How to explain how a meltdown feels?

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I've been wondering today, a lot of NT's have problems empathising during a meltdown no doubt because they have no understanding how it feels?

How would you describe the meltdown experience?

The best way I can think of is like a portal to hell has opened up inside my brain and there are demons spilling out..

it's at the end of my endurance. The lights are too bright, the noise is too loud, t he touch is painful, my mouth is dry, and I'm shaking from fear, anxiety, and anger. All the hard worn control is gone and what's left is a burning rage and I end up trying desperately to regain control but it's gone like the rope tugged away as you slowly slide down a cliff as you try to claw your way back up but the ground crumbles under your fingers and your feet keep slipping.

Nuclear meldown disaster. Total loss of control. Embarassment afterwords, shame.

Excuse any typos, using my mother,'s laptop, my pc crippled by a nasty virus.

Sincerely,
Matthew

n

For me, it is a feeling of suddenly being completely and utterly overwhelmed with emotion - frustration, anger, fear, anxiety. Whatever seemingly minor event triggered it feels like it is now something that is ruining my life somehow. I can be shaking and flooded with adrenaline and scare myself because I feel like I dont have full control over what I might do (at it's worst). I can mentally take a step back and acknowledge how over the top my reaction is compared to how small the problem might appear but at the same time I know that it is too late and I just have to either loose my temper (Which I try to avoid these days) or else just take myself out of the situaltion to some clam place where I can try to slowly relax.

For me, it just seems to build - with no end in sight. When it's happening, I'm telling myself internally that I need to stop, but I can't. It's just a flood of emotions - anger and frustration, mainly. I get loud and keep getting louder. To NTs, a meltdown might appear to be nothing more than a tantrum, but they couldn't be more wrong. I don't do it for attention; it's just a release of emotions that's usually triggered by something or a combination of things. After it's over, I feel terrible - physically, mentally, and emotionally. It's embarrassing.

This is one I'm curious about too.

The problem with me when I used to have a meltdown is the fact no matter how hard I try I could not control it, hence the reason why I am now medicated. I still get that feeling of anger the overwhelms me and takes over everything but the medication kicks in and I end up drowsy and tired and I end up going to sleep for a couple of hours. When I was having a meltdown it was like I was in a dream I had no idea what I was doing until the damage was done and I came out of this what I call a coma and all I see is devistation. I felt horrible for what I did, depressed, down and suicidal afterwards and I would not come out of my room for days afterwards. I do not like hurting anyone or upsetting anyone and thats what upsets me the most.

Mine are kinda compairable to a heart moniter. Everything starts out normal and steady. Then something happens, everything flatlines, and you can't remember anything that happened the last few minutes

I wrote a detailed short essay about what meltdowns are like (describing a meltdown starting on public transportation) and I've gotten some very good feedback on it. It's mostly intended to communicate to NTs what it's like for us. I'd be interested to know if others experience the same things as me: http://crowdedhead.blog.com/2012/11/01/the-meltdown/

it is almost inpossible to explain a meltdown to someone that doesn't experience any themselves, like explaining colour to someone who is born blind.

perhaps the best way is to use one of the "meltdown simulation" videos on youtube, to give a light impression

I don't know that there is a really good way to explain a meltdown. Unless you count the song "The world has gone insane" from Jekyll and Hyde (actually, I'm listening to it right now and it's not a bad description... metaphorically anyways). It's just a total loss of control over your emotions and reactions.

I'd like to think that my essay gives at least some idea even to those who have never experienced a meltdown or sensory overload. I think it's possible to communicate how it feels, if only we can get people to really listen. Since I guess most people probably don't want to have to go read a blog, I'll copy the first part here (it's quite long and I don't want to slam anyone with a wall of text) and if anyone wants to read the rest I'll leave a link at the bottom.

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It could be anywhere, but this time it’s the metro (or subway or underground, whatever you call it). It’s not particularly crowded, but there’s a group of American tourists standing close by, speaking very loudly in that American Tourist voice about how they’re sure everyone they meet at the major landmarks will speak English. At first it’s just annoying. Not taking a hint from the silence in the rest of the train, their voices carry from end to end. You could swear they grow louder and more high-pitched the longer they talk.

The train stops. You’re not directly in the way, but the large woman behind you shoves you aside anyway as she exits. The tourists don’t get off. The train is getting fuller now. At first you glance at the faces of those getting on, but they start to warp. They all look so angry, so hostile. Are they really, or is your perception off again? That man looks like a lizard. A young couple squeezes in next to you and starts giggling and kissing. The girl has a metal nose piercing that keeps catching the light and flashing it into your eyes. Several people are talking now, but the tourists are still clearly audible as they criticize the local cuisine. A light in the corner starts to flicker. Each flash feels like an electric shock.

The young couple is unabashedly making out now. It’s not the sight that’s so troublesome, but the sound. That moist sucking and smacking sound is like needles in your ears. One of the tourists starts to laugh the highest-pitched laugh you’ve ever heard. It’s starting to hurt. Physically hurt your inner ears. How crazy would you look if you just covered your ears?

Probably pretty crazy. Hold on. Just a few more stops.

The flickering — is it getting worse, or is your tolerance just wearing down? Your eyes are pointed at the floor now. Less movement there, less to process. Then someone nearby starts tapping their foot to the music you can hear blaring though their earbuds. You squeeze your eyes shut.

Someone is turning the volume up on the world. Those kissing noises are getting louder, punctuated by the shriek of the American woman’s laughter. Dear god, why don’t they just shut up? Why don’t these kids just get a room somewhere? Why doesn’t the businessman standing next to you holding the overhead hand rail wear deodorant? You suppress the urge to vomit.

Your clothing is getting rougher. They are made of sandpaper now. You swear you’d just rip them all off if it didn’t mean baring your skin and being brushed against by all these strangers.

The tourists’ voices aren’t even forming words anymore. It’s just a constant stream of high-pitched high-volume noises that grates on your ears. Every vowel makes you cringe. You know from experience that people are staring at you now. You’re rocking back and forth, shaking your head, squeezing your eyes shut, jumping at each louder-than-average sound. You probably look like a junkie.

You can no longer make out the announcements of each stop over the screaming cacophony around you so you have to open your eyes for a moment to check your location. Oh christ no, two more stops. Oh god no. You’re not going to make it this time. It hurts. It HURTS. Please let it go quickly. Please let everyone just get off the train at the next stop and leave you in peace.

A seat opens up and you snatch it as quickly as possible. You hold your bag in your lap and squeeze it as tightly as your eyes. You’d hide under the seat if you could, and if it didn’t smell like piss. You try not to breathe. You try not to hear. You try not to think. Most of all, you try not to cry. You try to keep the frantic shaking to a minimum. Hold in those tears. You’re an adult. You don’t cry on the metro. YOU CAN DO THIS.

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The rest can be found here: http://crowdedhead.blog.com/2012/11/01/the-meltdown/

it's like a computer systems crash; my brain systems just stop working - I lock up