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Shikari
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20 Jul 2013, 4:12 am

This is probably a stupid question, and I'm sorry if it is, but do aspies who have trouble with eye contact have certain people who they trust fully that they don't have trouble making eye contact with? Just curious.



kembleman
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20 Jul 2013, 4:22 am

II dont think it is much an issue with trust but with the fact that some people including myself mostly have no direct eye contact
becuase it is alot harder to comprehend what is being said to me and then to respond
it is much easier to talk to someone with no direct eye contact at all then it.

I have to focus on the information being said and not really the point of having a discussion

I see no point in conversations any unless someone makes a point then i usually think of that than the whole descussion but that is just me and may not include everyone on WP or on the autism spectrum.


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jk1
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20 Jul 2013, 4:54 am

I don't think the question is stupid. It is a valid question.

I have kind of learned to make eye contact, but it's easier with some people than with others. I don't know what makes the difference. As the OP suggested, it could have something to do with trust. Or it could be to do with the level of self-consciousness of the other person. When I make eye contact, if the other person and I both are self-conscious, we can both sense it, and it is very uncomfortable.



chris5000
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20 Jul 2013, 5:02 am

eye contact in animals brings a fight or flight response
try staring a dog in the eyes it will look away



halfandhalf
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20 Jul 2013, 6:11 am

chris5000 wrote:
eye contact in animals brings a fight or flight response
try staring a dog in the eyes it will look away


i try to stare at mt cats as an exercise lol they usually win

one of them will hold my gaze as long as i dont blink and the other will try too scare the poo out of me with huge dilated pupils and i have to look away :lol:


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20 Jul 2013, 6:59 am

I dont think its to do so much with trust as it is just something almost natural to happen but it isnt really to do with trust
I struggle sometimes making eye contact all the time with even my family haha! It used to drive them mad!! But literally it is sometimes just a natural occurence. Other people take it the wrong way its upsetting sometimes!!



Shikari
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20 Jul 2013, 7:02 am

Thanks for the insight! I'm NT, so I don't know much about trouble with eye contact.



b9
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20 Jul 2013, 7:39 am

i have posted on numerous occasions my thoughts about eye contact, each successive post diminishing in detail, and in this post i will probably be able to adequately summarize my thoughts about it.

there is a deep need in most people for a "spiritual" connection with others who they are fond of.
i have heard that "the eyes are the windows to the soul", and therefore (as i deduce) the eyes of any person you are fond of (who you are interacting with) should be the primary point of your visual focus, since they are the "windows" through which to look to see the person's "soul".

i do not feel that i have a complete soul, and i do not want anyone to find out by looking in my eyes.
my deepest personality is a supercilious facade, but i do enjoy being me. i just can not let people look through my eyes to see how shallow i really am.

i can not be sure that NT's can not read my personality by looking into my eyes, but i am completely sure i can not read their "whatevers" by looking at their eyes.

other people's eyes to me are just like marbles in their heads. i can not understand how many people say that "eyes" are the windows to the soul".
to them, my eyes are the windows to my soul (errrrkkkkk)
to me, their eyes are just spherical sensory organs. their pupils are black and i can not see anything beyond that.



skibum
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20 Jul 2013, 9:13 am

b9 wrote:
i have posted on numerous occasions my thoughts about eye contact, each successive post diminishing in detail, and in this post i will probably be able to adequately summarize my thoughts about it.

there is a deep need in most people for a "spiritual" connection with others who they are fond of.
i have heard that "the eyes are the windows to the soul", and therefore (as i deduce) the eyes of any person you are fond of (who you are interacting with) should be the primary point of your visual focus, since they are the "windows" through which to look to see the person's "soul".

i do not feel that i have a complete soul, and i do not want anyone to find out by looking in my eyes.
my deepest personality is a supercilious facade, but i do enjoy being me. i just can not let people look through my eyes to see how shallow i really am.

i can not be sure that NT's can not read my personality by looking into my eyes, but i am completely sure i can not read their "whatevers" by looking at their eyes.

other people's eyes to me are just like marbles in their heads. i can not understand how many people say that "eyes" are the windows to the soul".
to them, my eyes are the windows to my soul (errrrkkkkk)
to me, their eyes are just spherical sensory organs. their pupils are black and i can not see anything beyond that.
Why don't you feel like you have a complete soul?



b9
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20 Jul 2013, 9:55 am

skibum wrote:
b9 wrote:
i have ...etc
Why don't you feel like you have a complete soul?


because i do not know what a "complete soul" consists of.
i am not very interested in merging consciousnesses with other people. i like to remain free to think what i please.
"complete souls" are fully fledged loving integrators within their communities.
i am therefore not a complete soul. i do not love what i do not understand, and i do not try to communicate with people who i do not understand.

also, i can not see the reality in romantic notions, so eye contact for me is not necessary.