Why therapy won't work

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People often keep telling me to get therapy but I know it won't work as I already understand the theories behind it and have tried to apply them many times. They just do not work.

For example much of my social difficulties are NOT all my doing but are the result of other peoples attitudes instead. For example I have tried and tried to find people who understand that I do not always have social energy and cannot socialise with them 24/7 to talk to about my interests but this is impossible to find. Then if I try to talk to people about my frustrations they merely say I am attention seeking. Some individuals will then spread rumours about me that are not true which often leads to other people rejecting me for things I have not done.

Apparently I have to change...I am forced by society to make myself sick and exhausted by becoming an extravert when I am really introvert and need sufficient alone time to recharge my energies. The result is I am forced into isolation which can also trigger depressive episodes which i am then also blamed for and placed on medications that make me sicker again.

It seems I am trapped between the devil and the deep blue sea in a no win situation because of peoples lack of understanding and their malicious nature. And it IS because of their lack of understanding and, in some cases, because they are judgemental spiteful malicious arses (especially those who spread the spiteful rumours and ruin someones reputation unfairly for their own sick amusement).

And I am supposed to love the human race how exactly?

There is not one understanding soul on this planet...

It seems therapy is all about getting you to fit into what society calls 'the norm'.

I don't believe most therapies work on Aspies. I am awaiting CBT, which I have heard can be geared towards those with AS, so I will remain open-minded about that until I have experienced it.

However, I do know that talking therapies absolutely have never worked in my case. I have found therapists and counsellors to be absolutely useless, and they can never advise ways to solve problems. Because I am self-analytical it also seems to throw them because I already thought about everything they would have said to me anyway. Or they just plain admit that I am too complex a case.

I agree that it's impossible not to have social anxiety when everyone else seems to treat you badly. I get fed-up of people being s**ts and others defending them and saying I took it wrongly or they didn't mean it. I thought we were the ones supposedly lacking in empathy

I am genuinely hugely perplexed, because I am honest with myself, I am logical and I am a kind person and open-minded as well, so I don't think I am doing anything wrong in my interactions. Yet despite this, I seem to come up against argumentative people, people with a chip on their shoulder, mean people, thoughtless people, manipulative people and people who are jealous and feel the need to bring you down in whichever way they can.

The thing is, if you don't play their game (or are unable to), you are out of the game. And that's what it's all about. No therapy can change that.

I understand what bumble means. I pretty much feel the same. Therapy has never worked because they only tell me some common sense that I already know though I still believe there are some competent therapists somewhere who can help.

I also understand bumble's frustration with malicious people. I experience that myself. When you are different, rather than accepting and embracing diversity, they ostracize you. Many people are hypocritical and sneaky. They try to appear good people when their intentions are quite malicious.

It does seem like sort of a one way street. You are supposed to be able to understand and empathize with other people, but they are not expected to understand or empathize with you. I don't really think it's worth the effort. I don't brush people off or treat them rudely, but I do try to minimize my interaction with humans as much as possible.

Last edited by scarp on 23 Mar 2013, 10:11 am, edited 1 time in total.

Therapy is BS to begin with because it does not address the problem which does not go away by talking about it: No amount of therapy can help with the bullying, social stigmatisation, loneliness, unemployment, inability to form relationships that we go through ...and the depression that follows that you have to get out of - yourself.

Anyone who actually believes that therapy for autism is good should get his/her head examined for retardation. What is needed is practical HELP - not BS.

Don't be so sure about that. Generally speaking, people who choose to become therapists are the ones who need therapy the most.

The best therapy for Aspies is to be around others who don't think you need to be 'fixed.' It can't help matters for us if we are giving others the impression we think there is something wrong with us.

As for the bullying, social stigmatization, loneliness, unemployment, inability to form relationships, depression, etc. . . . if we don't permit it to drag us down into a slow death, we arise into being stronger, smarter, and more valuable than those who lack these experiences. Just because others don't comprehend our worth doesn't mean we should be as ignorant.

Modern day psychiatry is a load of bull, it's about pushing pills and changing people.
Study the psychoanalytic theories of the not-so-distant past (Freud is a little outdated but a good place to start - then Lacan and Jung) and understand the psychology behind what's happening in those social interactions (or anti-social interactions).
There's nothing more you can do if you're not willing to change (which I respect very much, seeing as I have done the same thing)
Good luck

A lot of great insights here so far.

Scarp: yes, I agree, once they find out that you don't spontaneously empathize with them in the manner that they're accustomed to, then you're not worthy of the same; in fact they may become hostile towards you, and no therapist can undo that as it's based on the other person's free will and ingrained biases. I've had a couple of idiot therapists who insisted this was not true when I confronted them with this as my experience, but he insisted that it is possible to change somebody who's behaving badly like this..."all I have to do" is tell them that I don't appreciate being treated like this and I deserve better. Yeah, that'll do it, just confirm that their bully tactics are working. I sure hope he didn't work with parolees(!)

Ichinin: yes, a therapist treating Aspergers is like a physician treating a viral infection symptomatically; it doesn't get at the root cause, but the more peripheral problems, which will resurface in due time (you might approach or look at them differently, but, there they are!) - It's not like treating something with antibiotics where it goes away after a week or two.

