ASD tests and seeking Aspies becomes the special interest.

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Shorty after releasing the deniability that encapsulated the possibility of me being autistic I have become obsessed with taking the AQ, RAADS-R, and Aspie Quiz. It is like I expect different results or something. Internally I think I am hoping at least one time it will show NT, all while feeling excited about the prospects of knowing why I am the way I am and having a "niche" to fill.

Furthermore, I have become obsessed with finding another as pie; not online, but somebody that is in my own life. Here's the problem, unbeknown to me until my NT wife enlightened me: I have been asking people that I barely know to take the Aspie quiz. For example, I asked a coworker (I work in IT) that I see maybe once a month to take it and email me the results because he, in my eyes, seemed to fit the criteria. He scored very NT, so have the other people that actually took the test.

I guess what I am asking, seems almost rhetorical, is if this is typical of a 32 year old adult when they find out that they are ASD very late in life?

Were/are any of you on a quest to "find another"?

I am amazed that the rocking through age 8 never alarmed my parents, amongst the other "signs".

Oh, I score 140/65 Aspie quiz no matter when I take it and how I "skew" my answers.
My AQ sways from 41 to 46.
RAADS-R 191, 185, 186.
IQ-115, 128, 132 (Oddly, I seem to be more/less intelligent based on mood.)

Last edited by IdleHands on 30 Jun 2013, 9:31 am, edited 2 times in total.

Sometimes it is known as: once you get xyz diagnosis you become one and start to show more symptoms and act like one. I think that it's just because you recently found out (or didn't) you are on the spectrum. We almost automatically become more interested in stuff we fit in once we realize that. Or maybe it is really becoming your special interest. If it lasts a bit longer (month or two) that it is really becoming obsession (it sound more to me in your case it is becoming obsession than special interest)... take it easy... it will probably end soon (as in my case), if it doesn't, well than you'll have a lot of information on ASD and selfdiagnosis. I joined support gropu for adults with AS, it wasn't long before I was expelled lol. Parents usually see the bright side of their children and try to ignore the 'symtoms' of anything possible...

IdleHands -

It was like you were speaking for me. Our scores are very similar except I only took tests for a couple days after a few years of not taking any. For the past three years, I have been fascinated with disproving my inner Aspie. I have just finally started to deal with it after poking around here the past year as a non-member without saying anything. My special project though is not finding another Aspie, but finding out more about myself compared to other diagnosed Aspies. I realize that not all of us are alike, but we have a remarkable number of similarities that I do not have with others IRL. I am researching it from every angle to see how I can make the best of the situation that I just stopped denying. In a way, it's like "coming out" ... I suppose.

For now, it has replaced genetics and genealogy research as my new "special project". It continues to be an inner struggle that I am dealing with and do not know how to react except to accept that it "just is".

Last edited by apequake on 30 Jun 2013, 10:01 am, edited 1 time in total.

I agree with Saimand above, sounds like you are potentially getting obsessive regarding the tests.

Last edited by neilson_wheels on 30 Jun 2013, 4:11 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Ever since I've come to the understanding that I have AS, learning about it has definitely become a special interest, for now. I've thrown myself into reading blogs by people on the spectrum, every article in sight, every related test that I can come across. Even have a new, swiftly-filling Pinterest board.

I HAVE gotten my husband to take a few of the tests, but, that's because he does have many similar traits. I don't think he's on the spectrum, just that we have very similar personalities and ways of going about the world. (He also has ADHD, which might explain some similar traits.) As I thought, he does score more highly on tests than the typical NT, but, usually, still quite a bit lower than I do. The test that he scored moderately high in that was not a bit of a surprise to me, especially, was the test on Alexithymia. Anyway, that was a tangent. Whoops.

I haven't found myself obsessively re-taking tests, though, or re-reading articles, anything like that. Just actively seeking out everything new that I can read and take in. For me, it feels like a special interest for sure, and I'll probably burn out on it in a month or so, or, maybe, when I'm able to have a better external outlet for my new knowledge of AS, since I haven't really felt comfortable talking to anyone in my life but my husband about it, and am only beginning the process of therapy/seeking diagnosis. For me, learning all that I can about it, in this interim-limbo period, is what keeps it fresh and real in my mind, and what keeps me from shrugging the realization of AS off with a "Meh, well, nothing has to be that different now, does it?"

