I don't even know what I am anymore. Anybody else agree?

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Marylandman889
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21 Jun 2013, 10:06 pm

I know in some way I'm not a neurotypical or socially perfect. But It seems like sometimes I fall in the border between Asperger's, Autism, or Social Anxiety Disorder.
I was checked out for anything like Autism when I was much younger, but the doctors didn't report anything really concerning. Thus, my family kinda of ignored autism spectrum talk for a while.
But the Symptoms persisted. When Researching Asperger's especially, I noticed I had a sensory issue. That's why I would get really upset and maybe even cry if somebody were to yell in a room, even if it sometimes wasn't directed to me. Or if, I would want to cry when somebody was cross with me (Emotional sensory issue).
But unlike most Aspies, I had a language setback when I was a toddler. I still tend to slur my words today (Talking to fast). I know not every aspies are the same, but I'm still wary,
I do tend to have many interests, but one or two are my big interests which I research a lot. They shift every 7-8 months or so.
Then, I think I have Social Anxiety. There are times when I fear so much Social activity, I feel inferior, or like I'm getting in everybody's way. I feel like I'm gonna screw up and feel weird in a multitude of ways.
I kinda self diagnosed myself with some type of Asperger's/Autism/Whatever. Anybody ever in a predicament like this? What Should I do? :( I feel so confused...



livelobster123
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21 Jun 2013, 10:28 pm

Well, I hate to say it, but the only thing you can do is wait until you're 18 and then go get yourself checked out. Or you could convince your parents to let you go to the neurologist; although they seem like adamant a-holes. It seems like you have autism/asperger's anyway.



conchscooter
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21 Jun 2013, 10:41 pm

Reading your post reminded me of my teenage years with similar feelings and no help at all from my family who actually, I realised later, set me back. The best I can tell you is keep a low profile if you can, and wait. Try not to upset the people around you, look after yourself as much as you can and try to pay attention to what matters to you. It does get better as you get older, especially as has been said when you become an adult and can make your own choices. Until then you have to live with certain people and they can make life hard for you if tyhey don't understand you.



RagingShadow
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22 Jun 2013, 1:01 am

In the same place. I am getting evaluated for Asperger's right now (had the ADOS on Tuesday, parents have the ADI-R tomorrow) however, I am worried that I will be borderline and/or get stuck with a Social Anxiety Disorder and an OCD diagnosis (to me Asperger's fits better because, while I do have characteristics of those two disorders, I also have sensory issues; the anxiety is because I don't know what to say, I have rituals to control life, and I don't have much interest in anything beyond...well, my interests)
So we'll see...


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VIDEODROME
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22 Jun 2013, 1:11 am

I'm not sure what I might have. I kind of feel borderline, though my mom frequently says I've "come out of my shell" in my 30s so I guess I've gradually improved. I'm good at one on one conversation but terrible in big groups.



treblecake
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22 Jun 2013, 2:01 am

I know I'm a little on the spectrum, I've recognised many traits in myself but I'm not sure whether my traits are strong enough to be diagnosed with an ASD. I told my mum that I thought I had aspergers and she wasn't helpful at all. I ended up going to a psychologist once but it was so scary that I could hardly talk. The whole process of getting a diagnosis is just too scary and stressful for me, so I've decided to just stop worrying about it. I'm doing alright at the moment and I've improved as a person over the last few years, so I have no real reason to seek a diagnosis.

Although I'm worried about next year since I'll be out of school. I'm worried about making friends after school and being organised with adult things like filling out tax forms and paying for insurance and all that kind of stuff. I guess if I have trouble adjusting to adult life next year I might see a psychologist or something.


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helles
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22 Jun 2013, 2:26 am

I am wondering if it is not easier (free?) to get a diagnosis while still in school? Would it be possible to talk with a school psychologist?

Btw. I had never heard about Emotional sensory issue. I guess that would include the behaviour of my small boys, they break down and cry if told "no" even if it is not in a harsh way.


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azaam
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22 Jun 2013, 8:29 am

You described me in a nutshell. Everything you mentioned about you is happening to me right now. I was also born with a mild speech impediment so I tend to stutter sometimes, which doesn't help my self diagnosis of autism. I think I am getting past my socially anxiety but it's still there. My advice to you is to become proud of being socially awkward. It's the only way you can reach the level you want to reach and get past your socially anxiety. That is the only answer I can come up with after years and years of researching this problem and mimicking people to be normal. Good luck and message me if you need any help or advice. I think I am a expert on this case now loool.


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InThisTogether
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22 Jun 2013, 9:50 am

What kind of language setback did you have?

I ask because my daughter was nonverbal past the age of 2. At 3, she only used 2-3 word phrases. By 5 she had a vocabulary surpassing her peers, but she still was somewhat hesitant to speak at times and she had some articulation difficulties. Now at 7, she is simply verbally ahead in every respect. Her vocabulary, her language use, the complexity, all of it.

Her neurologist says that he doesn't believe her early delays preclude viewing her as having Aspergers. I have read other professionals who have questioned the early delay thing as relevant when the kid catches up at an early age. Only now the point is moot due to the changes in the DSM

The label other people give you doesn't really matter. At the end of the day, what matters is how you see yourself. I am 99.9% sure that I would never qualify for a diagnosis on the spectrum. However, I still identify strongly with many things Aspie. I use that knowledge in a couple of ways. First of all, I remind myself I am not a freak. I am wired differently. Second of all, it allows me to adapt strategies that are successful for Aspies to my own life. Third, I know to come to places like this to "let my hair down" and enjoy other people talking about things that "normal" people in my life would never understand.

There are many, many people out there just like you. A lot of us say we are "shadows" or "BAP" (Broad autism phenotype). Your experiences and perceptions are real. You are not wrong to feel like you are not like everybody else. Don't let the fact that you might not exactly fit some man-made criteria to tie you to a specific label make you feel bad about yourself. You are not alone.


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