Don't know what to do now...

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I have been reading this forum for some time because my son, age 13 today, is a diagnosed Aspie. The more I read and the more I take the little quizzes some of you have posted, the more convinced I am that I am an Aspie, too. It all fits. I think the only time in my life I have ever been like other (NT) people is when I was drinking or on drugs, then I was quite popular. Once I quit all that, I was back to being the outsider. I am 38, female, I prefer to watch kids shows and cartoons to other programs, I play video games, I don't really care about fashion and all that "girl" stuff, i do tend to obsess about certain things. I was always the weird one, the bookworm, the brain. I gave my best friend a little crate full of paper for Christmas one year because I though it was cool. I never heard the end of that one (we were about 12 at the time and she gave me perfume). Anyway, I am sure that I either am an Aspie, or at the very least have very stong tendencies in that direction. Now, my dilemma is where to go from here. I don't know what to do with this knowledge. Should it change my life somehow? I have spent many many years hiding who I am to "fit in" with what is expected of me as a wife and mother and I have also spent many many years feeling sick all the time. I can't help but think that if I had this knowledge when I was my son's age, it all would have turned out so different for me. Instead I have spent my life trying to be NT, when it is quite obvious now that I'm not.

First of all, welcome to the site.

Second, do you think a diagnosis would help you at this stage in life? It sounds like you're already pretty sure you have it, there's no doubt a doctor would agree with you, if it fits. What I'm trying to say is that a diagnosis is just something that makes it "official."

-Alex

Sometimes for many a self-diagnosis is enough. That the best you needed from it was simply to understand yourself better.

I think the first thing is for you to decide which you want and need. What are the bonuses to just self-diagnosis? What are the bonuses to having an official one? Once you've sized those up, it may be easier to figure out your plan of action.

Yeah, I agree with alex, and you DO seem like an aspie. HECK, when most people asked for toys, clothing, etc.... I asked for a labeler(Labeled my books like at 4 or so), workbench(Built one around 13), typewriter(Started typing some things around 15 or so), computer(about 17), etc... Talk about odd! And one uncle INSISTED on giving me sweaters I hated. I never got on drugs, etc...., so I guess I'll never know what that is like. I DO sometimes, if tired after having eaten a lot or when REALLY frustrated around friends, become a bit more gragarious, and start joking. So, I guess I might act the same as you if drugged up.

I'm not diagnosed, but I have predicted how some diagnosed people here would act, etc.... and found it fits, and seen some things they have done and WOW, it fits me. So I guess I have it as well!

Speaking of those quizes, one person here got almost a perfect ASPIE score. I wonder if anyone got a perfect NT score. It would be interesting to put them in the same room, and see what happens.

Steve

Welcome Laura, I'm kind of in the same boat (minus the kids) where I feel a lot of my past and my behaviors coincide with what is considered Asperger's. I'm currently debating official diagnosis or self-diagnosis, so I know where you're coming from.

Welcome Lauralee!! You sound alot like me.

When I first put it all together I think the first thing that hit me was anger. I just wished I would have known years ago before I did some of the dumb things that I did trying to fit in.

A diagnosis is just a piece of paper really...it doesn't change anything.

The only thing I can say is now that I know I'm alot easier on myself for being the way that I am...no more self-induced guilt trips over my quirks...I'm also alot less tolerant of anyone else giving me a guilt trip also.

Unfortunately, I had a difficult time living up to my NT husband's expectations even though I really tried...so now I'm just a single mom living up to my own expectations. My son will be 8 in a few months.

There was no AS label when we were kids, but after my son was diagnosed with HFA it really started to make sense. I had lots of issues as a kid and have recieved a few labels like OCD, sensory issues, chronic depression. That was why I was so surprised when they said it was autism with my son.

As far as whether to get a formal diagnosis or not it really depends on how you feel about it. I have other labels though so I have had enough fun with psychiatrists to not feel the need to get a formal label (lol). Generally too there is no special medication or anything - usually once you figure out about the AS then you stop feeling stupid or stressed out about not being able to fit in without alot of effort or not likeing the things you are "supposed" to like (like girly things).

I really don't know if there would be any benefit to an "official" diagnosis, other than the fact that other people might take it more seriously than a self-diagnosis. I'd still be in the same situation, diagnosed or not. I am getting frustrated with myself now about all the time I have wasted trying so hard to be something I can probably never be, and that is "normal". I feel like I have lost so much time and so much of my true self. Heres an example of changing who I am to be more "normal": I slept with a stuffed animal until I got married. That day, I replaced the animal with a small pillow because I thought that's what married people do - they don't sleep with stuffed animals.

I do definately want to understand myself better and I want to get back what I feel I've lost, and that may be the main benefit of knowing for sure if I am an Aspie. I do fit the criteria and I do relate to what the others on here say and do and I do understand my son and why he does what he does because we are so much alike even though my husband is clueless and not very understanding about the same behavior.

Steve, you are lucky if you can get more gregarious and joking with only food or frustration! I killed off a lot of brain cells trying to get the same thing! I also wonder what would happen if you put those two perfect scores together! Spontaneous combustion?

Walk - in - the rain, Panik, and Beenthere, you all posted at the same time I did! Anyway, I have had my share of labels, too, and when I think about it, I don't know if I really want another official one or not. Beenthere - what you said really hit home. I, too, wish I would have known before and I could have avoided a lot of pain and stupidity. I am pretty hard on myself about the things I do and have done in the past. I need to work on living up only to my own expectations like you do. That sounds wonderful!

Lauralee,

OH, it isn't THAT reliable, and it hasn't happened for a LONG time. OK, maybe the frustration thing has, but that is decidedly different. I think it must be some kind of insulin reaction reacting with exhaustion. Anyway, if that is it, I wouldn't want to push it.

Steve