Do people make you feel like you're wrong?

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Joe90
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22 Mar 2013, 12:46 pm

What I mean is, when you say something that you're sure is right, someone disagrees and convinces you that you're wrong, and then they get the last word.

My friend did this the other day. I said to her that I've got Easter week-end off work, and then I said, ''but nothing will be open on Easter Sunday, so I don't know what I'm going to do.'' And my friend said, ''no, everything's open on Easter Sunday, all the shops will be open, because it's Easter Sunday and people like to do things on Easter Sunday.'' I was like, ''oh'', then when I got home I asked my mum if we could go shopping on Easter Sunday and she said, ''no we can't, there's nothing open on Easter Sunday, even Tescos is shut. It's a bit like Christmas day, nothing is open at all.'' I knew that all along and wondered why my friend said that for, as though she wanted me to be in the wrong.

This is just an example. Do you find this happens to you too, where other people seem to think they can speak to you like you're in the wrong, then make you feel unknowledgeable?


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justkillingtime
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22 Mar 2013, 1:04 pm

This happens to me frequently. Part of the time I am wrong because I forget things and also have a problem of dissociation where my full mind is not fully working. This sets me up to believe I am wrong when I am not sure and the other person is sure (but they frequently are wrong when I check it out). Another approximately third of the time I am sure I am right and I can choose to argue with the person or let it go. Many times the purpose of people telling you something is so they can feel smart, not to impart information. Another third of the time, I had a best friend who started out correcting me a little. Over the years, I think it became so rewarding to her that our conversations pretty much consisted of her correcting me. Sometimes, she was right. Many times she was not. She also had the habit of misunderstanding me in order to correct me. For example, I would say "some people...." and she would reply "not all people..." I did not say all people. I purposely said SOME people.

I always check it out to find out who was right to get realistic feedback for me.


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Panddora
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22 Mar 2013, 1:14 pm

Yes, I feel like this a lot. Of course I am usually right but people do not listen to me!



Marybird
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22 Mar 2013, 1:56 pm

This happens to me a lot. I'm really gullible and take things people tell me as fact, so I don't argue with them. It's only after thinking about the conversation later that I realize they could be wrong.



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22 Mar 2013, 4:50 pm

It's because, in informal discussions, who is "right" is a matter of who insists the most, not about who is actually right.

And those who insist the most are typically those who are more NT (or better at insisting through body language, tone of voice etc.)



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22 Mar 2013, 4:59 pm

My mother does it to me all the time when we talk. I tell her what I know and what I have read and Mom dismisses it all acting like I am wrong and she is right. My husband is sort of the same way and he tells me "Don't believe everything you hear" "Only believe half the things you hear." But to me it's all or nothing. I don't know what to believe and what not to believe. I could go onto not believing anything I hear at all and that would just make me closed minded and ignorant and be impossible to educate just like my ex was and he was annoying and a prick because of it and I don't want to be him. Or I could just be gullible and believe every word people say unless it's that obvious it's BS.


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palindrome
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22 Mar 2013, 6:38 pm

Yeah. I hate that feeling, and it's so frustrating when you check later and find out you're right because in my experience the wrong person won't take it well if you bring it back up. Instead of seeing it as a correction to wrong thinking or bad info, it gets read as petty know-it-all stuff. Took me a long time to learn that.

I wish more people took correction better (and to be honest that includes me, I can be stubborn).



raisedbyignorance
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22 Mar 2013, 6:43 pm

All the damn time...

And trust me it really messes you up mentally more than you could imagine. Especially when this stuff happens to you long before you knew you had Aspergers or had even heard of the word.



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22 Mar 2013, 8:25 pm

I encounter this more than I'd like. I often don't know how to respond to outlandish claims, so I sometimes appear to agree while I'm trying to work out what I just heard and how I should respond to it.



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22 Mar 2013, 8:33 pm

Yes, it's so easy to manipulate me.

For example, when a TA criticizes my homework, I often agree with him/her in this very situation. But when I take it home, it occurs to me: "Oh, wait, I think I was in fact right."



UneFleurDelicate
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22 Mar 2013, 8:33 pm

This happens to me with frustrating frequency! ;/


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WrongWay
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22 Mar 2013, 10:18 pm

Sometimes I have this problem with my parents. It doesn't help that I'm not very good at arguing and tend to go along with whatever people say whilst they are, and yet I often have a strong sense of what is right leading to frustration.


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22 Mar 2013, 10:47 pm

Yes, that happens very often.

I think it's partly because I'm very careful not to say things that might not be true. Unless I know surely something is true, I don't say it in definite terms. Many others don't seem to have that policy, hence saying wrong things confidently and convincingly and making me sound wrong. Confident people can make you sound wrong. It's more to do with whether you are confident or not than whether what you say is true or not.

I usually don't bother to try to correct them because their not knowing the truth doesn't affect me.



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23 Mar 2013, 8:14 am

Not sure what the issue is.

I think most people are on both the recieving, and on the dealing, ends of that all of the time.

Sometimes malice is involved, and sometimes not.

The op's friend may have just been misinformed, and thought they were doing you a favor by informing you (of their misinformation). Or they may have been some kind of malice- by wanting to string you along.



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23 Mar 2013, 11:48 am

They don't succeed in making me feel that way, but it's clear that some people try to. Being louder and more obnoxious doesn't make you more correct than someone who has done actual research, but you don't need to go far to see people deciding that their uninformed opinions are superior simply because they shout them. I don't let people change my mind in such situations, but it does make me feel irritated and exhausted, especially when it happens in real life.


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AgentPalpatine
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28 Mar 2013, 8:48 am

Aspies are (often) low percieved status. It reduces someone's status to be wrong to a person of lower status, so it's not in very many people's interest to be wrong in public with an Aspie.

Now, if said Aspie is of high status on a subject, that's more acceptable.


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