Understanding your weaknesses but being unable to act

Post Reply New Topic

Hope this isn't double but I couldn't find anything recent on it.

What bothers me the most about my autism is that I am fully aware of everything that I do and why I do it and still cannot become active or stop myself, while this is my strong suit when I talk about my autism with professionals it is my Achilles heel in practice.

I often wished I would do things more subconsciously, because maybe it wouldn't bother so much then, but then I would bother others twice as much, so for that reason I am glad I do it my way.

A few examples are:

I will sit in front of the computer and realize that the dishes are piled up, and I should really take care of them, but I am blocked and cannot start this task, I can stare at the dishes for hours, and even prepare everything I need for it, but I still cannot do them and it rarely happens I can remove the blockade.

I walk past someone on the street, and before I will walk past them I know what kind self reassuring behavior I will perform, but I cannot prevent myself from doing it, and even if I do a countdown in my head, I will still do it at the last second.

I will walk to a place where I meet people for drinks, and I know there will be new people that I haven't met, and I will take myself trough the entire process of what is considered protocol when meeting someone, and what topics I could use to open a conversation, but the moment I enter the bar I will do exactly the same I always do, and that is talking to the people I know and being completely mute towards the other people, until I had my first drink and/or unless they engage me first.

It is as if I am on my way to fix a car, but at the front door of the place I need to be suddenly lose my toolbox, and arrive empty handed.

There are many more examples, but I could type for days then, and I type too much as it is.

I would very much like to hear how other people experience this, and if you do then I love to know if you found a way to deal with it, because I tend to torture myself with these things often, and cannot prevent myself from seeing them as personal failures, because I feel I should be able to figure it out, if I can get as far as understanding what to do as well.

Jonov, bubbie, don't be so hard on yourself. You are the way your brain is wired. Some changes will occur over time, but you cannot just reprogram your essential nature, no matter what any neurotypical counselor tells you. I am nearly twice your age and still dealing with exactly the same issues. Its who you are and no matter what the NT world tells you, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. Just because the small-minded have problems adjusting to people who are different, that does not mean that different is bad.

I realize that these neurological differences can be frustrating to you and that you would sometimes like very much to be able to do certain things the way others do, but the secret is - you can't, so you need to find work-arounds that do feel more natural to you and help you accomplish the same task. I can't tell you what those things are, as they're different for each individual and sometimes you discover them gradually or by accident. For me, sometimes it helps if I just don't think about it too much and make myself all self-conscious and hyper-aware of my state of mind. On the best of days, I have a hard time initiating a conversation with a stranger unless they ask me a direct question first.

As for those dishes, I attack the task in a two-phase method. One time, when I walk past them in the kitchen, I'll run the hot water and put in the soap, then later, when I come back into that part of the house, I'll wash them during a TV commercial break. But I do it every day, so they don't pile up, because its just harder to get motivated to do them if there are a lot of them. If there are only a few, it not such a big deal. On the other hand, I have an email from an old friend that I should have responded to a month ago and I haven't even read it yet. I'm not even sure why, I just can't make myself do it. When the time is right, it'll be easy, but right now, I just can't do it. Its maddening, isn't it?

I have the exact same problems lately.

Especially with the damn dishes. Suddenly all my stuff i used and there is a huge MOUNTAIN of dishes.

I think i have some learning defect. Not to mention motivation. Not because im lazy im really not.

My only way of coping with things like the dishes is always doing things straight away. It may not be the most efficient, but washing my dish, pan, cutlery etc straight after cooking/eating is the only way I've found that allows me to keep on top of things.

Maybe CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) could help you out with that It depends how much your concious thinking effects what you do automatically I suppose.

Oh, I always thought, that it was a depressive inhibition.

My motivation for washing dishes and doing housework is to keep things clean, clutterfree, and orderly, and in designated location and orientation in space, I've been always been obsessed with that.

Please, lend me a bit of your obsession.