I confronted a therapist on this before, and he basically told me that it's something I'd have to figure out for myself. He gave me answers that made him sound like a Greek Oracle, and this was before I got my ASD dx. He spent most of the sessions trying to convince me that my struggles were all in my head. What he failed to realize was that most of Asperger struggles, including mine, were based on navigating spontaneous situations where he didn't gather all the nuances from the environment. I'd have to say that over 80% of my improvements were based on having a couple of trusted friends who observed me on dates or with others and would give me honest, objective feedback based on contextual factors, nonverbal nuance etc. A psychiatrist won't ask you to videotape the situations then give the videotape to her for further analysis so that she can then give you more practical advice.

Faithfilly: I agree infinitely! - that we need to be around those who don't think we need to be "fixed", be it through nitpicking or incessant criticism or bullying to "teach us a lesson". To quote Tony Atwood, the world-renowned expert on Aspergers: "You don't suffer from Asperger's Syndrome. You suffer from other people."

You guys are great

I'm having therapy at present and it is hard going. We are dredging up old memories in the hope I can face up to and banish them forever. Also, working on the idea that I am depressed because I buried anger instead of expressing it over time. Like I said it is hard going and I find that I just want to talk about science or music as anything else is a struggle. It is somewhat going round in circles, but I am trying, but I'm not confident. It's people; I just can't connect with them, and like others have said end up in arguments and falling outs. This leads to depression...

I personally am of the theory that we would be better off if we lived near each other, even if not an individual building or town, at least having a local "support network" of our own.

I wrote about it in more detail here:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt222235.html

I personally believe that would be the (short to medium term) most effective solution.

So, what worth is it to me to be more empathic and to have more life experience than normal people (who have never had a hard day in their lives) in a coldhearted ignorant society that equates autistics as serial killers, a label that is reserved to psychopats and are undeserved by autistics because we usually end up as victims.

I've had the same help from my friends. Some people here are not so lucky to have openminded friends who feel like they can talk to you 100% openly and objectively. A useful therapist should be able to do that.



Tony hit the nail on the head.

Therapy can't fix everything, but that doesn't mean it doesn't do anything.

Like a lot of things, if you want it done right.. Do it yourself. I got a lot out of reading "Feeling Good," by Dr. David Burns. Its basically CBT in book form w/ self administered depression checklist tests and written CBT exercises.

Its one thing to read the book and comprehend the theories, its another entirely to follow through and do the exercises. I learned from them, as would anyone.

I've gotten a lot of value out of loosely similarly themed, yet not so clinical, books on positive thinking techniques ie "Mind power into the 21st century," by John Kehoe and a bunch of other similar books.

Therapy does not do anything. It gives you the realisation that "Hey, you are in the desert, you should get out of it by heading towards the nearest town" (a.k.a. pointing out the bloody obvious) but it does not give you a map or a GPS unit, bottled water or a first aid kit.

This is very similar to my experience. I am in psychodynamic therapy (as opposed to cognitive behavioral therapy). It is slow and incremental and won't make me a shining star in society but it is helping me to relax, reduce some self-defeating behaviors, and he is trying to get me to see I am too harsh in judging myself and my interactions (really slow going on that one). I spent most of my adult life working with psychologists and in a psych hospital and I will say getting the right therapist is crucial. There are awesome therapists who are dedicated to their patients' well-being and there are incompetents and mean-spirited people and, like someone said above, therapists with their own mental health issues.

I had an ASD therapy since 06 (I think) and only recently stopped going. The past two years of therapy were totally pointless.

The therapist had become annoyed about that I doubt my diagnosis of AS and she was annoyed whenever I explained that I hadn't already made progress in some areas after we'd talked about them once. For example, when I told her about that I have problems sharing something I like without being asked a great many questions about it, she encouraged me to bring some of my favourite stuff and she looked over it and commented on it. When we talked about issues that still need to be worked on, I reminded her of this one and she was flabbergasted that it was still an issue and said that the problem should be solved because I'd brought my stuff once.

She'd also begun to tell me that she thought I had an extremely mild case of AS and said that I would want to get diagnosed with "HFA" because she thinks that and atypical autism are more severe disorders than AS.

And, she completely ignored me when I told her about my problems. She thinks I am smart and that the symptoms I have such as sensory issues, stims and routines are emotional issues and are just part of my quirky, quiet personality while similar symptoms in the other autistic people who she treats actually come from their ASDs.

Despite that gruesome end, I did make some great progress before the therapist acted as if I should be smart enough to make my autism disappear.

I gained a lot of insight into how my behaviour influences the reactions of those people I interact with and tried to use that to my advantage - as well as I can do it without being able to be truly spontanous and without being able to read faces and despite forgetting about eye-contact a lot/not being able to look someone in the eyes when I need to think hard about what to say.

I remember being stunned about the reaction of my biology teacher in the summer of my last year at school. Before that day, she'd never take me seriously and act as if a lot of my questions about schoolwork were silly just because she didn't know the answers sometimes. Then, at the end of the lessons I walked up at her and looked her in the eye while I said what I'd rehearsed during the entire lesson before and she paused before responding, suddenly answered me in the same manner in which she usually talked to the other students.

Sure, eye-contact doesn't always work wonders like that but that situation really opened my eyes (metaphorically) to the importance of pretence and acting during social interaction and got me working on that and on learning about how "normal" people usually function.

If the therapist hadn't started going nuts, I might have continued the therapy to learn more about normal people.