Page 2 of 3 [ 33 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next

League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 27,205
Location: Pacific Northwest

17 May 2013, 1:33 pm

Wandering_Stranger wrote:
nessa238 wrote:

Are any of your other friends also friends with this person or have they met him? If so what do they think of him?

Have your parents met him and if so what do they think of him?


As mentioned before, we met at an Autism support group, which has a Facebook group. We have some mutual friends on there. I have a friend who doesn't really like him - not helped because the branch officer of the support group wrote on the group page that all meetings are cancelled until further notice, which he kicked off about and was being really childish.

My parents haven't met him.

He claims that I'm his best friend - do people really treat their "best friends" this way? My only concern now is turning up to the Autism group and him being there. I am tempted to email the branch officer and inform her about what's gone on.



You should do that so they know both sides to the story. Hearing one side is never the whole story because there are always two sides to it.


_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses.


Wandering_Stranger
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Apr 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,261

18 May 2013, 4:59 am

The meetings were cancelled because the branch officer was ill and there was no-one to cover the meetings.

I've now emailed the branch officer. I explained the situation and said I was making her aware of what was going on; but any help would be appreciated.



nessa238
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jul 2011
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,908
Location: UK

18 May 2013, 5:56 am

Wandering_Stranger wrote:
The meetings were cancelled because the branch officer was ill and there was no-one to cover the meetings.

I've now emailed the branch officer. I explained the situation and said I was making her aware of what was going on; but any help would be appreciated.


That's good that you've informed her


_________________
'Sentimentality is a superstructure covering brutality' C.G Jung


Wandering_Stranger
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Apr 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,261

18 May 2013, 2:50 pm

My dad and sister are now aware of what's going on. I've been told that he should be reported to Facebook for this.

Thankfully, he doesn't know where I live. Unfortunately, I have to walk past his at least twice a week. There is another way, (which I will go) which takes longer and not a way I like going.

I am really dreading the next meeting (May 30th) with the Autism group. No idea what he's going to do.



nessa238
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jul 2011
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,908
Location: UK

18 May 2013, 5:04 pm

Wandering_Stranger wrote:
My dad and sister are now aware of what's going on. I've been told that he should be reported to Facebook for this.

Thankfully, he doesn't know where I live. Unfortunately, I have to walk past his at least twice a week. There is another way, (which I will go) which takes longer and not a way I like going.

I am really dreading the next meeting (May 30th) with the Autism group. No idea what he's going to do.


That's good that you've told your family about him - the more people you make aware of the situation the better

Can't you get the bus or something to where you need to go twice a week?

Do you have other people you are friends with at the Autism group?

If so, you could perhaps arrange to meet up with them before the meeting so you can go to it together
and perhaps confide in them that you are a bit wary of him so you can feel more supported

There's no way you should be made to feel inhibited by his bad behaviour - he's the one with the problem, not you


_________________
'Sentimentality is a superstructure covering brutality' C.G Jung


Wandering_Stranger
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Apr 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,261

19 May 2013, 4:20 am

Unless I take a detour into town, there's no other way to go.

I am friends with most people in the group. Unfortunately, I don't have that much contact (for various reasons) with them.



Popsicle
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 May 2006
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,574

19 May 2013, 5:07 am

Sounds like a stalker, you should report this to some authority you trust and also get advice how to handle it. It could escalate.

Also tell the leader of any groups you have in common, privately, what is going on.

Ask him to get some help to deal with his obsession.



nessa238
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jul 2011
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,908
Location: UK

19 May 2013, 6:06 am

Wandering_Stranger wrote:
Unless I take a detour into town, there's no other way to go.

I am friends with most people in the group. Unfortunately, I don't have that much contact (for various reasons) with them.


Take the risk that he won't be looking out his window the exact time you go past them - it's highly unlikely in my opinion

Just attend the group and see how it goes. If he does anything you don't like, tell the group organiser the minute he starts


_________________
'Sentimentality is a superstructure covering brutality' C.G Jung


nessa238
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jul 2011
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,908
Location: UK

19 May 2013, 6:08 am

Popsicle wrote:
Sounds like a stalker, you should report this to some authority you trust and also get advice how to handle it. It could escalate.

Also tell the leader of any groups you have in common, privately, what is going on.

Ask him to get some help to deal with his obsession.


I wouldn't advise communicating with him at all - it will only encourage him

He does not sound aware enough to be able to acknowledge that he's got a probelm let alone put in place a solution

Getting the group leader to speak to his support worker/therapist would be a better idea


_________________
'Sentimentality is a superstructure covering brutality' C.G Jung


WestBender84
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 25 Apr 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 132

19 May 2013, 6:48 pm

nessa238 wrote:
How is he contacting you?

By Phone - hang up

By text - delete it

by email - block him

in person - shut the door and contact the police


If you respond to him you are basically encouraging him

Simple enough - ignore any communications he sends

As for asking support workers/support group etc to arrange meet up between you to sort things out -
just say he's stalking and harrassing you and you don't want anything to do with him (If that is indeed the case)
and just don't attend anything arranged - it's your perfect right not to engage with any of it

The fact you seem to still want to be friends with him is very confusing to me

Etiher you want contact with him and all the hassle that evidently goes with it or you don't - you need to make a choice


Cut to the chase and just tell him that you'll call the police if he makes any attempt at communication. He'll otherwise never get the message, esp. if he's on the AS. Although the cops will probably only warn him, the visit should startle him plenty. That should be enough, and any violation after that would be seriously punished in court.