I guess I should better explain what I have been doing.

It goes like this for the most part:

Read old forum posts that have topics that interest me and all related to Autism/Aspergers.

Read scientific theories to possible causes of Autism/Aspergers.

Think about who in my life may be on the spectrum.

Think to myself: maybe I am not Aspergers and I am just crazy.

Go take a quiz and try to score as NT as possible while still remaining as true to myself as possible and score Aspie as hell.

I really only take a quiz maybe once a day or every couple days, so not taking them should be easy, but the pursuit of finding others....I don't know yet.

This is compounded by me having an 8 year old Aspergers son and an almost 3 year old Autistic daughter.

I get the feeling that it may be my duty, being Aspergers, to relate to, and voice for, those that are not as functional in society due to being on the spectrum. Maybe people with Aspergers are here to translate to the NT population. We are in a special place where we somewhat understand both sides, albeit more so the autistic side for me. I feel it is my responsibility to try and change the public image of Autism so my kids can live in a different world as adults. At the same time I feel like I should keep quiet and see if they can squeak by, toughly, like I had to. Basically, I am going through the motions.

I want to tell everybody and nobody at the same time that I am Aspergers.

I, too, have related it to "coming out" or realizing you are gay late in life.

For me I was like "ahhh haaaaaa" and like "wait, what" all in one "emotion".

Overall, I am very happy with finding where I fit.

Eye contact makes me feel uncomfortable, like liquid black holes.
I tend to look at peoples mouths, then a try a glance and look at their nose, then back to the mouth. Most people are weirded by this, women seem to think I'm staring down their tops for 95% of the time.

Last edited by neilson_wheels on 30 Jun 2013, 4:14 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Steelblue, Apequake-
Our scores are very similar. I wonder how similar we really are?

The same thing happens to me. I get creeped out by human eyes and always had issues with that. My conversations are very short usually. When they are longer, I let them talk and I look away hoping that they think I'm deep in thought. Sometimes if I am supposed to engage, I look at the center of the forehead, mouth and back. Yes, they also am thinking that I am looking down blouse based on them looking down often times and folded arms. When training others, I tend to look at the PowerPoint, foreheads and the back of the room. The more people the scarier - it seems like the crowd is fluid - it's a sensory explosion. When you hear yourself and see too many peering back at you, it makes you want to crawl into a hole. It is somewhat easier for me to talk to a group of strangers than co-workers for some reason though.

I can do the looking around bit but it feels false.

Last edited by neilson_wheels on 30 Jun 2013, 4:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

We may be pretty similar based on your story. I'm fine with my ASD, yet I want to dive into it and learn more.

I have always stimmed as well. Not the over-the-top humming stuff (well a lot of humming as a kid, but society frowned), but subtle stuff like:
- spitting everywhere (as a kid)
-biting nails (child/adult)
- rocking chair power rocking (child)

As an adult -
-playing with scotch tape (sticky tape outside, so it feels like skin peeling) - I only use tape at work for that. Nobody says anything.
-rubbing my thumb nail against my forefinger like I was cutting my forefinger
-scratching back of head even when not itching
-frequent toe scrunches/tapping (likely when I was a kid too, but not 100% aware of it)

- My favorite is closing eyes in a way to hear the drum roll. I find that very calming.

Hmm...let's see.

Very young-rocking: while watching tv, riding in the car.
throat clearing (hocking)
snake hunting
repeating movie lines
washing the driveway so I could watch the water

Somewhat young-lip biting
Teeth grinding
fiddling
shaky foot/bouncy knee

As an adult I always grind my teeth, chew on my lips, shaky foot, pace, and clutter and mess literally make me go crazy. I have always been a loaner. A friend for me is just the need for another person to physically be in the same room.

I'll expand more later; the grammatical and format errors that are happening while typing on my phone are maddening.

Could be!

I'm a mimicker. I was so astonished to find out that most people, when uncertain of a situation, can't/don't just look around and watch someone else to figure out how to act. I'm hoping to stop doing this, though, now that I know that I do it. I want to work on having a better concept of myself.

