Disclosure - Good Idea or Not?

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It seems as time passes, people are noticing my quirks and eccentricities more and more. A lady the other day asked why I don't talk and said "well I know autistic people don't talk much" which I never disclosed. Another person, who is basically a female dog, got all bent over the fact that I could do a changeover after only watching it done once but didn't get how to do paperwork for incomplete lots. A part of me wanted to tell her, but I didn't.
I know that if I ever disclosed, it wouldn't be kept private. The whole place would know. I guess I'm afraid that if I did disclose, I would either lose my job because they would claim it would be unsafe to let me work with the machines or some other made up reason, or everything I do would be viewed in the scope of autism, which would be equally demeaning. I really wouldn't want someone saying that they're are so surprised that an autistic person can do this or that.

Should I say anything or should I just keep my mouth shut and be the quiet weird guy?
Do any of you have experience with disclosing your autism? How did it go?

I've told people, including my family, that I've been professionally diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. They don't believe it. They think I'm trying to create an excuse for my failures or something. They doubt I'm autistic because I don't resemble those exaggerated ones on TV and the movies (Adam, Rain Man, whomever).

I have told people and it is very freeing. I don't have to pretend to be normal, can say what is on my mind no matter how bizarre, but then I don't really care about how others see me, just that they trust my abilities. I am exceptional at my job and that earns me a measure of respect. So the response is more like "Oh, you're autistic. That explains why you say weird stuff like 'Wouldn't it be embarrassing to be attacked by a giraffe?' "

Not.

People don't seem to understand what AS is, and don't seem interested in learning. This is exemplified by my former GP telling me that I could not possibly have AS, "... because you don't wet the bed, play with fire, or torture helpless animals". Most of the rest of the world seems to think that we're either "Rainmen", "Slingblades", potential mass-murderers, idiot savants, "ret*ds", schizophrenics, musical geniuses, or mathematical wizards - and they don't care to know the truth!

I've thought of "coming out" to my family, co-workers, and people at church, but the way they treat me already is not very pleasant - and I would not want to put my lovely wife through the misery and frustration of being married to someone whom no one else understands. Let them think that I'm "eccentric", and leave it at that.

No ... disclosure is NOT a good idea (imo).

Very few people I know IRL know that I have AS.
But people who know it all believe me.
I guess my traits are evident, after all.

If people are assuming the worst of you due to symptoms, i.e., you're aloof and detached, and people start to think negative things about you, then it's good to let them know why you're like this (so they don't blame you).

I let people know why it is that I ignore them so they don't think the worst of me. People like a reason.

I told my wife recently, she was like "oh so thats why....litany of observations by her those she knows".

Seems I wasn't doing as good a job of passing as I thought

I would never ever disclose to others though, I'm deathly afraid of being written off as the "ret*d" or the autistic guy, I HATE HATE HATE being patronized or condescended to and I'm afraid it would become a 24/7 thing if I disclosed. Everyone would just write me off and view me as "other".

If you dont have to I dont see why one should disclose it. It will only be used against you.

The thing about disclosure is that it seems to be all about context, which can make it tricky for an aspie. When disclosing, you have to think about how well a person knows you and whether a person has picked up on your traits or not. If they are someone you see often or know very well AND they suspect something is up with you, by all means disclose.

What really annoys me is people who disclose very openly or publically to others when they aren't in an autism related context...I think there is a danger in that because people can come to quick conclusions in their mind about labels that aren't true (i.e. being aspie means that you're like Sheldon, from the Big Bang Theory, that you're going to be like Adam Lanza etc.). Though this is getting better as awareness of AS is growing, I don't think we are at a level where most people accept it yet. When people get to know you more and see that you're an individual, they will be more willing to understand your behaviors.

