Page 1 of 1 [ 15 posts ] 

Schizpergers
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 234
Location: Washington, USA

04 Nov 2013, 7:17 am

I do not understand why anyone is this way either. Self loathing is the most pathetic trait someone can have.
There are things I'm not good at but I'm not going to let that get in my way. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses.
Logically everyone should only want the best for themselves and be proud of who they are because you are all you have.
I cannot help but to not feel sympathy for anyone who puts themselves down and is self destructive.



Wafflemarine
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 31 Aug 2013
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 182
Location: Minnesota, Eagan

04 Nov 2013, 10:07 am

Schizpergers wrote:
I do not understand why anyone is this way either. Self loathing is the most pathetic trait someone can have.
There are things I'm not good at but I'm not going to let that get in my way. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses.
Logically everyone should only want the best for themselves and be proud of who they are because you are all you have.
I cannot help but to not feel sympathy for anyone who puts themselves down and is self destructive.


Its never something they decided to do. When someone grows up with others putting them down they tend to adopt these habit and is very hard to stop it.


_________________
Stories are much tidier then real life. Stories have neat, happy endings, but all you ever really get is unfinished business.
Life's so much easier when you got someone to blame.


ASPartOfMe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,684
Location: Long Island, New York

04 Nov 2013, 12:25 pm

Wafflemarine wrote:
Schizpergers wrote:
I do not understand why anyone is this way either. Self loathing is the most pathetic trait someone can have.
There are things I'm not good at but I'm not going to let that get in my way. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses.
Logically everyone should only want the best for themselves and be proud of who they are because you are all you have.
I cannot help but to not feel sympathy for anyone who puts themselves down and is self destructive.


Its never something they decided to do. When someone grows up with others putting them down they tend to adopt these habit and is very hard to stop it.


I hate some things I do not hate myself. I am proud, very proud of somethings I have done but not of proud of myself. I am happy with parts of myself, unhappy with other parts of myself. Aspie is a big part of who I am it is not all of who I am am. If I am having a really good or bad day I can forget the above.


_________________
Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity

“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman


Schizpergers
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 234
Location: Washington, USA

05 Nov 2013, 1:50 am

Wafflemarine wrote:
Schizpergers wrote:
I do not understand why anyone is this way either. Self loathing is the most pathetic trait someone can have.
There are things I'm not good at but I'm not going to let that get in my way. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses.
Logically everyone should only want the best for themselves and be proud of who they are because you are all you have.
I cannot help but to not feel sympathy for anyone who puts themselves down and is self destructive.


Its never something they decided to do. When someone grows up with others putting them down they tend to adopt these habit and is very hard to stop it.


I think my comment yesterday may have come across a bit harsh. I'm just so sick of hearing people dwell in self pity and let it keep them from doing things. If I let other peoples negativity effect me I could have low self esteem too but I am able to think for myself and not let anyone's opinions effect what I think. I have never been able to comprehend how people do not think for themselves and let others effect them. All that should matter is your own perception because that is all you can even know is real.



pensieve
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Nov 2008
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,204
Location: Sydney, Australia

05 Nov 2013, 4:38 am

I'm this way when I fall into severe depression, which genuinely does not last longer than 24 hours.

It gets in the way of my over confidence when I become manic/hypomanic though.


_________________
My band photography blog - http://lostthroughthelens.wordpress.com/
My personal blog - http://helptheywantmetosocialise.wordpress.com/


KingdomOfRats
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Oct 2005
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,833
Location: f'ton,manchester UK

05 Nov 2013, 4:51 am

wasnt a self hater until was severely bullied for a number of years by a scumbag sockpuppeter from here whose purpose was to cause total self hatred,it worked.
am not the type to go self pitying on forums though as its not a blog.


_________________
>severely autistic.
>>the residential autist; http://theresidentialautist.blogspot.co.uk
blogging from the view of an ex institutionalised autism/ID activist now in community care.
>>>help to keep bullying off our community,report it!


Wafflemarine
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 31 Aug 2013
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 182
Location: Minnesota, Eagan

05 Nov 2013, 6:22 pm

Schizpergers wrote:
Wafflemarine wrote:
Schizpergers wrote:
I do not understand why anyone is this way either. Self loathing is the most pathetic trait someone can have.
There are things I'm not good at but I'm not going to let that get in my way. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses.
Logically everyone should only want the best for themselves and be proud of who they are because you are all you have.
I cannot help but to not feel sympathy for anyone who puts themselves down and is self destructive.


