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i'm better at standing up for myself than an average nt
i'm just as good as an average nt at standing up for myself 29%  29%  [ 37 ]
i'm less than the average nt at standing up for myself 29%  29%  [ 36 ]
i'm terrible at it, really 42%  42%  [ 53 ]
Total votes : 126

JSBACHlover
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09 Nov 2013, 9:59 am

skibum wrote:
Dillogic wrote:
I don't [always] (my addition to the quote) know what's appropriate for the situation,

Supposedly, I responded too greatly in the past several times [and got in trouble for it].

This has happened to me many times also. It makes it confusing and sometimes makes me insecure about what to do in a situation.

That's why I learned to remain quiet and walk away. Horrible feeling - like I'm trapped, less of a person.



doofy
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09 Nov 2013, 10:34 am

Codyrules37 wrote:
i'm just an emotionally immature 18 year old

I'm an emotionally immature 7 yr old :)



TheSperg
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09 Nov 2013, 10:39 am

I CAN, but I usually don't unless it is important or violates an obvious rule(theft, physical contact, assault, defense of child etc).

I posted before about how I would defuse situations where some drunk idiot just wanted to fight by showing no emotion, they usually look befuddled at my lack of response and wander away. I realized that 99% of the time when people are screaming at you and threatening to harm you they aren't serious it is just a ape dominance display and showing no reaction usually defuses it. They are acting that way to get you to join in their dominance dance.

BUT this can backfire at work, you can be seen as weak and passive even when they are the one ranting like a loon.



kx250rider
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09 Nov 2013, 12:35 pm

It depends on what kind of situation we're talking about, as to whether or not I'm likely to stand up for myself. I don't like confrontation, so I'm likely to let most things go by. But I DO notice it when someone, or a business, starts to build up a list of things they are doing or saying, which I should respond to with a strong defense. I pick my battles wisely, I think. What I mean is that if there's somebody who takes advantage of me somehow, and it's a one-time thing, I'll just let it go. But if it happens again and again, sooner or later I'll confront them about all of the those added up, and tell them in a businesslike and matter-of-fact way, that it either will change, or I'll stop having anything to do with that person (or business). To me, it's easier to just let it go than to confront and need to settle every little thing. I'm not saying that's the healthiest way to do it, and I'm aware that there are sometimes negatives to my way of handling these things.

As far as a physical challenge from someone, luckily I haven't been confronted with that much at all. I prefer 100% to talk my way out, and let the other person have the glory of a default win, but if I had to, I'd try my best to physically defend myself. An advantage to being a 200-lb bodybuilder is that most other men won't try anything physical as long as I don't back down and act afraid. A few years ago, we had to fire a woman who was working at our horse ranch, and her boyfriend came with her on the last day to stir up trouble. I was sitting in a chair, and he insulted my wife, and then she started yelling at him to butt out (none of his business). He was a cowboy-type; probably had been drinking, and was average size. All I had to do was stand up and walk toward him, and he backed off. Truth be known; I've never been in a fight in my 46 years of life, and I have no idea how to fight.

Charles



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09 Nov 2013, 8:11 pm

I defend myself better than most people actually, and it's largely because of my unwillingness to put up with people's childish crap.

In fact, most people tend to call me an a**hole because I get very offensive when I'm defensive. I've even been called "mean spirited", to which I laughed rather heavily because when people stay on my good side, I'm the best friend they've ever had lol.


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AdamAutistic
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09 Nov 2013, 8:39 pm

i have this trait where i just completely ignore any negativity towards me. it just doesn't affect me at all.

also:
"no response is sometimes the best response."


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ritualdrama
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09 Nov 2013, 8:51 pm

I always worry that I have a bias opinion. I worry that I will defend myself no matter what, so I do nothing.



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09 Nov 2013, 9:48 pm

I was always seen as a bully every time I did.


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Schizpergers
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10 Nov 2013, 6:05 am

Yes, but I never understand when it's appropriate.

This is probably because I often do not know when someone is joking or serious.

I have become aggressive and even assaulted people before when others said my reaction was very inappropriate. In most these cases I have done it to show that I would not tolerate antagonism towards me.

At the same time I have been told I had no reaction when I should have. This has caused me problems as well. I have had my ex girlfriend become very upset with me for "not standing up for her" when I didn't understand there was a problem and accused her of overreacting only to cause more problems.