OP: my guess is that some people have already figured out that there is something "off" about you...one person has already figured out that you're on the spectrum. It would be a good idea to disclose to this person. It would also be a good idea to disclose to a manager at work, provided that you explain how Aspergers affects you. I feel the biggest mistake people make is just saying "I have AS, it's a mild form of autism" and leave it at that. You have to say HOW it affects you personally (i.e. in the case of the OP, he has "splinter skills": is very good at some tasks and worse at others). Every person with AS is different, so you have to show them what you struggle with.

I don't worry about it anymore. If people ask I just say I have Aspergers. I always find honesty is great because it gives people the opportunity to learn something new such as Asperger's and high functioning autism.

This is what you’ll get for being open:

Having everything that makes you AS used against you, including mockery and trying to set off your sensory issues for kicks.
Being spoken to and treated as if you suddenly dropped 100 in IQ.
People trying VERY hard to act as if nothing has changed, while they struggle to act normal around you, failing miserably.
People being extremely uncomfortable around you now that you suddenly have label.
Your input will be less valued, after all no one seriously asks the opinion of a child or a ret*d. Everything you do is now wrong when it’s on accord on how they do it. Same goes for opinions and values and so on.
Everything you say and do will be seen in relation of your AS.
People will watch you for this or that behavior that they connect with AS or have learnt is connected to AS.
Someone might see and treat you as a Cause.
Some will bombard you with questions (and don’t think they’ll be the least sensible).

So my advice: Keep quiet about it. Lie if you have to. Better to be seen as weird, eccentric and/or rude.
I have no interest in educating people about ASDs and don't wish to be a poster girl.

I will never ever ever tell anyone about it IRL.

Last edited by Skilpadde on 04 May 2013, 12:38 am, edited 1 time in total.

"...trying to set off your sensory issues for kicks."

My dad used to do this until my mother yelled at him for it.

I, myself, am more likely to disclose it than not. If anyone thinks any less of me because of it they can honestly f**k off. If they make a super sudden change to how they're acting as opposed to trying to get used to the new information that they learned, they're honestly someone that past experience tells me I don't want to be around in the first place.

I choose not disclose it unless I am absolutely comfortable with someone. I find that it backfires when I tell anyone about it in most cases. They automatically begin to treat me differently or like I have a disease or like I am rainman. They already know I am "weird", I prefer to just let them think I am eccentric and leave it alone. They recently hired another Aspie at work and he told everyone in his interview and is very open about it. Everyone talks about him in the breakroom like he is handicapped. He gets special treatment and considerations. I guess it is personal preference but I prefer (at least in a professional environment) to fly under the radar and not have everyone make false assumptions about my condition. Maybe my co-worker's preference is to put himself in the position he is in (to be treated like he is "different" or "special"). To each his own.

I will disclose to anyone I'm going to be spending a non-trivial amount of time with. I can't possibly be any more stigmatised than I already am without telling people so why not? I'm well equipped enough to embarass, belittle or argue down nearly anybody who attempts to belittle or discriminate against me on this basis. Even when applying for jobs (note: I haven't applied for a job since being diagnosed late last year) I will be telling people because in my country if you have a "disability" potential employers cannot refuse you an interview. Out of all the interviews I've been to I've only failed to get the job once so I'm actually choosing to see my diagnosis as an advantage in finding future employment.

edit: Another thing I've considered is that I am quite well spoken and eloquent in person at my best, I like the idea I might change a few people's minds about AS/autism by engaging with people about the idea. I'm ready for any negative effects this might have and frankly don't really care, I've been as low as it is possible for me to go so not much anyone can say or do right now can affect me too badly.

I'm completely open about my diagnosis. I don't go around telling every person but I will not hide it.

I disclose.

I debated disclosing during an interview for a volunteer position, and ended up not doing so because of time - I was going to disclose on a positive note not a negative one and that would have taken time, and the person interviewing me asked questions of my references about my ASD. She noticed without me disclosing and knew what the diagnosis was.

I've never had a negative experience in person because of disclosure.

I have had positive experiences because of disclosure, at multiple levels.