if not all of them. For example, one teacher I knew insisted that doing math in your head was required, when in fact calculators are required material for every university math course and university profs never refuse to let their students use calculators. (My Dad was a math major, and got so used to taking a calculator to exams that he even took it to an English exam as a 'security blanket'.)

Now, if you want to make friends in university, it requires the same kinds of skills as making friends anywhere else. Although personally I find it easier to befriend university classmates, because a) they are passionate about the same subjects as you, and b) you have a built-in reason to see each other without organizing get-togethers.

In employment, from what I hear, you do need reasonably good social skills. Giving an interview, working with coworkers, getting along with your boss, etc.



WrongWay
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12 Mar 2013, 11:57 am

From my experience, not that many social skills are needed to get through university (you don't need much of them if you just want to study and get your degree), though they can enhance your experience. It also depends on which university and whether you live by yourself or with others.

The ways having social skills can help is pretty similar to why they're useful in school. You may want to make friends at uni, get on well with your professors, be involved in societies, be able to work in groups (depends on the course you're taking).


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12 Mar 2013, 4:22 pm

I don't have very many good social skills, but I made it through my undergrad, and am now a Masters student. I love university. I don't have many friends, and I have social and sensory limitations, but none have hindered my academic progress.


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