Do people keep bringing up your past errors?

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I'm guessing this happens from women more often - it's been that way to me

What I really despise is when somebody harps on past mistakes I've made, the subtext being that I should feel really bad about myself, when they don't offer any constructive criticism - just rubbing it in our faces. Now even I as an Aspie knew even before reading Dale Carnegie not to keep bringing up people's mistakes in the past, unless it was analogous to a course of action they were about to carry out in the present - then I could say "remember situation X that you handled in this way, and how it turned out - well situation Y is similar" - but usually I find myself on the receiving end of that, as neurotypicals are better equipped to use abstract patterning when recalling similar past events and how they should handle the present event, in relatively short time - it's a subconscious thought process, which for us is largely conscious and more error-prone. (Yes, I know, try explaining that to an NT and they'll accuse you of "making excuses" or "over-analyzing things"...and of course, "not learning" from our mistakes).

When somebody brings up a past mistake in a moment of frustration or emotional turmoil, I've trained myself to calmly (or as calmly as possible) reply, "I really don't see how your bringing that up going to improve things" or "yes, I regret the mistake, but it doesn't do any good to dwell on it - all I can do is learn from it the best that I can and move on." Clearly, you don't want to sound too flippant, but you also don't want to go too far the other way (black-and-white!) i.e. sounding wounded or agitated - for the latter, it could be especially "deadly" when you use it on one of those social predators with some personality disorder, who takes delight in "befriending" people then tearing them down and making them suffer psychologically (basically a bully, let's be straightforward!) - I learned the hard way that their strategy in constantly bringing up your errors was so that it would give them ammo if you ever confronted them about their intentionally bad behaviour, they could just use the glass houses argument and say "well, you have no basis to talk about such and such, after all the errors I told you about, so you have a lot to work on without criticizing other people" - they already poked the hole in our defences long ago.

For those "error resurrection specialists", best way to respond is to tell them that they should be a politician because they're obviously very adept at calling out other people's mistakes in their track records instead of promoting their own virtues. Let's face it, such people also have an integrity deficit, so the match is there. Of course, the context is limited in using this - can't be a current boss (or even co-worker), unless it's your last week there LOL

yes, people do rub past mistakes in my face, primarily to make me feel bad rather then offer any useful constructive insights.

Happened to me once; I tried to get a promotion at work and my boos brought up a small clerical error I'd made and forgotten ages previously. It irritated me because nothing was said about it at the time. I mean, I guess you could read into it that people are rubbing our weaknesses into our faces or trying to make us feel bad (which I think most people don't genuinely try to do consciously), but I always see those kinds of instances as learning experiences, even if that person doesn't tell me exactly how they think I should improve.

I think also that it's a matter of differing perspectives. One of the ways in which Aspies and NTs differ is that we're better at fluid intelligence (being able to see patterns and how they interact altogether); they're better at acquired intelligence (step-by-step, rote thinking).

Happens to me too, my father has continuously brought up when I would not stop throwing grass on a friends head when I was six each and every time I have been told to stop and have not done so.

Only when I talk to my relatives back east. They know all about my childhood and the terribly awkward time I had growing up. I guess it's their way of "getting back" at me for having left as soon as I could, and for having made something of myself without their help or hindrance.

I've had somebody tell me that I couldn't find my way around the mall one morning. Though this had absolutely nothing to do with Aspergers and more to do with the fact that I was woken up early in the morning, didn't have any breakfast and was simply in zombie mode. (Which is something that can and will happen to pretty much everybody if they haven't had breakfast and have to be somewhere in a hurry. Specially if you're not a morning person)

I kinda agree here. It happened to me recently when someone I know commented on how I did a few things wrong and was angry about it at the time and told me then and there, and yet we acknowledged it was wrong and moved past it. Hell, we even had good solutions with said problem that we liked.

I had a boss that did that. It is a form of verbal bullying.

Sorry I didn't get to read all of the OP's post, due to many distracting thoughts (as usual). People don't normally bring up past embarrassing errors of mine. Usually I bring them up myself. Sometimes when I'm going about doing some everyday thing, and then suddenly a memory springs up about something that happened way back at school, something I had forgotten for a few years, and I wonder how my mind just gave me that memory at such a random time. Then I start dwelling on it as though it happened yesterday.

I remember a couple of years ago my mum suddenly brought up something quite embarrassing I did when I was 10, and then started giving me a mild lecture about it. I didn't even remember doing it, and I'm sure I didn't care at the time, so I felt annoyed when she suddenly brought that up years later.

Kinda.

If no one sees me take my Ritalin, I'm accused of not taking it, because I had a habit of hiding it under the couch cushions.

When I WAS SIX!

I think this is related to the fact that NT tend to have an unbalanced view of us, they remember the negative but forget the positive. Also our lack of social or political power or currency means we are safe to openly criticize, whereas if we had social or political power and currency they would think twice and shut their mouth. With no status comes the fact that everyone feels safe dumping on you.

I can't tell you how many jobs and groups I have been in where my positive contributions no matter how vital would be assigned to "someone" but my minor faults were instantly and vividly recalled. Which of course just leads to me being kicked out.

^^ aww so sorry you have to take that stuff


- my Mother very often brings up the fact I gave up tennis lessons when I was 11 because she had to buy me a tennis racket which was expensive and I stopped going to the tennis school after one term (now we know why -AS. Instead, I spent my time hitting the wall with the ball instead but that didn't count in her mind).

My friends sometimes bring up the weird stuff I said or did, but we all just usually laugh about that.

What is wrong with getting lost? As long as you managed to find your way back again, was not hurt and did not panic and get upset, it is very amusing!

I once sent people the wrong way up the motorway for 30 miles because I was the navigator and didn't realise I was holding the map I was using upside down.

I also had a head on collision with a lamp post once in front of a bus queue full of people...who all giggled (on foot, not in a car, I don't drive myself).

I find both instances to be highly amusing, although the people i sent to Coventry (literally) when they wanted to go in the opposite direction were not as entertained by things as I was lol

No one was hurt at the end of the day and they were funny. Everyone seems to take everything so seriously these days. I mean people accuse me of being negative but they seem to be the ones who don't see any humour in anything. Then again my mum always did say my sense of humour was a bit on the weird side lol

And yes people do bring up my past mistakes...A LOT. They then get up set because I am somewhat amused by them instead of being ashamed. Well..sorry but some of them ARE funny.

Edited for typos...my typing is awful today. Sorry folks!

The trouble is, is that I don't believe I make errors, that's for other people to decide.

If they wish to remind me of what they think I've done wrong, I just laugh at them.

Personally, dwelling on a past mistake and using that as an argument for something current, especially when both sides have supposedly moved past it and used it as a learning experience, just doesn't hold up well to me.

yes like the 16 year old kid who "corrected" my post in the weight thread.