Can the average NT tell people with ADHD and an Aspie apart?

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I'm not planning to tell people I have Asperger's. I'm pretty ashamed of my Asperger's and I'm hoping I will outgrow most of my symptoms. I do try to act normal, but there is one problem. When I'm anxious I tend to move around a lot. I typically pace or run. I try to avoid autistic looking stims and replace it with normal looking fidgeting. I think people notice that I'm a bit odd. If someone ever asks what diagnosis I have I'm planning to tell them I have ADHD and anxiety. I really do have a diagnosis for anxiety and I suspect I have ADHD.

Out of curiosity...why are ADHD and anxiety more "acceptable" to you? My son with ADHD is vastly more impaired than my daughter with autism. And people are more prone to think that his ADHD is a motivational issue. And "anxiety" can be seen as mental weakness (not saying I think that, but others might). You could always say "not every quirky person has a diagnosis. I'm quirky." which is 100% true and does not entail sharing anything personal with anyone. It states the obvious. You do not owe them your confidence if you are not comfortable sharing.

I have the same question...why is ADHD acceptable while AS is not?
To answer your question, while ADHD and AS can look similar, a NT with a trained eye probably would be able to tell the difference.
Some average NTs I suppose would also "smell out" the difference even thought they can't find a word for it.
Just take the person to a social occasion and the difference (usually) would be obvious.
Hope I helped.

I think ADHD is generally seen as a slight variation from the norm, while people on the spectrum seem to be seen as a different species if you know what I mean. No one has asked me any questions yet, but I bet a lot of people are wondering why I move around so much.

According to my psychologist (a specialist in AS), ADHD is a very common misdiagnosis for females with AS.

So some NTs - psychologists, no less - do have a hard time telling ADHD apart from AS - and these are supposed to be people with a "trained eye".

no, not really .ADHD was my primary diagnosis for 12 years and through two dozen mental health professionals.None of the MDs or PHDs seemed to be able to tell the difference.Most normal people have even less knowledge and are completely ignorant in regard to mental health so you should be able to fool anyone as long as your symptoms are not extremely obvious.

I feel the same way, Devilkisses. For me AS is no longer an explanation or an identity, it’s a source of shame and grief. I don’t have ADHD but I suspect I have ADD and I would be willing to admit that to people, (especially in a job environment in order for them to understand why I need silence to concentrate). My worst sensory issue is food, so beyond concentration sounds and lights shouldn’t be a problem, and maybe I can explain my quietness with being shy. I'm not but that doesn't matter.

InThisTogether, because of the associations and stigma: Retardation, hopeless cases, institutions, refrigerator moms, banging their heads against the wall, not able to speak, idiot savants, severe rocking, non-functional, either silent or screaming their heads off, brain damage etc
Who wants to be associated with such things, no matter how far they are from your personal reality? I’m not proud of having a sick brain. I prefer no one knows its poor condition. I wish it had connections where they are supposed to be. I don’t wanna be one of “those people”, and I want to be known as one even less. Sorry, but that’s how I feel.

I don't believe the stigma will change until people start seeing proof that it is not true. I don't think it will change until people stop behaving like/believing it is something to be ashamed of.

I get what you are saying, Skilpaddle, insofar as not wanting people to make assumptions about you based on stereotypes that don't fit you. What I don't get, is that following the logic you seem to be following, if one claims to have ADHD or anxiety instead, you are still claiming to have a "sick brain" as you put it. But it seems you are saying that ADHD and anxiety are more "socially acceptable" forms of "sick." Yet, when I hear ADHD and anxiety, I have known many people who would immediately think "get over yourself" because they think that neither of those things are "real" but are just excuses people use. So, people may just make a different set of assumptions that don't fit you.

Think of it this way. Would you rather people treat you like you're human or not. In the past a lot of people treated me like I was not a human being after they found out about my diagnosis. I will not tell people about it just to educate more people. I don't think that me telling other people will educate that many people so I simply don't think it's worth telling a few people just so they'll be "educated" about Asperger's. So far I haven't told anyone about any diagnosis. I'm only going to tell them I have ADHD if I have a very good reason or they directly ask me. So far none of this things have happened.

I am ashamed of having AS, but as I've got older I've realised that I can't get away with passing off to be a complete NT, but I don't appear Aspie enough to have the AS be recognised, so I have told a few people that I have ADHD. For some reason I don't find ADHD as embarrassing as AS. I don't know why. It's probably I'm a ''the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence'' person, so conversely if I was born with and diagnosed with ADHD, I would most probably be tired and fed up with having that as a label and prefer to tell everyone I have AS or something .