Its never something they decided to do. When someone grows up with others putting them down they tend to adopt these habit and is very hard to stop it.


I think my comment yesterday may have come across a bit harsh. I'm just so sick of hearing people dwell in self pity and let it keep them from doing things. If I let other peoples negativity effect me I could have low self esteem too but I am able to think for myself and not let anyone's opinions effect what I think. I have never been able to comprehend how people do not think for themselves and let others effect them. All that should matter is your own perception because that is all you can even know is real.


You must have been lucky to have been given the chance in life to develop your own views of yourself then. A lot of people including myself were not we did not reach that level of maturity or stage in life before people started to beat us down.

I do agree self pity is worthless no one gives a s**t about how bad you feel you still got to do stuff. The problem is it warps your perspective of yourself and you become so addicted to proving you are better that nothing you ever do seems good enough. I treat myself as lower then human most days but I hope one day I can do something good enough to give my life worth.


_________________
Stories are much tidier then real life. Stories have neat, happy endings, but all you ever really get is unfinished business.
Life's so much easier when you got someone to blame.


Lostathome
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 27 Aug 2013
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 121

06 Nov 2013, 6:11 am

First of all, the intelligence thing: Many aspies are seen as intelligent not because they are generally, overall intelligent (although they may well be) but tend to have specific special interests. We, unlike many NTs, are prepared to devote a majority of our time to a specific thing. Seeming as academia is forced upon all at a young age, many will end up following such paths as science, maths, history and so on, things generally looked at as intellectual.

I did not. I cannot tell you what happens in a black hole, or what the square root of any given number is. Truth be told, although I did well in my GCSEs, most of that knowledge has decayed. Around stupid people, I may be called smart, but fact is, I'm not all that knowledgable. My special interest is movies, with a focus on horror gained in my teens. I'm at university studying this, but academically, I still suck. The bureacracy is ill fitting for me, and I can't help but ask why? Why, for example, is a well sourced, well researched, well written article not seen as a reliable source simply because it is not peer reviewed? If it was, it would clearly fare well, but it simply hasn't got that recognition.

So those of us outside of the academic circles may feel our intelligence is not appreciated. It is one of only a few things I am proud of, that I can surprise even tutors of film with my knowledge of horror, but to a scientist, I may be seen as dull.

And that is why I don't like me. I have things to offer, apparently I'm funny, I've been told I'm trustworthy, loyal, honest, and the aforementioned encyclopedic knowledge of horror with what I'm told is a natural talent for film and writing.

But aside from that last part, which is a long shot for getting a chance to utilise, nobody really cares about these things. I'm ugly, I'm not confident, I don't know how to talk to girls I like, I get nervous around crowds, I'm paranoid, and most of all, I don't understand humans. Through this point of view, I feel like an abomination, something god messed up on, something not meant to be that nobody wants around.

That's the thing. You can have good qualities, but it doesn't matter unless they're the qualities people care about.



Schizpergers
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 234
Location: Washington, USA

06 Nov 2013, 8:21 am

Lostathome wrote:
First of all, the intelligence thing: Many aspies are seen as intelligent not because they are generally, overall intelligent (although they may well be) but tend to have specific special interests. We, unlike many NTs, are prepared to devote a majority of our time to a specific thing. Seeming as academia is forced upon all at a young age, many will end up following such paths as science, maths, history and so on, things generally looked at as intellectual.

I did not. I cannot tell you what happens in a black hole, or what the square root of any given number is. Truth be told, although I did well in my GCSEs, most of that knowledge has decayed. Around stupid people, I may be called smart, but fact is, I'm not all that knowledgable. My special interest is movies, with a focus on horror gained in my teens. I'm at university studying this, but academically, I still suck. The bureacracy is ill fitting for me, and I can't help but ask why? Why, for example, is a well sourced, well researched, well written article not seen as a reliable source simply because it is not peer reviewed? If it was, it would clearly fare well, but it simply hasn't got that recognition.

So those of us outside of the academic circles may feel our intelligence is not appreciated. It is one of only a few things I am proud of, that I can surprise even tutors of film with my knowledge of horror, but to a scientist, I may be seen as dull.

And that is why I don't like me. I have things to offer, apparently I'm funny, I've been told I'm trustworthy, loyal, honest, and the aforementioned encyclopedic knowledge of horror with what I'm told is a natural talent for film and writing.

But aside from that last part, which is a long shot for getting a chance to utilise, nobody really cares about these things. I'm ugly, I'm not confident, I don't know how to talk to girls I like, I get nervous around crowds, I'm paranoid, and most of all, I don't understand humans. Through this point of view, I feel like an abomination, something god messed up on, something not meant to be that nobody wants around.