I read very well, very early. I'd say my "special interest" for most of my childhood was reading. All day, every day, even while walking/eating/in school, always nose in a book. I was reading at a 6th grade level in 1st, 2nd grade, and by the time I was in 5th grade I was reading books for adults. (Isaac Asimov was always a favorite writer.)

I'm a researcher, obviously, when it comes to something I'm interested in (like ASD.) I show people that I care by researching things they are interested in, by doing things for them, by solving problems. Doing kind things. But, when it comes to the emotional side of things, I am so lost. I care, but I just don't know what to do.

I stim, for sure. When I was a kid, I think I suppressed it a lot, due to seeing how stigmatized it was when my (diagnosed ASD) brother did it. I was, though, obsessed with the swings. Take me to the playground as a kid? Play with other kids? No way! I'd sit on the swings for hours. I was so sad when I moved to the junior high and discovered that there were no more swings at lunch. As a preteen/teen, stimming came out as self harming. (and, who knows, I may have done other stimming things, but just not remember now. It was a pretty traumatic time.) Now, I rock a bit when I'm mentally engaged in anything (like the computer, a craft project, reading sometimes). When I'm stressed out, I pick at skin, rub my face, twirl my foot, bounce my knee, chew my lips.

I dislike eye contact. It seems intrusive, and I also never know if I'm staring too much. I usually steal small glances at a person's eyes as they are talking, and look entirely away when I am speaking. The stealing small glances works okay for me, because there will be times when the other person is looking away also, and I can use that moment to take in their facial expression, and analyze what I might be missing from the tone of their voice.

I don't interpret a person's mood instinctively, but I've learned to figure it out pretty well, if I take the time to think about it. But, still, I've learned that I'm better off just asking that person.

I'm very, very physically affected by stress and emotions. I have a hard time separating physical sensation from emotions. (So, it might take me a while of wondering, "Ahh, why do I have this terrible knot in my stomach?" before analyzing and realizing that it is because I am feeling anxious.) I score very high on the Alexithymia test.

So far as I know, I've had only one classic meltdown in my life, and it's such a relief now to know what it was. At the time, I thought I was having a complete nervous breakdown. Friends were so afraid for me that they called the paramedics, who couldn't find anything medically wrong with me, of course, but who said that I looked like someone who was overdosing on amphetamines. So horrifically embarrassing. Other than that, I tend towards shutdown and withdrawal when overwhelmed. First I cry, yell, and on the worst days might lash out at objects. (Hitting pillows, or something like that.) If whatever is overwhelming me persists, I turn inwardly, I get quiet, it becomes very difficult to speak. The world sort of loses its focus. For a long time, I thought this was depression, since everyone told me that's what it was; it's only recently that I realized it was shutdown, as it isn't a constant state. It's something that comes and goes, depending on how overwhelmed I am by social contact and sensory issues. I HAVE experienced depression in my life, however, but it's been situational, due to bad life circumstances.

Whoops. That was longer than I meant it to be, and I could easily go on, so I will just stop myself there. Ha!
anyway, any similarities?

Actually, yes. I too am an avid lip biting foor shaker that avoids eye contact. I tend to look through people and rarely listen to what they say; seems like trying makes it worse. I lose my sh◇t fairly often when in stressful situations. More than anything I have to keep my mind/hands busy. Relaxation is painful and nearly impossible for me. I feel like I am only at peace when I am sleeping.

I can wake up and within 30 seconds of getting our of bed start picking up cups/trash because thw disorganization gives me anxiety and eventually makes me appear angry.

In my twenties I used to have panic attacks for no apparent reason; mostly at night when trying to relax. The sides of my neck are almost always tight with anxiety and I really have no desire for friendship.

I tried to respond multiple times yesterday, but it's hard to engage much further for me on this thread. I see many similarities between the three of us. It hits close to home much of what has been written after my last response.

Apequake-

I hope you did not feel ignored. I made reference to the "coming out" scenario you mentioned. It seems as though similarities would help validate the test. Then again we would nees to scrutinize the actual answers.