But I think it depends on how you are as a person. I just hope NTs don't stereotype ADHD with ''someone who is extroverted, silly, and bounces off the walls''. Because I am shy, timid and introverted around most people. I don't think they do, and probably view my minor oddities as part of my ''ADHD'' then think nothing else of it. It's better than making out to be completely NT then having everyone assuming I'm just weird because of my oddities that sometimes creep out in my personality. I'm quite lucky because I'm not a geek or a nerd, and I don't dress like one either.

I think most people blow off ADHD and say something like "In my day that was called hyperactivity. Stop eating so much sugar." They don't think it's a real diagnosis.

I'm not ashamed of Aspergers at all. Some of the most brilliant people have AS. Clearly, they can see I'm not ret*d or banging my head against the wall. I'm getting straight As in my college classes and tutoring my classmates. My only hesitation with telling people is I don't want special treatment, I want to pull my own weight just like everyone else.

people who think adhd is just a extrovert/hyper personality type have never met my husband before. he have adhd and its not just a case of being a hyper extrovert. he is more than that, his condition affect his co-ordination, train of thought, intellectual skills, and even social skills. but he does not have enough symptoms to be meet the autism criteria.

saying adhd only makes someone hyper a bit like saying autism only affects the persons social skills and otherwise they are normal, which isnt true. there are other symptoms that most autistics exhibit that have nothing to do with the social part of their lives.

adhd is more intresting than it looks, maybe you could research about it more.

I suspect I have ADHD because of my hyperactivity, not being organized, trouble getting tasts started, lack of motivation, short attention span on boring stuff, getting bored easily and creativity. Interestingly "hyperfocus" is listed as a symptom of ADHD. I also have hyperfocus, but I think that is mostly caused by the ASD. I probably got up seven times when I was writing this.

Well, they’ll have to see that from someone else than me. I will never become a poster girl for ASDs. There’s no way I’m putting myself through that. Even without negative reactions, I still don’t want anyone to know. I once told a former classmate. She couldn’t have been nicer about it. In fact, she said she appreciated it and she told me a few things she hasn’t mentioned before, things of very personal and private matter, so it really couldn’t have gone better. Nevertheless, it didn’t take me long to regret it. No, she didn’t treat me badly or share it with anyone (AFAIK), but the very fact that she knows this sensitive piece of information bugs me. I also fear that if I’m with her and we meet up with others we know from the past, that she’ll slip and mention something I don’t want to be common knowledge. Something I’m not sharing again.
Thank heavens there weren’t many people I could tell IRL, or all of Norway might have known by now!

Growing up, I knew I was different from other children; first of all I never knew what to say (still have that problem big time btw), and I knew I was somewhat different on the inside. But I never felt inferior, I felt their equal in every way. I felt different but 100% normal. I never ever suspected there was anything wrong with me.

When I heard of AS (in my mid or late 20’s), I thought it sounded like me, but when I learned that it was on the autism spectrum, I laughed it off. I wasn’t autistic! At 31 I accidentally came upon an AS quiz and scored high. I knew it was just a quiz but I looked it up anyway and was shocked how much the criteria and traits fitted me. Going to WP and other forums was the first time I felt I was in touch with people who reacted like me, and so I wanted to see a professional to find out if I was aspie. I felt like I was re-discovering my entire life, seeing everything in a new perspective.