That's the thing. You can have good qualities, but it doesn't matter unless they're the qualities people care about.
\

Why does it matter what other people think? You shouldn't need everyone's approval. I don't know of anybody who gets that. The only thing there is to understand about humans is none of them fully understand each other.



Lostathome
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 27 Aug 2013
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 121

06 Nov 2013, 11:01 am

Schizpergers wrote:
Lostathome wrote:
First of all, the intelligence thing: Many aspies are seen as intelligent not because they are generally, overall intelligent (although they may well be) but tend to have specific special interests. We, unlike many NTs, are prepared to devote a majority of our time to a specific thing. Seeming as academia is forced upon all at a young age, many will end up following such paths as science, maths, history and so on, things generally looked at as intellectual.

I did not. I cannot tell you what happens in a black hole, or what the square root of any given number is. Truth be told, although I did well in my GCSEs, most of that knowledge has decayed. Around stupid people, I may be called smart, but fact is, I'm not all that knowledgable. My special interest is movies, with a focus on horror gained in my teens. I'm at university studying this, but academically, I still suck. The bureacracy is ill fitting for me, and I can't help but ask why? Why, for example, is a well sourced, well researched, well written article not seen as a reliable source simply because it is not peer reviewed? If it was, it would clearly fare well, but it simply hasn't got that recognition.

So those of us outside of the academic circles may feel our intelligence is not appreciated. It is one of only a few things I am proud of, that I can surprise even tutors of film with my knowledge of horror, but to a scientist, I may be seen as dull.

And that is why I don't like me. I have things to offer, apparently I'm funny, I've been told I'm trustworthy, loyal, honest, and the aforementioned encyclopedic knowledge of horror with what I'm told is a natural talent for film and writing.

But aside from that last part, which is a long shot for getting a chance to utilise, nobody really cares about these things. I'm ugly, I'm not confident, I don't know how to talk to girls I like, I get nervous around crowds, I'm paranoid, and most of all, I don't understand humans. Through this point of view, I feel like an abomination, something god messed up on, something not meant to be that nobody wants around.

That's the thing. You can have good qualities, but it doesn't matter unless they're the qualities people care about.
\

Why does it matter what other people think? You shouldn't need everyone's approval. I don't know of anybody who gets that. The only thing there is to understand about humans is none of them fully understand each other.
I won't get any of the things that I want in life without other people's approval. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life, I don't want to be jobless, and I want to belong. Nobody wants what I have to offer, though. They want what I don't have.



TheWrithing
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 13 Oct 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 26

06 Nov 2013, 9:11 pm

I can't really say that I hate myself. Moreover, I hate whatever culprit be it biological, deity or whatever that saw fit to make my life harder in the ways that it is. I'm about as normal as anyone who has high functioning aspergers/autism can be, but I still have fears anxieties and hangups that can and sometimes do make parts of my life harder than what I would like.

So naturally I do not hate myself, I simply have an unnatural loathing for whatever circumstance caused me to be this way.



structrix
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Jun 2013
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 535

07 Nov 2013, 10:48 am

I have seriously low self-esteem. So yeah, through years and years of teasing and just plain introversion (which is wierd because sometimes I am VERY extroverted) I just can't REALLY say with confidence that I AM THIS or I AM THAT! I wish I could but I am not there yet. I also have been told that I am very arrogant at times and so I feel very wierd when this is pointed out because I am pretty sure I do NOT toot my own horn for the very reasons I stated.



bumble
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Mar 2011
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,073

07 Nov 2013, 12:19 pm

It's the god damned psychology profession and those bloody self help books.

I have never hated myself, I don't expect myself to be perfect, never did. I was/am more interested in being about to do what I am passionate about in life.

I only get sad because I don't like the state of the world and I am lonely (partly because of the state of the world).

What the hell is with all the judgmental attitudes these days? None of it really matters...in the grand scheme of things. Why not just try to love life for the sake of loving life itself. Why do we even have to be perfect? Or superior? Or better or what the f**k ever.

The human race is too ego driven.

It depresses me...all this ego crap. I can't have any fun with anyone because they are too consumed by their own ego to actually want to do something just because it might be a nice experience. All they care about is how good they are...WTF?

All this self hatred is getting me down and its not even my own!

Just wish people would enjoy being alive instead of worrying all the time about trying to be perfect, or thinking they should be this that or the other. Life would be so much more fun if people would quit worrying about silly things and stop being obsessed with their worth etc. There is no such thing as a worthless life anyway.

