Stupid Stuff People Say to Autistics

Post Reply New Topic

"Does that mean you’re really good at math?" No!

Touché

The internet is a tad bit different than with people in say, a mall or restaurant or pub though.

It's easier to socialize online.

Reason why it's hard for me is because I am shy and it's mainly social anxiety. Then I find it easy if I am with people I am comfortable with and we are having a great talk about things and then I find it hard when it ends. But saying to just go out and socialize and talk to people isn't easy.

I can at least have limited socialization with someone whom I trust.

After failing to realize someone was drunk. All the NTs knew immediately:
"I'm glad you live with your parents."
As if identifying drunk people is a prerequisite to living on my own!

"You need to be observant."
I am observant...of things not people.

"You just go up to them and talk, it's easy."
"You just invite them, it's easy."
Here I feel like saying "you just type the code, programming is easy."

"I feel that way too."
"Everyone does that."


When depressed:
"You need to stop acting like you think no one likes you."
"You need to stop being negative"
Why not give me an obvious reason to believe you like me instead of telling me to stop thinking people don't like me? I don't get any "you are my friend I enjoy being with you" cues. When I am not depressed I tend to assume people like me unless proven otherwise. When I am depressed or close to depressed I tend to assume people don't like me, think I am annoying, or are tired of me, unless proven otherwise.

Plus you have time to actually think about what you say online and the awkwardness is cut down to a minimum.

You may have a point about that. I always took the statement to mean, "I'm trying to show you you're not alone by claiming that I experience the same things you do" which always makes me feel more alone because, just by virtue of the fact that she's not one nudge away from having a total meltdown, I know she can't possibly be experiencing the same things I am. It just frustrates me when people think that their comparatively mild reactions to things compare with what we experience. I suppose you could be right though; my professor may just have been trying to say she understands how bad it is for me based on her own experiences and her knowledge that I'm far more physically sensitive than she is. Of course, I should point out that she was sort of laughing as she said it, in that, "Yeah isn't that exasperating" kind of way, making me suspect that she failed to grasp the severity of my overload.

I've been there too: one time this very drunk woman got on the bus, and the way she was acting, I thought she was mentally disabled. She was being disruptive and the driver kept threatening to throw her off. I thought he was being highly discriminating until she finally got off and he muttered to himself, "Any other drunk people feel like riding today?" I was very surprised.

Those that werevideo and I've been actually told IRL:
“Is your parent here?”
“I’ve seen Rain Man”
“You look so weird”
“People can see you”
“You’re autistic? I’m so sorry, that’s so sad”
“You can’t expect us to accommodate all of your needs”
“What do you mean you don’t wanna hug?”
“I have read Temple Grandin’s book. Do you like cows?”
“Can you count these toothpicks?”
“Autistic people are so honest”
“What are you, ret*d?”

No one ever seemed to doubt about me having Asperger's (except two of my aunts and a psychologist). Am I the only one here who's so low-functioning that her autism looks evident to others?
Also, while I understood why some people might have perceived some of those as offensive, I can't understand why others are offensive to some people.
"You must be very high-functioning"
"I would have never gussed it"
What's so offensive about those? Are there some people who'd rather be told that they look low-functioning and that they can't do essential stuff without other people's help like most people with LFA? If there are people like that, I respect their opinion. "Live and let live". I live by that.
What's so bad with looking, acting and behaving like an high-functioning autistic? Would those people rather be like me (I am in the "moderate" scale)? I can't go to most places alone because of lack of the sense of direction and paranoia, most of the times I can't understand what people are telling me, I have public meltdowns, I always feel dizzy and there are a lot of stuff I'm not going to tell because I don't want to and because it would take too long. If those people wouldn't want to be told they're high-functioning anymore, I'd gladly switch their autism with mine, if there was a way that could be done. But of course there would be no switching back after that
Also I agree with one of those: "labels are for cans, not for people".

IRL, I've been told the following:

"You need to have better manners!"

Rebuttal: I try to be well-mannered, but I do so on my own terms.

"You're nothing like Rain Man!"

Rebuttal: DUH! Not all Auties/Aspies are like Rain Man. I certainly am not.

"Why do you act like a creep?"

Rebuttal: Just because I don't talk much does not mean I'm a creep.

"You're a psychopath in the making!"

Rebuttal: If people believe me to be a walking, talking stereotype, then people who think of me as such are stereotypes themselves.

"You're a brat!"

Rebuttal: Just because I talk about subjects that hardly interest other people does not mean I am a brat.

"Are you good at math and science?"

Rebuttal: No, my math skills are poor, but many areas of science interest me.

droppy,

When I was a child / teenager people all the time commented to my parents that something was obviously very "wrong with" me. But not now, at least not the same way as before. Since about age > 26 or so, that does not seem to be the case with me anymore. I have had people think there were things wrong with my ideas, opinions, reactions, preferences, habits, etc. But apparently I can appear "normal" enough of the time that they say no, not you, you couldn't be Aspergers or Autistic.

I never get the first but would be offended if I did. I often get the second, usually accompanied by "but you look fine to me".

They are offensive because they are invalidating. I've chosen to share something - usually mental health problems - and a response along the lines of "I would never have guessed it" makes me feel unheard. I don't share this stuff for fun, it involves trust and is hard work. And I'm usually sharing because someone asks "what I do". So I tell them I'm on govt disability benefits. Their response makes me feel like a free loading scrounger.

And even without this context it's offensive:
I'm trying to tell you something, not start an argument... So occasionally I will ratchet it up a bit and try to "convince" them, which is usually a bad move cos they've already decided I'm OK and that it's "all in my mind".

I don't mind someone telling me "it's all in your mind", because I have learnt to respond by telling them that they only exist in my mind also...

What I've heard from people over the years:
1. You're the stupidest smart person I've ever met.
2. Get your act together.
3. What is wrong with you?
4. You're weird.
5. Can I see you in my office?
6. This isn't working out.

What I've recently heard since my diagnosis:
1. You don't have Asperger's.
2. I have all those problems too.
3. Why do you have to pathologize everything?
4. You're saying you have Asperger's to get attention.
5. I don't know why you need a diagnosis to prove to yourself that you're weird.
6. You're using this as an excuse.

some guy said to me ur a dum autistic

i gave him a black eye and got suspended for a week.

- "Just say what you want to say!"

- "You're just so self-indulgent and immature!"

- "You're on your own!"

- "Are you using deodorant/Clearasil/toothpaste/shampoo, etc"

- "You're not taking Dory, are you? Leave that in the car!"

- "Going to this camp isn't going to help you if you only go through the motions and don't really LEARN anything!"

- "I don't know WHY this is so hard for you!"

- "It can't always be about what LtlPinkCoupe wants to do all the time!"