Traits that bring complaints
Besides hardly ever talking to anyone at the house since I'm discouraged from discussing my interests, I'd have to say the number-one thing I do and try to minimize is making several trips through the house to gather everything I need to go out or perform a household task. I've been doing this since myself or anyone can remember but lately it leads to being screamed at. As I mentioned, I'm working on trying to prepare myself better so I make fewer trips and it seems people believe I should be able to stop doing this overnight. What part of your condition seems to produce the most friction and why is it such a big deal to them? Is it just manipulative people claiming everyone but them has control issues?
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Let's go on out and take a moped ride, and all your friends will thing your brain is fried, but you can't live your life too dirty, 'cause in the the end you're born to go 30
Wow, you know, I've done that my whole life and never even thought about it. Never seemed to bother anyone much, but it has gotten me a reputation for being forgetful even though I'm really not at all, for most things. Didn't even consider that it might be part of AS.
I guess it does bother people around me, somewhat, because they think I'll just forget everything and they treat me a little worse for it.
For me the biggest thing is something in the way I talk, or in my face. Something I don't understand just seems to rub everyone the wrong way. Not everyone, because there are those that I get along with, but... It's weird. Something in my tone, and I get overwhelmed sometimes trying to think of the right thing to say when people I don't know well try to small talk. I've found ways to cope but sometimes, the words just tumble out all clunky and stuttering and it barely makes sense and I seem like an idiot. Blaah
AinsleyHarte
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: 14 Nov 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 181
Location: Seattle-ish.
I have an issue with being forgetful and needing to make several trips through the house to be fully prepared, but people haven't been complaining about it too much lately. I think they've gotten used to it.
The trait that has been getting complaints recently is the fact that I have to address people in written form (text/email/note/etc.) I become far too anxious speaking to people face to face and often forget what I am going to say (or cannot retain anything that is said to me) so I write notes to people. This is also the case for subjects I fear will turn into confrontations. I wrote a note to my friend's little sister when I discovered that she stole a pair of my underwear. I thought it was polite, yet to the point. "Please don't take my undergarments. Thank you." Apparently it was taken as hostile, because she was crying about it after she found it (I wasn't at home at the time, but her father told me.)
Other things that doesn't get complaints, but definitely gets comments, are my 'kitchen behaviors.' Apparently I act "strange" in the kitchen. Things like trying to take everything I need out of the refrigerator at once (stacking things in my arms,) pacing/flapping while waiting for food to cook, "inappropriate kitchen conversations" (I have no idea what those are,) and taking incredibly long to prepare meals.
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I wish I knew who I was before I was Me.
Aspie score: 180 / 200 - NT score: 25 / 200
Aloof: 112 / Rigid: 109 / Pragmatic: 117
AQ: 47
I talk to myself incessantly, whoever might be around, and sometimes what I say is trenchant, bizarre or both. Then I pull out a sheet of paper from my pocket & make notes (next poem in progress). People generally dislike that routine a lot.
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ASQ: 45. RAADS-R: 229.
BAP: 132 aloof, 132 rigid, 104 pragmatic.
Aspie score: 173 / 200; NT score: 33 / 200.
EQ: 6.
Not sure if it is AS but if I am interested in something or annoyed by something I will go on and on about it sometimes I think I probably go a bit far and annoy someone but I never realise until they are annoyed and they think I did it on purpose. So now I try not to talk about something if I find it very interesting or annoying unless I know 100% that the other person wants to discuss - although this is difficult. Maybe it is just me.
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The breath of the morning.. I keep forgetting.. the smell of the warm summer air
Things like my constant movement annoy some people, who say it makes them nervous.
I am very disorganised. I lose something important (phone, wallet, travel ticket etc) every time I go away. Those who know me now just take care of my things for me if I'm getting stressed. It's more of a, "Oh, not again, Grevesy," thing. I try to be better but it never seems to help.
I'm the same way! People say to me, "can we please not talk about this kind of thing at the table."
The other thing that I know annoys people is that I start talking about a topic or begin a conversation with something like, "You know that new TV series/person/etc," forgetting that the people I'm with actually don't know my thought process or what I'm talking about unless I explain. I understand that people don't think and know the same things as me, but I often forget to take that into account when in social situations. My friends now interrupt me when I start by saying, "No, we DON'T know."
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ISTJ / ASQ = 37/50
AQ = 143/200 NT = 62/200
?Perhaps one did not want to be loved so much as to be understood.? George Orwell, 1984
having extremely limited verbal communication is probably the worst annoyance for others and myself. Some people, especially the TL on first shift get mad because they expect me to be able to just spit out a reply and they always make a point to get on my case when my coworkers aren't around. I just got reamed about not making many parts, when I was making a different part and went over rate. I was getting yelled at for the new trainee not hitting rate when she isn't my responsibility, but I couldn't even say any of that because I can barely even speak two words.
auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,737
Location: the island of defective toy santas
The number 1 complaint people have about me is that I play the machiavellian-sycophantic game of society appallingly bad. People are, thus, full of contempt towards me and call me "crazy" when I refuse to accept humiliation from someone higher than me in the socioeconomic ladder or to humiliate those below me socioeconomically. I'm considered a loser and deserving of any kind of disrespect.
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There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats - Albert Schweitzer
auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,737
Location: the island of defective toy santas
I upset people by just opening my mouth or not opening my mouth and just being there, don't know why. Possibly to much detail or back story in my explanations of things.
I upset them even more by asking what I did to upset them.
If I really want to make them angry I just explain that what is normal for everyone else is not normal for me and why.
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My Personality + BAP/Aspergers + My Experiences = Me
AS: 135/200 NT: 81/200 AQ: 33 EQ: 8 ADHD-I: 25/35 BAP: BAP/Autistic MBTI: INTJ Ennagrame: 5 6 Wing
No official DX, all I know is I am not NT
I have a dirty mind, and am a visual thinker. When people talk behind me their conversation washes over me (I can't screen out their noise). I often burst out laughing at some visualisation, or burst out with a smart-arse comment. It takes tromendous effort to not comment some times.
I upset them even more by asking what I did to upset them.
If I really want to make them angry I just explain that what is normal for everyone else is not normal for me and why.
One of the most brilliant definitions of Asperger's I ever read. Unfortunately, so very true.
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There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats - Albert Schweitzer
I can relate to loads of those complaints. The racing round the house to find things before I leave and getting loads of stuff out of the fridge and when I say nothing its wrong, but when I say too much it's wrong then i say "well what do you want me to say?!" That is also wrong. But I think the trait that gets the most complaints is my honesty. Apparently when you end a relationship it is not acceptable to tell the other person that they take up too much of my time, they are depressing, they bring my mood down and every minute I spend on trying to help them out of their drug addiction is a minute less I spend on my kids (she would often ring with some crisis while I was playing with my kids). Unfortunately I my need to explain the situation fully over rides the thought that there may be repercussions to my honesty...