I hate society for driving the belief system it is...it is making people miserable and no one can just enjoy the wonderful gift they have been given (the chance to experience all that is around them) because they are so obsessed with self esteem this, self esteem that, ego this, ego that.

Make me want to cry.

I just want someone compatible to make happy memories with. Along with food, shelter, warmth, pursuing your passions etc that is what life is really all about anyway.

All this self worth worrying is feeding itself though. It is taking over. I wish society would take on a different belief system.

Compatibility instead of worthy or not worthy
Equality instead of superior/inferior
Differently adapted instead of disordered for people labelled with an ASD

and so on....

So much nicer than all the bollocks going around right now which is judgmental and yacky.

I will discuss my problems with today's belief systems with my therapist. I need to, they are making me feel depressed.

Frowns at society...



kirayng
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Nov 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,040
Location: Maine, USA

07 Nov 2013, 12:38 pm

Cilantro wrote:
Wafflemarine wrote:
Cilantro wrote:
Good for you. I don't consider ASD a necessity for having an alternative worldview, and I don't value what it's brought into my life because it isn't in line with what I value or seek to achieve and everything good I have could be had without.

People don't value what you value. Tough. You can complain all you want and accuse us of self-loathing and not accepting ourselves, but that's your (false) perspective that isn't going to affect what we're actually feeling and experiencing.


I did not say autism was a necessity for a different world view I said autism gave me mine.

Not really complaining I think this is pretty fun way to learn stuff, I am used to people building upon what they are good at and avoiding areas they lack just makes sense to me. I am not going to be some Hockey player as much as I want to be I can't even come close a sports player because of my scared lungs and asthma. So I focus on areas I have strength in.

"I don't value what it's brought into my life because it isn't in line with what I value or seek to achieve" Confused on this are you saying autism is a set of ideals or way of living?

Not trying to be sarcastic but what is it that autism hurts that hinders what you want to achieve and how does it change what you value?


All the "positives" people list are things I could have without Asperger's, and none of the things it can bring with it (special interests, etc) are valuable to me. Therefore Asperger's adds nothing of value to my life or towards my goals, which include having a career, being a prolific writer, and accomplishing more personal and specific goals. Everything Asperger's brings with it, especially poor social cognition, negatively impacts those things because they require, among other things, a knowledge of how to work well with and for people.


Knowledge of how to work well with and for people can be learned, however. Learned behavior can be applied. I'm not discrediting your experiences in anyway, I share some of the same opinions you do and have expressed them in other threads. That said, I do believe I can learn to function better in society by doing 100% of what I actually can to participate and be firm when things become unmanageable. Do I still come home depressed and weary? Yeah, most of the time, but I also recover by allowing myself to do so in anyway which suits me. It's a balance, just as this whole issue is a matter of perspective. Your outlook genuinely colors your experience, for better or for worse, so you get to choose.



Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 23,735
Location: UK

07 Nov 2013, 12:42 pm

I hate myself for getting stressed at small things, slash, making mountains out of molehills.

I hate myself for the mood swings and going aloof without warning (even I don't know when I'm suddenly going to go into myself, it just happens). Then I feel I want to rant about everything, but shut up because I don't want to risk the ''stop moaning!'' response. Those two words put together make me want to have a meltdown. So I've just got to put up with this horrible overwhelmed feeling I get.

I hate myself for saying stupid things what are socially inappropriate, for no reason except I don't know what else to say.

I hate myself for being nervous and always having something offish about me, no matter how hard I try. I have learnt though that trying too hard will just lead to me saying stupid things all the time, so sometimes it's best to just say quiet. But then I stay too quiet, I can't just be a happy-medium.

I hate myself for having ''f**k off' tattooed on my forehead, in other words, looking standoffish even when I make eye contact and smile at people. They just look at me awkwardly, and it then makes something as simple and mundane as passing a stranger somewhere quiet into such a big issue. If I look up and smile, 9 out of 10 people don't speak or even smile back and then it reminds me how stupid and bad and unapproachable I look. If I don't look at them I feel unfriendly, like I've got to keep my head down and it just makes it so awkward. I feel like I'm beyond help here because nothing can solve it, unless I grow a thick skin and stop being so self-conscious and sensitive of how I've viewed through the eyes of others. This makes me feel depressed.


_________________
Female
Aged 32

Diagnosed with ADHD
Have Anxiety Disorder
Diagnosed with mild ASD but I don't identify as autistic