Trouble forming opinions and making decisions

Post Reply New Topic

I was wondering if this is autistic symptom and how you deal with it.
I think this is one of my biggest weaknesses and it seems to be the root of a lot my problems.

I hate wasting so much time trying to make up my mind about things like choosing topics for assignments at school, choosing what to have for lunch, which route I should take to get home etc. I'm always paranoid I'm making the wrong decision so I have to think about all the implications of the decision and compare it to all my other options. Sometimes if I can't see one option as better than the other I start thinking really abstractly and think up lots of weird possibilities until I can find something which sets the one option apart. If I'm not given enough time to make up my mind I freak out and get really stressed.

When it comes to forming opinions on things like movies, ethical issues, life events (like when someone asks me how my birthday was) I find my mind is blank when I try to form some kind of opinion. There are just so many things you can take into consideration and so many ways you can view things. It's really annoying because most conversations are based on sharing opinions and whenever I can't form an opinion on something I can't contribute to the conversation.

Just out of curiosity, do you have difficulty experiencing emotions or being able to understand them when you do?

Anyway, I experience problems like this. Too many options (sometimes too many can be "two") can lock me up badly because I don't know what to do and even if I favor one choice or another, sometimes I get stuck because I don't know what will happen if I choose either.

As far as favorites go, it is very difficult for me to list favorites for a lot of things. There are categories of things I like (video games, science fiction, etc) but if you ask me for a favorite I cannot really give you an answer. There is one exception to this, but while I remember describing the exception I can't seem to connect it to what the exception was. Weird.

I think that some degree of decision-making difficulty comes from hypoemotionality, at least for me. Because if I can't figure out which alternative I want, then I get stuck and can't just pick one. I have to create explicit decision trees so if I can't make a decision I turn to a default. This is mostly for eating.

This sort of thing runs my life. I have so much trouble with it.

Food, activities, music, leaving the house, grocery shopping... anything that requires making decisions and forming a solid opinion of something, I'm hopeless. My mom used to hate taking me to the video game store because I would stand and consider every interesting title for ever, and half the time, leave with nothing because I couldn't make up my mind.

The real problem is that I have an extremely hard time with this when in an emotional situation or concerning situation.

Last year, I was waiting at a bus stop in a city I had never been in before. My friend that I was visiting left me at the stop ten minutes before the bus came because she had to go to work. I stood there alone, with my headphones in, just waiting for the bus. This was a neighborhood known for its violent crime, so I was a bit scared to be by myself, even if my friend had given me her pepper spray "just in case." Well, a few minutes after my friend left, this guy started gesturing at me from across the street. I ignored him, hoping he'd give up and leave me alone. He crossed the street and started hovering around me (well within five feet) and asking me if I wanted to go "party" with him. I said no, and stood there staring at the ground. I was feeling very uncomfortable because he was at one point, circling me and bumping into me. I stood there, completely locked up mentally (non-verbal,) not knowing whether I should tell him to go away, walk away, call the police, threaten to do so, pepper spray him... when my bus came, he spat on me (literally) and walked off. I was so shaken up that I got myself lost trying to get home (four hours away by bus) and called my roommate in a panic.

I don't go to unfamiliar places anymore, and definitely do not feel comfortable going anywhere alone. I really need to learn how to do these things.

That makes sense, like if I don't have a strong like or dislike to anything then I have to make a decision by thinking it out logically.

That sounds interesting ^

yeah i do have the same problem unfortunatly, i take as long as 20min sometimes to decide what i want for lunch, sometimes i get caught in a loop where i always have the same thing even though i dont want what im eating.

it makes me anxious to decide things to quickly, people seem to make split second decisions that i cannot do, for example a friend asked me to go to london on the day he wanted to go, how in the world does anyone decide on the same day to go somewhere on that day, i have to run through it first so i need at leasts a days warning

I can relate.

I tend to eat what the people I'm with are eating (often handing them the money so they can order for me).
I spend too long browsing stores and can't decide if I do or don't want to buy something after it catches my attention. CD stores cost me a lot of time!

The area in which this is most problematic for me is as a competitive chess player.
In each tournament game both players start with a set amount of time (typically 90 minutes, plus 30 seconds for each move made). I'm always getting low on time because of the difficulty making decisions. My intuition has always been good because of fast pattern recognition - the ideas just jump out at me. Also, my calculation is reasonably fast and can penetrate deep into the situation. Still, I tend to repeat the same calculation over and over for a while, or a set of possible choices, even when one stands out and seems to work well. This is one of the biggest problems holding me back from significantly better results! I've had good positions against the best players in my country only to lose because of the pressure of running low on time.

I think confidence can be a big factor for most of this but it's been pretty consistent even at the best of times.

Oh opinions. I hate making those.

The main problem is HOW to word them to make them sound less... well, ret*d. Especially when you have to admit that you hate a video but can't figure out how to say it.

Believe me, I just went through that on one YouTube video a few minutes ago.

Yes, and it drives me crazy and is the root of my depression. It interferes with shopping, deciding what to cook, deciding how to go about applying for jobs, etc... makes virtually everything in my life so much more of a chore than it should be. I'm surprised this symptom isn't even mentioned much in autism literature. Everything is about "social skills".

I feel I must embark on a journey of some sort to break out of this constant inertia. I need to find a way to discover myself and be able to act without constant trepidation and hesitation. NTs get confused and think it's simply a matter of overcoming anxiety, but there is something more to it than that. I think we just live in a world where the best things are going to be serendipitous. Some people thrive on this and others hate it. I have trouble acting and making an arbitrary choice without seeing the outcome ahead of me and this gets me constantly stuck. There's a strong sense of self-consciousness and identity-insecurity involved as well with me. I don't know how to explain it to other people.

This seems familar....

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt226992.html (Are you decisive?)

I think that people have to reach a point, and it differs for everyone based on temperment and circumstances, where the costs of a wrong decision are balanced against the costs of indecision.