So while I have no problem standing my ground, I have no idea when I should or not and my reactions towards others probably seem completely random to others.

This has caused me a lot of problems and has been severely socially disabling. I would really appreciate feedback on my situation.



JitakuKeibiinB
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10 Nov 2013, 7:26 am

I can stand up for myself fine. I usually don't bother if there's no consequence and it's just an emotional pride thing. But if it's something that could actually harm me then I'll be assertive. I'm not afraid to use violence when necessary.



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10 Nov 2013, 11:14 am

Schizpergers wrote:
Yes, but I never understand when it's appropriate.


This is perhaps the most debilitating aspect of my NVLD. It seems as if neurotypical people were born with an innate filter that tells them when a situation demands a passive, assertive or aggressive response. I have been told my entire life that I need to become more assertive. However, it is one thing to stand up for yourself, but it is an entirely different kettle of fish to know when to stand up for yourself rather than bite your tongue. I guess one could say that I was born without tact.

Either way, I sometimes think that it would be nice if I could be appointed some sort of interlocutor or "go-between" as part of my accommodations in order to deal with the difficult situations on my behalf.


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10 Nov 2013, 12:05 pm

Until recently I couldn't stand up for myself , but since a Incident in May 2012 , I don't take crap of anyone , although people have stated that I seem to be developing an anger problem , I just do what I think will keep people at bay.



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10 Nov 2013, 12:32 pm

ritualdrama wrote:
I always worry that I have a bias opinion. I worry that I will defend myself no matter what, so I do nothing.


Everyone has a biased opinion about everything, that doesn't mean you shouldn't defend yourself. When it comes to people who say/do things that are harmful, it's always best to show them that you won't put up with it, otherwise they'll think it's ok to just walk all over you because you won't do anything about it. For whatever reason, people take inaction as a sign of complacency, so when nothing is said or done to show a dislike for certain actions or words, they think it's ok to keep doing/saying it (one of the many failings of humans on this world).


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10 Nov 2013, 1:15 pm

When I was about four, I remember getting bullied and beat-up by two kids in our neighborhood. When I went home crying my Mom told me one of the two things I learned from her. She said: "Catch them one at a time." I tried it and it worked: Neither boy picked on me after that. Although I was bullied, beat-up, and picked on for many years, the same person (s) seldom came back for seconds; I just would not be beat, no matter what happened to me.

Pretty brutal stuff but the life of a little autistic kid can be brutal, and was brutal in our social circle after WWII. And no doubt still is in the many ways adults can ignore.

Later on in life I was inspired by another saying: "Everyone puts their pants on one leg at a time." And I took this to heart, in not accepting disrespect from others, no matter what their social status, but this time in a much more formal and businesslike manner. I found I had a lot of support from fellow workers.

Even though I wasn't diagnosed until two years ago, I understood I lacked certain "people" abilities, and sought to counterbalance this by "overachieving." By this I mean I showed a readiness to achieve by being the first to volunteer for difficult work, by coming up with constant ideas for job improvement, and for being the leader/organizer for many company functions. So, essentially, instead of "hiding out" (which I prefer) I made myself as visible as possible and while I didn't suddenly start to make any long-term friends, I made my own place in the company until I retired, and had fun doing it.

denny



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10 Nov 2013, 2:39 pm

I do on internet a lot but that does not count because there are no consequences. I am 5 foot 4 inches meaning I am shorter the 90% of other guys so there can be serious consequences. Also being in the USA you do not know if the other person is armed. So I will try and walk away or take if I can't get out. And believe me bullies have a "radar" for 1. knowing you won't stand up 2. how to push your buttons or say things that will hurt the most, 3. Force you into a situation you can not get out of easily.

Fortunately as I have aged and have the bullies have aged this rarely happens anymore. The bullies have mellowed as they get older, they have families, careers and can not afford to be arrested or have what they do go viral. There is a unwritten rule about going after older people. Not everybody adheres to it, muggers and people in companies that want to age you out have no compunction about this.


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lwolf
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10 Nov 2013, 2:46 pm

Im a passive relaxed person. But recently I have been standing up for my self more. I am also very good at standing up for my friends and family. It's like a mama bear. Don't screw with my cubs and we will get on just fine.

I have had a few black out violent episodes but only when severely provoked.