_________________
AS and NT people annoy me about equally.
||| 120/200 AS ||| 80/200 NT |||
These scores do NOT constitute a medical diagnosis and are provided for entertainment and discussion purposes only.


Wandering_Stranger
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Apr 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,261

20 May 2013, 7:52 am

Thanks. I spoke to my dad and my sister was in the room. She said that I need to report him to Facebook. Their stupid rule means that I can't block him until tonight. Thankfully, he's made no attempt to contact me.

He seems to have admitted that he has a problem. well, his words were " i thought since have obsession with some one yo would uderstand obviously not". All he knows is that I have an obsession with another person on the spectrum. He (and everyone else) doesn't know the full situation.

There is meant to be an unofficial meet up on Thursday (because the meetings have been cancelled, some people have decided that they want to meet up) and I'm not sure whether I should go to that because of him.

On the other hand, I can't stay away from this group forever because of him.



Wandering_Stranger
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Apr 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,261

16 Jun 2013, 6:01 pm

Update:

I was aware that he'd posted on the group website that he was having problems with someone (me) but didn't mention my name.

On Thursday, we were at the support group and he pretty much publicly announced that it was me. :x He put me in a really difficult situation. He asked if I minded if people knew and I felt under pressure to say yes.



RaspberryFrosty
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 5 Dec 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 299
Location: Eugene, OR

16 Jun 2013, 9:40 pm

Was your branch officer any help at all?


_________________
Officially diagnosed with nonverbal learning disability, social anxiety disorder, and dsythymic disorder.


Popsicle
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 May 2006
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,574

17 Jun 2013, 1:54 am

No it does not sound like you are being unreasonable.

It sounds like he's desperate to hang onto you for whatever reason. Maybe he thinks he can't make another friend or he is in love with you. Your gender is not clear to me in your post but he could have fallen in like or love with you regardless of genders.

It may actually benefit you to make others in authority aware of the problem. Also, document when and how often and how he contacts you and what was said by him etc.

If you ever have to pursue this as a stalking situation that documentation will then be invaluable.

I am hoping that if you do go and talk to authorities such as even the ones he mentioned, that they will talk to him and persuade him to leave you alone.

ETA: I've just read your update, the rest of my advice still stands however. I would worry less about being embarrassed at this point and more about stopping what is a progression of stalking behaviors on his part, is my advice, though I don't want to scare you. There is still time I think for it to be turned around. He has to be convinced stopping bothering you is also for HIS own good - which it is.



Beej
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jun 2013
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 38
Location: Sheffield, UK

17 Jun 2013, 4:08 am

I was recently in a similar situation. I was friends with a guy that was pretty much the only person I would socialise with. I'd stop at his house maybe once a month, his family were myvsecobd family, we got along well but he would contact me far too much during the times we weren't together and it was very suffocating. Recently we went for a drink and when he was drunk he confessed that he wanted to date me and I politely declined and told him that I wasn't interested in being in any relationship and that I didn'tsee him as anything more than a friend
Later that night he text me threatening to kill himself if I didn't go out with him, threatened to turn up to where I worked and fillow me around, generally because very scary and creepy. I knew I was safe on the physical front because I knew if he every tried to attack me I could defend myself against him easily, but it was still a very scary situation due to the crazy thongs he was saying and the way he was threatening me. I ended up having to block his phone number, his Facebook, Twitter, and my step dad text him to get him to leave me alone because he was scaring me. I didn't hear anything for a while but he recently emailed me telling me he had tried to commit suicide and that it was my fault - but I know he is lying as he is a compulsive liar and his family would have contacted me if that had happened. The best thing to do, imho, before it escalates, is to sever the connections if you feel like you are being harassed. Most network providers don't let you block a person's number without police intervention, but if you have a smart phone you can download apps that make it impossible for them to contact you. (I have a Blackberry - I downloaded PhoneWarrior) Make sure any mutual friends are informed of what has happened too so there are no obligations for you two to see each other again through other people.

The most important thing to remember is that you are not responsible for whatever happens to him. You are entitled to your own space and privacy and if he is being too invasive then it is your choice whether you want him out of your life or not. You are not responsible for his actions from there on, do not allow yourself to feel guilt over his well being. Emotional blackmail is very damaging and in the end, if he cared, he wouldn't do that to you. If you are very worried that he will not respect your boundaries then contact the police. Good luck.



Wandering_Stranger
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Apr 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,261

17 Jun 2013, 5:48 am

Beej - that's awful. :(

I should point out that I'm female.

Worryingly, he's the second person to do this with me this year. I'd made the mistake of giving someone my mobile number and said (he asked) I'd go for coffee with him on the Saturday. He wouldn't leave me alone and I had to ask him 3 times to stop it and we can't meet up. (because of that and my plans had changed) The next (and last) time I saw him, he wouldn't leave me alone. Apparently, he's done this to other people before.

The branch officer wasn't there on Thursday. She's still not well and someone else is taking over her role until she's better.

I think he's now thinking that we can be friends and go back to the way things were before. We can't. I don't want to be friends with someone who sends me messages all the time and then moans because I either don't respond straight away or because he's told no.