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Limalwi
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22 Mar 2013, 5:18 pm

Hello everyone!
I would appreciate having other's opinion on the topic of brithdays and what most people consider important events...(Christmas, New years eve etc...)

First a context... I never really liked celebrating any events... too much pressure is put on my shoulders and people expect things I am unable to do. For instance, when I receive a gift at christmas, I do not burst in happiness. I smile a little and appreciate the gesture. I tend to appreciate every single day of life and not get too obsessed with the different celebrations.

When I was growing up, for various reasons, I decided that celebrating my birthday was more of a chore than a pleasure. Since people kept saying it was ''my day'' and that I should do ''What I want'' I decided to do just that. I have to specify that most of my friends are aware that I am not fond of celebrating my birthday...

A week before my brithday, a friend called me and asked if I had planned something for said birthday. I replied no and said I'd rather do something relaxing. I chose to do a small lan party with my friends. On the day of the lan party, one of them called me and asked if I wanted to eat before we actually go to the lan party. I said it could be a good idea and he said he'd call back. As I didn't hear from him and I couldn't get him on his cellphone I went to where the lan party was. There I learned they had a reservation at a restaurant and that we were all going there. I asked them where and I told them I'd rather go to another place because I hated the place they chose. They said we'd regroup and relocate.

When we arrived, some of them had already ordered and going somewhere else was, of course, out of the question. Of course, I felt like throwing a tantrum but it wouldn't have been socially acceptable so I hushed and try to cope with the growing unpleasantness in me. It became clear to me that this was a ''Surprise party'' but I was unable to summon up the ''burst of happiness'' that I came to learn is mandatory in such events... In fact i reasoned in my mind I was entitled to remain as I ordinarily am since they brought me to a place I didn't like, that i told them and that it was ''a day for me where I do what I want''. Of course, a friend felt I wasn't wallowing in joy so she inquired about why I felt as such. I calmly explained and proceeded to finish my plate as best I could.

The nightmare truly began at that moment. Many of them were angry that I wasn't exploding in joy. They said my lack of reaction was uncalled for. They made an effort so I could be happy... Trying to explain how I felt and what I wanted only made things worse... Still today, after a few months, people are on my back because of it...

I can't understand how it all got out of control like that... All I wanted was a calm and relaxing lan party with a few people. Why do we have to put up a show for others on our birthday? What did I do wrong? Is it like that for you? How do you see these kind of events? Am I the only one to find them tedious and unnecessary?

Thank you for your time.



pancakemayonnaise
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22 Mar 2013, 6:23 pm

I went to a party last weekend
(under the assumption that I knew everybody),
and it happened to be my birthday.
I didn't tell anyone, and nobody knew, so it was nice to just have a relaxing day.
Well, when I told people later, they became upset.
I told them that not knowing was a great present.

Yeah, I don't understand so much either.

I really dislike the attention and everything... yes, so stressful.

Sorry to hear about that, but it was nice to read about... hope your friends understand your position now...



Otherside
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22 Mar 2013, 7:13 pm

I have come to the conclusion that I do not like my birthday, as I am expected to be social, talk to people, and it is rude for me to do what I do on a usual day, and just sit up alone in the peace and quiet. Christmas is also a chore for me. All I want to do is be left alone, but I have to be social and spend time with my family...it's not that I have a problem with them, I just like having some time alone sometimes. Why can't they see that?

My sister begged me at one point to let me through a party one of my birthday. I told her no, of course. I know she likes a show, but I really don't. Why can't she see I'm not like her? Other than the fact that there's only three people outside of my family who I wiuld have thought to invite, a party would have been been hell!

As for a surprise party, thank god nobody has ever thrown me one!



OliveOilMom
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22 Mar 2013, 7:27 pm

I used to like my birthday, but now it's no big deal to me. I'm usually just disappointed. It's not that I want a bunch of gifts, I would just like DH to do something for me from the heart, not because he is supposed to. He's not very good at expressing feelings like that. After a few years of being disappointed every year when I wanted a gesture instead of a gift I told him I don't want to celebrate my birthday like it's a big deal. I told him I don't want any gifts or anything like that. It's much easier when I'm not expecting anything. I'm hoping I don't sound spoiled and demanding, because I'm not. I'm not wanting material things, not at all. All I've ever really wanted from him is a heartfelt expression of love, and that just doesn't happen.

Yesterday was our anniversary. He didn't say anything at all about it, and I had cooked one of his favorite dinners and even though we didn't have the money to buy any gifts I had planned a special evening (youknowwhatImean). He basically ignored me from the time he got home so I showered and was heading into the bedroom to lay in bed with my book and said "I'm going to bed now, and by the way, happy anniversary" He said "Oooooh is it? I forgot all about it. I completely forgot." He didn't even apologize for forgetting. A hug, maybe telling me he loves me, maybe just sitting by me with his arm around me. Taking the trouble to shower so he doesn't stink and to brush his teeth so he's not gross (it's been over a year since he's brushed last) and kiss me or something is all I want. I'd rather have that than diamonds or furs.

I tend to build days like that up in my mind with expectations of having a happy time (not of material things) and it never works out no matter how hard I try to keep a good attitude and make sure everybody else has a good time. It's better for me if I just ignore it all together. That's what I plan on doing for my birthday this year, unless my kids want to do something and I always appreciate anything from them because they do it out of love. I once got a rock painted blue with watercolors from one of them and I was thrilled. Cause he made it for me cause he loved me.

So, that's my take on birthdays and celebrations.


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Aquinas
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22 Mar 2013, 9:32 pm

When I told my Mom I did not want a birthday party when I was ten, she accepted it and I never much celebrated my birthday after that. Someone organized a semi-surprise birthday for me in University and I graciously got through it but mostly I consider throwing someone a surprise party as the height of inconsideration.



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23 Mar 2013, 12:37 am

I still like my birthday (except for the getting older part) because I don't have to deal with the annoyance of a party. I haven't had a birthday party since I was ten, and I think I'd make a terrible host, especially since my current take on parties is to spend five minutes with one or two guests then disappear upstairs until it's over. My parents get this, so it's usually a mercifully quiet affair, cake, presents, maybe eating out somewhere and that's it, no fanfare or palaver, it's nice.


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Urist
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23 Mar 2013, 4:36 am

I like my birthday. I don't like birthday parties, so I haven't had any since I was 5. I usually just go to Aviemore or a wildlife park/zoo or something, sometimes with a friend, sometimes not. Either way, it's always something relatively solitary and quiet.

In my opinion, it's unreasonable of your friends to expect you to enjoy something just because they did it. I don't understand how doing something in a louder way with more people makes it better, and they should respect your preferences. Ruining someone's birthday by throwing parties is just obnoxious and disrespectful.


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Chloe33
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23 Mar 2013, 6:14 am

I would have been angry if anyone ever gave me a surprise party and family/friends know well enough to never do such a thing.
i don't like birthdays or any other holidays for that matter, that involve people gathering and having to socialize with one another.
They usually seem weird and forced. Only one time with one family did it seem more home like i guess... which only serves to confuse me more since every family is different. Its depressing i'd rather avoid all of it.