Dealing With Doctors Who Assume Wrong About Quirky People

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OregonBecky
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20 Mar 2013, 1:40 pm

I rarely go to the doctor. Last time I was there for a question about not having enough oxygen during sleep, he asked me if I'd like to see a shrink. I'm not delusional, just have a quirky temperament but what good does it do to tell a doctor, I'm not crazy? It's further proof that you ARE crazy! Since then, I don't know what to say to doctors to get respect.
In the meantime, while dismissing the reason for my visit, they start obsessing about cholesterol and mammograms during the visit. It's like if you call the police at 2am because of a suspected prowlers but, rather than address your complaint, the police ask you about your driving habits.


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redrobin62
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20 Mar 2013, 2:31 pm

Anoxia during sleep is serious business. They conduct sleep studies to find that out. Some people actually can't sleep unless they have a BiPAP or CPAP machine in place. We've had one or two of those in the nursing home I was working in. If your MD thinks you're delusional, then by all means, sign up for a sleep study somewhere. At the very least they'd let you know if you're suffering from anoxia during sleep.



OregonBecky
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20 Mar 2013, 3:47 pm

I think the doctor is probably the gate keeper to let me into a sleep study. I'll find out. Right now I feel physically horrible because during the wee hours of the morning, it felt like air wasn't making it very far into my body, even though I was breathing okay. I'm sighing frequently right now, trying to feel comfortable.

However, aside from that problem, I have trouble with doctors all the time. I am a little phobic about seeing doctors now. The upside is that I'm learning a lot on my own about medical and health problems.


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Ettina
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20 Mar 2013, 4:26 pm

Did you tell the doctor you have AS?

I used to not mention it, because it didn't seem relevant to my physical health issues, but since I've started telling doctors I'm autistic while I'm being checked out, I've had better interactions with them. It seems they're less likely to assume my health issues are hypochondria or psychosomatic if they know why I act weird.



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20 Mar 2013, 4:46 pm

Any hint of crazy and you tend to get that from doctors.
Especially if you have difficulty describing what you are feeling. (I have this problem quite a bit.)

I need to read about things in order to know how to talk about them, so I usually read up on my symptoms and possible causes before I go. Because I'm knowledgeable, I'm very often quickly written up as a hypochondriac, but it's just how I try to communicate.


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nessa238
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20 Mar 2013, 4:55 pm

I just tell the Doctor what the problem is and what I want them to do to solve it

Their attitude will either facilitate the process or hinder it but I'm still looking to get the problem dealt with
- that's my main focus

If I'm not happy with their attitude or the way they go about dealing with my problem, I complain to the practice

You need to have a problem-focused approach, not a 'how weird does this person find me?' one as that is
self-defeating

Regardless of how weird a particular Dr does or doesn't find you - are they doing their job well by solving your problem?
- that should be your only concern

You will often find a definite correlation between the more weird a Dr finds you, the worse they are at their job though, which should tell you all you need to know about people who outwardly judge others as weird...

It's a sign of a lack of intelligence and manners to be displaying their thoughts so overtly

We can't control how others react to us but we can control how we respond to them though



OregonBecky
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20 Mar 2013, 8:06 pm

nessa, you have very good advice and it's how I should approach the problem. I should be able to control my personality but now I'm so uncomfortable that it will take a lot of practice and self-awareness.


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nessa238
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21 Mar 2013, 5:40 am

OregonBecky wrote:
nessa, you have very good advice and it's how I should approach the problem. I should be able to control my personality but now I'm so uncomfortable that it will take a lot of practice and self-awareness.


I don't find it easy by any means - Drs and people in general often make me feel they see me as weird/different and I probably do come across as weird when compared to others but this should not be affecting the service I receive off the Dr

As long as a person isn't being unpleasant I have a sort of tolerating/humouring thing that I do with most people whereby I'm acknowledging to myself that they are treating me differently but as it's not malicious, I see it as something to be put up with for an easy life

There is a difference between myself and most others due to my being autistic, so expecting there to be no reflection of this difference in how people act towards me is unrealistic in my opinion so the task at hand is to learn how to minimise the disturbance this different treatment causes me and just focus on getting what I need out of the interaction

I think not taking it personally is the key to dealing with it basically as well as being assertive in stating what you need from the doctor

it can help a lot to have all the points you want to discuss with the doctor written out

The last time I did this for the friend who I live with to take for his appointment I typed it up and at the end I said a formal complaint would be made if action wasn't taken regarding what he needed

The doctor who saw him asked if she could keep this sheet listing what he needed and it's as if the doctors practice is keen to be seen to be acting on the issues

so writing out exactly what you need and how it hasn't been dealt with up to now etc can be a good idea

it also gives you a documentary record of progress made with getting things sorted out

it seems as if the threat of an official complaint worked better than an actual complaint ie we were giving them the
opportunity to sort things out

I'm 47 now and I wouldn't have said boo to a goose when at school so a lot of time and experience has elapsed before I've been able to be this assertive towards official organisations and services, plus I have a good way with the English language :wink:

I see producing letters and reports as the adult equivalent to the essays I used to get gold stars from at school. I am therefore using a skill I have to good practical effect. People take far more notice of what I have to say in writing than they ever do in person/via the spoken word. I am on the back foot in person, having to think on my feet, but in the written word I'm streets ahead of many! So I play to my forte.

I have just learned over time how these different social care and health systems are meant to work (through a combination of working in them and doing ongoing research on them)and then pointed out when they are not as I no longer see these people as having any authority over me - they are there to provide a service and if they aren't doing that they need to be told and the matter taken further

If more people did this, services would improve more

I am not any good at asserting myself towards random people in public or in social interactions though as there's no set structure or time to formulate a response ie there's no 'rules' that should be followed

So attitudes of disrespect from people in passing leave me floundering

I want to solve the problem but it's not of the official structure kind, so those skills are ineffective

I have to rationalise that you can't control people; the only thing you can do is formulate a plan of action and in public with random people behaving badly, the best plan is to ignore and avoid them as this minimises risk of physical attack



Mummy_of_Peanut
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21 Mar 2013, 7:56 am

OP, You do need to go back or ask for a second opinion. If you do have sleep apnoea, this needs treatment.

The mammogram and cholesterol check, that the doc mentioned, are usually just routine procedures, unless you present with symptoms that mean they need to be checked urgently. I'm assuming you're a woman of a certain age and have not had a recent mammogram. So, the doc is using this visit as an opportunity to prompt you to have one done. But, as for the cholesterol, it might be interesting to know if you consider yourself to be overweight. That's a good indicator of sleep apnoea being an issue and being overweight, in combination with high 'bad' cholesterol, is not good. So, I would have seen this as part of the investigation into the reasons for the visit to the the doc (unless you are not overweight). If the doc tested the cholesterol and got a high reading, that would be a good way for him to start a discussion about healthy weight and the dangers posed by being overweight, including sleep apnoea. Yet, he appears to have ignored the potential seriousness of this.


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