I was very nervous about telling my family about it, especially the autism part. I started with traits and I called it NLD. Here you have to go to a GP in order for the doctor to refer you on to a psychiatrist who can assess you. My GP at the time was awesome, very easy to talk to and I was open about my fears including what to expect and what the shrink would do, and that I feared that this would be the final drop for my family. He asked if I had to say what it was, and I wanted to have the classification (I should have realized that it wouldn’t occur to my family to think of psychiatric diseases and their classifications and relations) and he was positive to me calling it NLD and said it might even be. He said that “autism is so…” and I agreed and was relieved he got it. He also said that I had to remember that nothing about me had changed. He was an awesome doc! So anyway I told my parents about the traits and symptoms, mentioned AS by name and said it was one of the NLDs. They took it so well and were so supportive that I finally told them the entire truth, that AS is an ASD. I asked my mother what autism meant to her and she said “people it’s hard to reach”, so she was okay with it, and didn’t know about the worst stereotypes and false beliefs (like refrigerator moms and vaccines; I was so afraid she’d blame herself. She has never been cold towards me, but I got all the vaccines recommended and I was afraid it would devastate her, but she hadn’t even heard about that theory.) I have been very lucky with the family I was born into!
I was dx’ed early in 2009, and at first I was relieved about being dx’ed, having an explanation for why I was different and how well my family had taken it. I identified with being aspie, I felt I had found my own people and accepted it as explanation and identity. I also worked hard to overcome my anger issue and put certain past events behind me. At that point when people would bring up points I have brought up in this thread, I would say that people could say what they wanted, if they couldn’t take it, they could stick it. I felt entitled, I had the right to be me all the way, I needn’t adapt in any way. They had to accept me exactly as I am. I have done some growing up since then, partly thanks to posts by some people here; one thread in particular comes to mind. Thank you to those who have contributed to that; I’m finally growing up. I’m becoming less emotionally immature and while it’s painful, it’s a step in the right direction. So I am grateful for that.

For the last 2 years or so (I’m not entirely sure when it began to change, it happened gradually), I have entered a second phase that has only grown stronger. I have started doubting everything about myself. Everything. In my pre-AS knowledge days I knew I was capable of going to USA alone and I did so without a hitch. Now I don’t believe myself capable of going to the mailbox alone, because I’m autistic (exaggerated but not by much). In my pre-AS knowledge days I knew I had problems talking to people because I very seldom could come up with things to say, and if I did have something to say, I couldn’t follow up on it beyond that. I still can’t, but the difference is that although I could feel awkward around people when I desperately tried to think of something to say, I never felt like a ret*d person talking to a superior. Now I do. I can’t even say hi to a neighbor anymore without feeling like an autistic person talking to a norm. I’ll get anxious and can’t get away soon enough. I never used to be like that. I never even felt awkward about such interactions. Now I do. Now it seems unthinkable to exchange words with anyone. I’m not kidding. I feel that nervous now. I have never suffered from social anxiety and I don’t think I have it now either, because SA is about being afraid of people judging you. I’m not thinking about that, I’m the one judging me. I’m the one psyching me out. But I’m as anxious as someone with SA now. ALL interactions make me want to flee. In theory I know my abilities haven’t changed, but that’s not how I feel. A day doesn’t go by now when I don’t feel inferior, ret*d, worthless, grieving the loss of normalcy. Thank heavens I got to experience what it feels like to be normal before my life was ruined. I am very thankful I didn’t lose all hope at an earlier age. I wish I had never learned of AS.
At this point I feel sick just mentioning the A word. I feel like disassociating myself from everything even loosely connected to it. And IRL I do.

And this is just me, my reaction. There are so many very good reasons to never reveal my AS status. I’ve listed a bunch of them already. I don’t wanna repeat them, this post is already turning into a tl;dr Just look at the keeping AS secret thread in the social skills section if you wish to read the list.
Suffice to say, no matter how I will feel about it in the future, I will never expose myself to that. I will never be a poster girl for autism. Maybe someday people will slowly start to see us differently, but it will be very hard to get there. I’m not convinced we can. We’re not like gays who just happen to love someone of the same sex, this isn’t like the women’s rights movement. We really are different. We could be a different people. We give off vibes that are very off. I think we sometimes even trigger uncanny valley effect. It takes very special people to accept us. I don’t wish to fight that fight, I do not covet the limelight. I cannot face that fight over and over. I just wanna live my life as best I can without special attention.


Yeah, there are plenty of stereotypes that don’t fit me. It’s not just about the stereotypes, though. It’s about having something like that in the first place. Period.
When I went to the psychiatrist there were two women at the bus stop. I watched them with a very sinking feeling in my gut. One of them was significantly mentally challenged, the other was odd and off. I thought “is that the kind of people I’m supposed to feel connected to know?”. I felt no kinship whatsoever.
Psychiatric diagnoses carry stigma and shame. And I don’t blame people for feeling that way, because I understand it. I’m no different myself. I’m on both sides of the fence, so I get it. I’ve already mentioned how I feel about it. Here’s the other side:
One aspie stereotype is that we don’t see differences. I do.(oh boy, I’ll be hanged for this!) I’ve never been comfortable around disabled people. I’m not able to treat them like everyone else. Not even with physical stuff like blindness or people in wheelchair. I know it’s just about their legs/spine/eyes, but I’m uncomfortable and can’t end the interaction quickly enough and have never been able to act natural around them. Don’t get me started on things like Down’s syndrome! I’ve known two people with it and the feeling of being uncomfortable and unnatural increased off the scale. The worst by far for me is schizophrenia. There was someone here who had it. She was middle aged and the reason I knew her at all was that she lived nearby and had a dog. She came up with some really wild conspiracy stuff and was committed for a while and put on medication and when she took them she didn’t come up with more conspiracies, but when she stopped taking them, the stories were back big time. I don’t know if it was her schizophrenia or her meds but she had a smile that was just wrong. It made her look like someone posing as a human. (That wasn’t just my aspieness not reading correctly, I asked my mother and she had the same reaction to that smile). I never felt safe around her, and when I met her, I always made very sure to keep facing her and not turn my back on her. I never trusted her to not suddenly hear a voice telling her to kill me. There have been several incidents where psychiatric patients have been told by voices to kill people. I avoided her whenever I could. Schizophrenic people scare me. People who are mentally ill, psychotic, seeing things that aren't there, can be a threat, and it doesn't matter how many of them aren't, to most people they are scary and something to avoid. I’m no exception to the rule. Knowing statistics doesn’t help. There have been incidents here where schizos have heard voices telling them to kill people on the tram, or a woman taking in the morning paper, or a doc. Those are the cases that matter to my safety.
So I get it.

Like DevilsKisses said, if you wanna be treated like a human, keep quiet about such things.


Yes, ADHD and anxiety are more socially acceptable than autism. Just like different typical physical diseases will set off different reactions (you will not elicit the same response if you tell people you have pneumonia vs if you tell them you have an STD), psychiatric conditions also have different degrees of acceptability and shame.
I know there are stigma connected to ADHD (over-diagnosed trend condition, criminal behavior), and I know children with ADHD can play wrong and so be ostracized as much as we can. But it’s far more common (3-5% or ca 1 in each classroom), and for many the condition becomes much milder as they grow older. And people with ADHD don’t give off ‘wrong’ vibes (at least not those I have known). Most of all they come off as extremely extraverted, and 60-70% of the population are extraverted so that is a plus for them really (unlike us who are mostly introverted and thus a minority; and a misunderstood one at that, as people think introverts are unhappy or shy). People with ADHD aren’t seen as ‘those’ kinds of people. You know the type of people that the grandparent generation would whisper about and refer to as “those kinds of people”.
I agree that there are people who look down on anxiety and see it as made up or exaggerated, or weakness. I think the same goes for depression. I don’t have to go further than my own family. When the wife of a distant relative developed severe anxiety (she didn’t dare leave the house, which to me at 12-13 was a hoot, a grown woman afraid of leaving her house for no real reason), my grandfather just blew it off and said “it’s just nerves” with a dismissive smile. Some anxiety jokes were made. Just for the record, the woman and her hubby wasn't there; they were just the topic of the conversation. I think anxiety also has the problem that is seen as (female) hysteria. But even so, anxiety and depression are definitely more socially acceptable than ASDs, to the point where it’s almost trendy in some middle class environments to be depressed or anxious and go to therapy. Don’t get me wrong, I know there are patients with depression and anxiety who suffer that people take a “get over it” approach.
Autism on the other hand gives off wrong vibes, have a lot of negative stereotypes and have recently been attempted linked to school shootings. (yes, the irony considering what I wrote about schizophrenia is not lost on me; yet it doesn’t change how I feel; same as anything anyone says about ASDs will not easily sway anyone).
I think schizophrenia will also have a way lower social acceptance.
All sick brains have some sort of prejudice or stereotype against them. But all sick brains are not created equal.

I agree that ASD can trigger the uncanny valley effect. This explains why the way a lot of people treat me is off. They probably see that something about me is off and subconciously adjust the way they treat me. Since I've been working harder to look normal I've been noticing this problem less and less. I still have that problem a bit. I'm seventeen right now and I hope by the time I reach adulthood this problem will stop. It would be cool if they did a study on this.

It depends what flavor of AS you have. Some AS people actually have ADHD as well, some look very ADHDish if you don't know what to look for, others are obviously weird in ways that have nothing to do with ADHD, and some come across mostly normal unless you know them well.